Am so Awesome…even Darkness loves me…!!

I wasn’t planning to blog today but what the heck a couple of songs and a scoop of bloody ice-cream can do wonders.  So if you like my blog you can thank Baskin & Robins and Music, if you think I have a crappy blog please write an angry letter to the above mentioned ice-cream shop and to God for creating music.

Today I found a new singer Ingrid Michaelson and I like her now, have been listening to her few past one hour. It was a crazy day because all I did was meeting and meeting, bloody tiring. At one point I think my boss caught me yawning and closing my eyes in the meeting. O boy! Even that didn’t help me. Didn’t get to sit on my seat today after second half of the day and I missed my tea.

This morning I woke up to one of those crazy dreams where I stand face to face against one of my fears. It felt so real and scary, probably that’s why when I woke up I couldn’t go back to sleep again, like I always do and regret because I’m always Latteee.

What can I say every time I think “wow it’s been so long my mood hasn’t wavered much” bloody I jinx it. All I can I’m so awesome even darkness cant resists me for long and comes back. I think I’m like a prized possession for sunshine and darkness, both of them fight over me and darkness being the bad lover cheats and keeps me to self. But yes sometimes sunshine ends up stealing me away, even if for a while. God I’m so Awesome..!!

Hey Voices do you hear that am so Awesome everyone wants a piece of me even the shadows, the fear, the emptiness, the tears and the inevitability. Say something now…haan? Can’t hear you now. I know you won’t say a thing today…jealous-much…?

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Ofcourse, i can sing…Ask my car…!!

Sometimes I wish I was a singer instead of a writer, because I love music and when I hear someone sing I wonder how peaceful it must be. I know writing is peaceful too, I mean I smile all day long when I write Dominique, but singing fascinates me. I think I can easily fall in love with someone who sings. I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy.

Voices: you will fall in love with what?

Me: lalalalalalalalalalala

Voices (Laughing): sorry but it was a funny line

Me: lalalalalalalalalala. I can’t hear you lalalalalalalala

Voices: Still laughing

Yeah! True I actually did laugh on my own line so I can’t blame the voices. Anyhow, my point is that I like the words and music put together and often wonder how a singer feels after signing a good song. Does he or she likes to listen to her/his own song in the car while driving to the mall? I mean I love my write-ups and often read them again after a day or two to tell myself “Little you are demented, but you are good”.

Does Katy Perry feel motivated after listening to her own song “Part of me” or “Fireworks”? What song of her does Adele listens to when she is sad?

My obsessions with songs make me ask crazy questions, but what can I do remember I’m a self declared twisted 26 year old.

Today a funny thing happened; in fact it has happened so many times. The day was almost over and most of my team had gone home and I was finally back, at my seat. So I put on my headphones and with Born This Way playing at a loud volume I get busy in work. I then start searching for another song in my phone and I’m so lost in my phone that I fail to realize my boss is standing in front of me, on the other side of screen trying to talk to me…Oops! I take off my headphones, stand up and start talking to him. While he is telling something about shifting the Quality Check team, I can (so can he) hear some of Lady Gaga’s words spilling out of my headphones. Twice i tried to reach my phone to turn down the volume, when he turned to talk to the other guy standing with us, but I couldn’t. All I can say, am lucky he likes my work and in my defense “that was my first song of the day, a little volume is justified”.

Maybe the best part of my day is when am driving because i put on the music at a good volume and sing alongside. While some people are bathroom singers I would like to call myself as a car singer.

P.S this song here has nothing to with my mood today but i wanted to show you how Dominique looks like. She is a mix of Natalie in this video and a little bit Winona Ryder of Reality Bites-cum-Girl Interrupted. Okay! now I’m confused. 😛

 

This phase of my life is called ‘Seesaw’…!!!!

Love You Till the End is one of my favorite love songs, but that’s not what am blogging about today. Although one day I would love to blog about why I love movies with Ireland in them and why I wish to run away to that country, till then I have other things to talk about.

Today was a strange morning; in fact it was one of the rarest mornings of my life. Not only did I get up way earlier than my usual time, I was also in a good mood. I mean I was driving with a loud happy number playing in my car, while I was trying to sing along (i am bad with lyrics no matter how much i love a song), on a Monday morning; it’s nothing but a miracle. Now you must be thinking I must have had a very good reason because I was singing happy song on a Monday morning on my way to Gotham city, but unfortunately there wasn’t any. While I was singing along and banging my fist on the steering like a rock star I realized this wasn’t me, that something was wrong with me.

Me: DONT LEAVE ME TONGUE TIED YAY YAY YAY

Voices: Hi

Me: Heyy hii

Voices: what’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, nothing is wrong am just singing…why?

Voices: Hmm…You are singing to a happy song, on a Monday morning, on your way to office.

Me (Suddenly realizing): Oh Shit! Right…o feck…what’s wrong with me? Something is wrong.

Voices: Thank you

Well that’s how I it was, the sudden realization made me wonder how easy it is for my mind to play Hula Hoop across the line of sanity…i mean at one moment am happy and at another am blue. I had no idea what got onto me but I do know that this phase of my life is called SEESAW…!!

I know that there is no escaping so most f the time I’m sad, unhappy and dark, but a part of me doesn’t want to see me like that so it tries to drag and crawl towards the light and hope. Result: I’m happy and sad, am excited and depressed, am lost and angry…all of these at any moment of any day, irrespective of the atmosphere or people around me. My emotions have turned into and On-Off button that work with a remote and that remote has, unfortunately, fallen out of window on to the path of a truck and SMASSH…So now I have lost control and my mind keeps rolling from left to right, from light to darkness on its own like it’s on a Seesaw.

P.S I had no idea there was a song made on me. See this is how i look from Monday to Friday. Thank you Angus and Julia.

Technically, we are on break…you cant call it cheating

Right now I can’t stop smiling because my favorite IPL team has won and what a game I tell you. If you are a cricket fan then this was the match worth watching because it made the whole country stop. It was a day of sports for me, because today after a long time I played Badminton and it felt so good to get all tired and sweaty. And then I come home to a match I could not take my eyes offs.

It was a good Sunday because I did things I have been ignoring…no I still didn’t clean my wardrobe or worked on my assignments but still. I worked on Dominique and that a big deal for me. Last night I found this amazing song by Florence and the Machine and it’s a perfect soundtrack for one of the key scenes in Dominique. I have been listening to it again and again, thus building the scene in my head. Have already started with few pages. It feels good to write Dominique because it makes me happy and feel good about myself. This may not be my best story but this is a special one.

Then I also read my book which I have been keeping aside for so many days and am almost on verge of finishing it. I could do it tonight but I plan to sleep early and get up early. I intend to continue my badminton workout everyday now. Finally I wrote, I read and I played…how cool is that?

I guess I should be thankful to the fact that all my favorite shows are on a break and that leaves me free till the Fall…yes I know PLL will be back in 10 days but still it’s just Tuesdays (in my case Wednesdays). I feel good right now. Its like am cheating on my favorite shows in their absence, but since Glee, Greys, Revenge, Dexter and me are on break…you cant call it cheating 😉

I just hope I don’t start watching any other show or find some new show…because as far as I’m concerned my love for fiction can ruin even the small gap I have to do things I have been ignoring.

Now i just need to stick to my “reach office on time” mission…because if I wish to continue with my badminton workout I need to change my routine.

 

Dont…!!

Don’t kiss me goodnight

Don’t wave me goodbye

Let’s spend the night

Dancing and watching the sky

Take my hand

Let’s walk on the sand

There is a sea

There is you and me

Don’t just go away

Don’t just hug and say

‘You will miss me’

Let me follow you a little more

Let me sing “I’m yours”

Don’t just let the night end

Don’t say we are just friends

I know you like me too

I see you stealing a glance too

Let’s dance under the stars

Let me fill this moment in a jar

Don’t just put on the coat

Let me built us a boat

Let’s just row away

In the night till it’s another day

Don’t just tell me “see you again”

Sit down maybe it’s going to rain

We have all the time tonight

Let the pain take a flight

Lie down next to me

Look at me

Don’t just believe it’s over now

I have a story to tell

Of when I fell in love with you n how…!!!!

My name is Little…!!

Before I start with today’s post I just want to say I love Glee, I love Glee so so damn much and I’m going to miss it now that the season is over. Although am yet to watch the finale, am already sad.

Have you ever had a moment where you see something that reminds you of something you always wanted, something you still want, but couldn’t have and won’t ever have and how seeing it brings a smile to your face (at first) and then you have tears rolling downs? Tears you have to hide right then, right there, because you have no explanation.

Human emotions are complicated specially if you are as twisted as me, because you just can’t explain the sudden rush of feelings that come and go without giving you a warning.

I’m not a very complicated person, am one of the easiest puzzle to crack it’s just that I pretend to be ultra crazy. Today after watching Glee I realized how much I dig happy endings, how much I dig people with happy smiley faces…I may be broken but I always like to see others happy. My level of Narcissism only sticks to buying me presents to help me feel better.

Anyhow, this post wasn’t supposed to be about my favourite shows like Glee or Greys’s and my love for them because they give me that rush of emotions where I laugh and end up crying.

Today, I had a weird realization.

Have you ever had an urge to befriend a complete stranger so that you can just talk your heart out, without worrying because you know that person doesn’t even know you? Have you ever had an urge of sharing things with someone you don’t know because you know his/her judgement won’t hurt you as much as the judgement of people you love?

I think that’s one reason why I started blogging, apart from the fact that like to write things. Of course I do consider my simple knowledge of writing things as the prime reason, because I know I can write…I once had a dream of becoming a journalist or a published writer which ended into a worthless job of being Batman in Gotham city. But, apart from my need to keep the writer in me alive, I also blog because I find people I don’t know, people who don’t know me and wouldn’t mind whatever I have to say.

The urge to spill the truth in front of someone you don’t know is like a sudden need to get high during the day, hard to resist but you just have to do it.

I often imagine myself as Forest Gump and hope someday I will be sitting on a bench with a stranger and talking about a story…story of me. I imagine myself talking and then the stranger just nodding; giving me shocked or concerned level of eye brow movements and then walking away as I breathe in the lightness of unloading the heaviness, even if it’s for just a while.

You and me on a bench

i say ‘hello my name is Little’

you listen you smile

i talk and talk

you smile & take a walk

i wait for another you

as there is more than a word or two…!!!!

 

Dear Music, Thank You….!!!!

Even back when i was a teenager with braces and too much of hatred for Math classes, I was inseparable from my headphones and now it’s like another part of me, just a detachable one. I don’t have many big favourites, I haven’t been to any concert and my biggest problem is that I can hardly remember the lyrics, yet I think music is a major part of my life. Specially now, when everything else seems crazy.

Some songs make me relive the love I never had, some make me find that confidence I don’t have, some let me get lost in a world that doesn’t exist and others just end up being a friend who help me feel better. Every morning I brush to a song, I drive to office with a song, I work with my headphones glued to my ears, I drive back with a song and I write my blog with a song in background. Silence has always been more depressing than truth, music makes reality look far away.

Music doesn’t heal a thing but it does act like a colorful cartoon a Band-Aid that makes a person, in pain, smile.

I have a problem; I listen to happy songs only when am I going through one of those “I don’t give a damn” phase. There are some songs that I can’t live without, just can’t. I need them in my phone like a drug, even if I don’t listen to them because you never know when you need a shot of painkiller…right?

Rumor has it/Someone like you, Nothing else matter, Where the lonely one roams, Can’t let go, Jar of Hearts, The Story, A thousand Words, Lover After Me,  Iris and Rolling in the Deep are songs I need to have with me all the time…I don’t care if I listen to them or not.

God forbid I have a super bad day, and I don’t have these songs with me…who will save me? Every Super Hero needs a weapon, Spider Man has his web, Batman has the batmobile, Hulk has his anger (I still wonder how is he a super hero), IronMan has his suit and Superman…ah well okay he has genes of Krypton, what else can I say he has no weapon….my point being, like every Super Hero has a weapon to fight his battle, I consider Music as my super power.

Truth is today I had a busy day, like past few days, so I was away from my seat working hard to make my boss earn millions while I get to enjoy peanuts. Back to the point, after a long day I finally get back to my seat, make myself tea and put on my headphones and there I was feeling better, smiling and telling myself “few more hours Little”. Just then this thought came to my mind, what would I have done without my headphones and the songs in my phones? That’s when i whispered “Thankyou” to music for being there.

What would I do without music in my life? I need music even when i’m writing Dominique because it helps me think, picture and create…which reminds me I haven’t written a word for so long. Damn it! Little.

 

P.S I think i saw some kind of alien bird today, but since it was just me its hard to explain. my mom was there too, while i was trying to show her the left side of the sky she was looking at the right sky. And now my brother is having time of his life making alien jokes on me. 😛

Anyone but me… or maybe not…!!

Sometimes I read blogs of other people and I say to myself if only I was like her, without wondering what that would mean. I mean what if the happy go lucky person on the other blog talking about a nice life might not have things that I have. What then? Truth is we all end up wishing we were someone else when we are low, at least I do.

But I would be lying if I said I really mean it, because I have a good life and I wouldn’t give away my friends or family. But then probably it’s the fact that my life is all about inevitability. There are things that are going to happen no matter what I do or say. I’m either going to make things go my way or walk with the wind, either ways it’s going to be crazy.

Lately I have decided to work on things I would like to do before I die…not because I’m dying. Well, I love myself too much; even king of narcissism knows that. But I think if life is going to walk on its own path, I better walk doing things I love. So, I have been asking around about good guitar classes and I think I have found one. My brother is pretty confident that it’s just a phase and I would give up on it like my last “I want to learn French” adventure. While, I love to be my own PR expert I would not deny this. Yes, I can be a quitter but this time I don’t plan to because Guitar is just the first step.

If am going down with life’s inevitability I’m going my way. This may sound pretty cool but am not really in a good mood right now. I am not sad am just numb, because I need a good sleep. If only I was not working at Gotham City, my pet name for my workplace.

I just found some old pictures in one of my memory card and I went through them to see if I have them saved. Going through old pictures or pages of diary makes me want to jump inside and relive them, knowing that I would still end up at this bed with this laptop and this post. Who cares? It would be worth.

We fell accidentally in love…!!

Once upon a time
We fell accidentally in love
I said “I love you”
You said “Me Too”
We got married
We ran away
To happiness we flew
Like birds with new found wings
Of world we became
Queen and king
Once upon a time
We fell accidentally in love
I said “I love you”
You said “Me Too”
We went around
The world
With new happiness found
Every tree was dancing
Every flower was smiling
Suddenly there was colour everywhere
Here and there
Once upon a time
We fell accidentally in love
I said “I love you”
You said “Me Too”
We threw everything
You made stars looked
Like nothing
Love we wrote on our hands
Love we wrote on the sand
Once upon a time
We fell accidentally in love
I said “I love you”
You said “Me Too”
We hugged, we kissed
We danced, we sang
We laughed, we cried
Every day every night
It was all about you and me
Nothing else we could see
Never felt so free
Once upon a time
We fell accidentally in love
I said “I love you”
You said “Me Too”….!!!

Everything I do has a reason, except loving you…!!!!

I love you but its okay

Because I will never say

You once asked me to

Write something about you

I have been doing it

I have been saying it

Only you don’t know

And I will never show

I don’t know why I do

But I love you

I am okay

I would like to say

But I guess I lie a lot

Your love is a knot

I’m tied to

There is no reason

But I still love you

You used to sing songs

I used to roll my eyes along

Truth is I loved it

I wish I could say it

Sometimes I find you

In a similar face

In someone who smiles like you

In someone with eyes like you

It stops my heart

Even though I know

We have grown apart

You have gone

And I am all alone

But I still love you

No reason

I just do…!!