the girl in my mirror…!!!

I see her sad & silent sitting at the corner with same look on her face, same questions that never leave her. For years she has been fighting something unexplainable, sometime she finds it easy and sometimes it takes every ounce of energy to get through it, but rarely does she give in. She tries to stand and walk as far as possible, with all the darkness around. What happened to you i ask, looking at her as she tries to recognize me? Why the tears, i ask as she sees past me into nothing? You are not alone, talk to me. She doesn’t. She in broken and tired but she has long way to go. She doesn’t talk to me because she blames me, for leaving her in good times, for pretending she doesn’t exist and for trying to forget her. I admit, and am guilty for, i have tried to let go of her. I have but she knows and so does my heart, i can’t let go not for long even if i want to. I tell her she is not alone and I’m not going anywhere, but i sound empty even to my own ears. For years i have seen her like this and for years i have found no reason. I love her and would give anything to see the smile, but i wish i didn’t know her. If only i wasn’t her only friend. Her sadness brings me down; she is just another me with a frown. She is the girl in my mirror…!!!

Don’t give in now, don’t give up now..!!

Keep walking some more
Let me hold your hands
Smile a little more
I know it hurts, I know it all
When the world seems all blue
When everyone you love is standing far from you
Have some faith, have some strength
Close your eyes and follow life
Don’t give in now, don’t give up now
Let me hold you
Let me save you
When everything is dark, when everyone hurts
Smile a little more
Walk a little more
Let me tell you
You are not alone, you are loved too
Don’t give in now, don’t give up now
When silence is all your hear
Don’t surrender my dear
When pain flows down your face
Smile big and keep your grace
You know it’s not true
You know I’m with you
Take it all you want, but don’t let go
Let me carry you home
Don’t give in now, don’t give up now
When it feels that no one gets it
When it feels like everyone is laughing at you
Let me hold you and tell you
You are not alone, you are loved too
Don’t give in now, don’t give up now..!!

 

A Lone Reed….!!

Most of the time when i watch a prime time show i end up in tears at the end, even if it’s a crime show like Castle or a thriller like Nikita… cause it’s always a happy ending, well not for the bad guys killed but for the protagonist. In every show whether its teen musical Glee, teen thriller Pretty Little Liars or a family serial Grey’s Anatomy…there are always scenes that make me wonder what if i was that person? What if that’s how real life could be?

Truth is, real life never gives you the pleasure of going from grey to cheerful ending in 45 minutes. Real life takes you through a good amount of ride blue before you reach destination happiness. Darn it! I sound like a skeptical. No I’m not a skeptical. I believe in miracles and true love and happiness, except i also believe in logic and timings. You cant expect a miracle when you are at a wrong place at a wrong time. A prince charming rescuing you and taking you to the happily ever after land does happen, but you need to be at an accessible place. Yes, you can get rich, have lots of friends who like you and have a big apartment, but all these little dreams can only come true if you are on the right path. For everything to happen there has to be a reason. I mean if today i have a car or a job, it didn’t happen overnight…it started years ago. A path came across me when i was in college and i walked on it without knowing and here I’m.

In order to have true love, it is important that you are on same route of journey where the prince charming is. Else, sorry you are doomed to live in misery. Again, I’m not a skeptical person.  It’s just even magic needs little work. Somewhere something happens which leads things to a point, where you feel it was a miracle that it happened, but then if you look closely you can find reasons.

But unfortunately, right now i can’t see any, any logic, reason or can relate any possible explanations for a miracle to happen to save myself from my possible future. I see it coming to me and there is no way i can avoid it. All i can do is stand as long as possible…i still have some fight left in me. It’s like that line from You’ve Got Mail… Am a lone Reed…!!

Why i love Glee?

For past one week i have been in my room sneezing, coughing and sleeping. So when i wasn’t sleeping or feeling like throwing up, i watched back to back episodes of some of my favourite shows. Grey’s Anatomy, Raising Hope, Glee, Nikita and Prison Break. Well there is a long list of shows i love, but today i wanted to give my attention to Glee. Just saw its finale for season 3 and i so damn hope….they do not end up killing Quinn. Come on, Q? I want Q back in season 4.

Reasons why i love Glee:

Mashups

Glee does some of the best mashups ever. Who doesn’t love two good songs get mashed up and are played together? My favourite has been Rumour has it/Someone like you and Halo/walking on sunshine.

Santana

While Rachael Berry may be the lead and strength of the group, i still think Santana has a great voice. That girl can sing. I mean she did a ditto Amy Winehouse. She is mean, but she is good.

Blaine

While he may be playing love of Kurt’s life, i just can’t help but find him way too handsome to be gay. Little less hair gel and he can rule Hollywood.  Plus, he is an awesome singer. The only male singer who is as good Blaine is Arty. Sorry, Finn is just overrated.

Brittany

She is dumb, but cute. I just love her portrayal of an innocent dumb blonde, but more than that i think she is one of the most stylish person on the show. I prefer episodes where she isn’t in her cheer-leading uniform, cause her sense of fashion is inspiring. In fact, if am not wrong there was even an episode based on her being a style statement.

Mr. Schuster

Okay there is no place for an argument when i say that the Glee teacher is sexy and super awesome. He sings well, dances well and looks so cute. Lucky Miss Emma..!!

Sue Sylvester

Sue is a nice person wrapped in a blanket of meanness, but i like her. She gives a whole new edge to bad guys with good heart.

Cute couples

Glee is full of cute young couples with sweet little stories. I really thought Quinn should have stayed with Sam, they make a very Vanilla type couple… Like Barbie and Ken.  I love love Emma and Schuster, even Tina and Mike Chang is cute.

Musicano

Before i met Glee i wasn’t open to change in music, now i have so many new songs in my collection. Glee is like my music library. I want to thank Glee for introducing me to Adele.

Sometimes life can be a roller-coaster ride…

Have you ever had a roller-coaster ride where instead of enjoying every moment of it, you ended up fighting fears and sadness of it coming to an end? Last two days were like a joyride for me, except there was more than joy, there was a nice cocktail of emotions rushing through my veins.

It started with excitement, so much of it that it took good number of hours to sink in the realization that it was happening. Then, while I was at a good place, i couldn’t overlook the fact that this wasn’t going to last… that in couple of hours everything will come to halt and the rush, happiness and tears of joy would all vanish. I ended up being two people at one time, one was asking me to live the moment and forget the climax while the other one was reminding me to not to get lost in the two-day sunshine in a dull grey life. It took a whole one day for me to convince the voices in my head to fck off and let me live.

But till then it was too late, just when I was finally cherishing the ride I realised it was coming to an end…everything was slowing down, the wind was still again and it was cloudy again.  But am happy for the sun, am happy for the ride and for turmoil of emotions I went through, reminded me that there is more to life than judging self and debating with inner voices.

Now that I’m out of the roller-coaster ride and walk back where i stood earlier, i am pursued by both the angel and devil inside me debating about life and experience… i just want to tell them both to back off and let me be…!!

Some joyrides have to be earned … and i did…

Thankyou!!!!!!

 

There is this feeling…

There is this feeling, a feeling that it was meant to be this way. You and I meeting on a cross road, smiling at each other and walking together till the next turn of life. We became friends and soul mates in a journey that was so small yet so colorful. We made promises and some of them were kept as we walked under the rain, took the bad weather and shared all the sunshine. We knew this road wasn’t going be a straight happy little street; we didn’t care cause we were busy looking at each other, singing happy songs. We lied under the sun, painted big dreams on the sky and wondered how much it all meant to us.

Then one fine day we saw the turn, just like the one where we met, only this time we had to walk away. We hugged, we cried, we promised “all yours” and walked without looking ahead. We kept our eyes on each other for as long as we could and then we looked ahead to find another road with same sky, weather, sunshine and colors, only we weren’t together, only we weren’t singing promises. Then we met new people, we tried to smile again and sing again, but we still thought of each other and we knew no matter how many crossroads come, how many people we meet and how many winters turn into spring, we will keep each other in our hearts and will always have that love inside.

There is this feeling, a feeling that it was meant to be this way…!!

Life is no P.S I Love You…..!!!

Sometimes, i find myself standing at a point where i just can’t help but wonder what is life was as easy as they show in Hollywood movies. There are over dozens of movies i would love to live, but today i found myself going back to P.S I Love You.

Who wouldn’t want to go to Ireland and fall in love with someone as good looking as Gerald Butler, but that’s not why i kept on thinking about this movie. It was the scene where Holly (Hillary Swank) locks herself in her apartment and tries to figure out what she wants to do in life. She jots down her “Career Goals”, like she wants a bigger apartment, huge salary and etc.. She makes charts and sketches of different things which she always thought about, while Gerry’s voice guides her how she can’t be a “Secret Agent” and reminding her that “Vampire Slayer do not exist”… and then after few more weeks of thinking and doing nothing, while staying in her apartment she one fine day accidently finds out about her love for shoes and her secret shoe designing skills. She starts designing her owns footwear at home and then she joins some course and KABOOOMM…she becomes Holly ‘The shoe designer’.

Why can’t i be Holly? Why can’t i just give up my work, lock myself in my room and sulk to a point where accidently something happens and i know what i have to do and what job will make me happy? Why do i have to be the Holly who shows beautiful giant apartments to other people, while she lives in a small one room set?

Don’t take me wrong… there is nothing wrong in being a one-room apartment Holly.  It’s just that for past two days this one scene has been dancing in front of my eyes. Guess, it’s the dreary work routine.

Probability of getting stuck in an elevator thrice,  on the same day, is way higher than getting a phone call, where you end up throwing the remote on the voice-mail machine only to find a fallen buckle on your shoe which silently whispers to you…you should design shoes…!!!!

Like i said…Life is no P.S I Love You….!!!!!

Rooney Mara does an amazing Lisbeth…!!

Ever since i have read Stieg Larsson’s Millennium series i have been waiting for the movies…despite the fact that usually movies do not turn out as good as the books. Then i saw the trailer and i was a bit apprehensive about the portrayal of Lisbeth. It was important for me to approve of the presentation of her character. Because Lisbeth Salander is not just a character, she is the hero of the story.

But but but… last night i finally saw “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”… while they have successfully manage to keep the movie as grasping as the book, i was super impressed by what Rooney Mara did with Lisbeth. Her transformation into Lisbeth Salander was done so superbly that all my doubts came crashing down. Everything from being a victim with no wish to be social, a cold face tattoo girl who likes bisexual experimentation to a girl who has secretly fallen in love with Blomkvist, Rooney has managed to present every colour of Lisbeth’s dark and twisted world.

I, especially, like the way she talks only when she is needed and talks without any hint of emotion. I don’t know if anyone else could have done this much of justice to Lisbeth… Daniel Craig was a total Mikael Bastard Blomkvist (as Lisbeth calls him).

Hats off to David Fincher for finding the right cast and making the book come alive on the screen. But i did find few things missing in the movie that were part of the book. Like they never showed any scene of Lisbeth with her ailing mother, the bond between Armansky and Lisbeth, as well as an important scene regarding the Harriet mystery (do not wish to be a spoiler), also if am not wrong Lisbeth had no clue about the survival of her first guardian Palmgren and never visited him in the first book.

Guess, it’s hard to mirror a book into a movie without reshaping the edges. Nevertheless, movie was great and i can’t wait for “The Girl Who Played with Fire”.

Reason…!!!

There is a reason why i love you; you came into my life when i was falling down. You took me by hand and walked by my side every day, without asking me why. You smiled and laughed with me, made me see beyond black and blue. I never knew what it felt like smiling for no reason, till i met you. You made me learn how life is lived; you made me thousand times better than what i was.  Not even for once you asked me to change myself, not even a fraction of myself. You became the heartbeat inside me, the breath i took and soon i knew that i couldn’t live without you. For next thousand years or even more, I’m going to be in love with you. Coz i just can’t do without you, you are all i have in the name of life.  Yes, there is a reason why i love you.

I love you because that’s all i know and that’s what i have been doing since the day i met you.  Even if you ask me to leave, i will smile and let go of you but will follow because that’s all i know.

I own a car now….!!

Am good with remembering dates…important birthdays, non important birthdays, important anniversaries, as well as special first days of special things or moments…and 3rd February 2012 is now one of those special dates that i can’t rub off from my memory.

The day i bought my first car….i don’t know if there is ever going to be a second or third one, but i do know that today, right now, am a proud owner of a fcking cute Tata Nano.

This day reminds me of all the things that i never expected in life, but they just happened. Few years back i was nobody, i still am a nobody but a nobody with a job, a car, awesome loved ones and super cute dog…. Truth be told, the whole feeling hasn’t sunk in yet and it still feels weird…man, its super weird and crazy… i own a car now……..!!!!!