This phase of my life can be clearly defined as a “pendulum”, as lately my mind is busy suspending between different things. Moving from reality to dreams, rationalization to WTF.
Sometimes I find myself in memories, a part of my life where I was happy where everything was more than perfect. Have you ever traveled in time with your eyes open, like you are actually standing at the same place looking at the same memory as it takes place all over again? Maybe a happy conversation with someone or just a day you can’t get out of the layers of memories inside your brain. At one moment I’m there in real world aware of people typing on their systems, some yawning, others sipping on their coffee and I’m trying to figure out why I’m still sitting among them, while at the very next moment I travel down to happy days seeing a memory right in front of my eyes like its happening for real. Seeing myself looking at my happy face, as I m enjoying my day with friends or family.
Sometimes I am too angry and see things like they are, real and clear. When my mind is suspended between reality and hope, things happen weird. One moment I’m all “it doesn’t matter, because eventually it’s going to happen the way everyone wants. Why bother anymore?” and the very next I’m dreaming and imagining a day when, miraculously everything is solved and I’m free. I try to imagine how I will live my life from that day onwards.
Then there are times when my mind moves between things happening around and how I see them in my head. Like I have said before, I have an art of moving in and out of a conversation. I can look at someone talking to me, while I can go to another day or simply have a mental conversation with myself about, my perception of, the other person’s hair, dress, shoes or anything random. All this and the other person doesn’t even gets to know that while I was nodding and giving that concerned or happy smile (based on the conversation), i probably wasn’t even there.
Life has for some reason become a pendulum as my mind keeps on shifting and suspending from past, present, future, imagination, real and unreal. Well in my defense I would like to say that I just have a very active mind that believes in multitasking.