Laziness? Present miss…laughter? laughter? LAUGHTER?

You know how some writers are funny and have an awesome sense of humor, i wish i was one of them. I always admire them. I wish i could be funny, because to make someone laugh is a big thing. Its not that i don’t have the funny bone in me, it’s just that i happened to have fallen so  hard that i think i broke it.

Let me tell you a secret, i have grown up with four different future plans at different phases of my life. After Plan A,B,C & D falling out, i’m now with plan E…which is of course just never going to come true. Plan A (when i was a young girl) was to become a comedian when i grow up. Yes, its true. I wanted to become a stand-up comedian and this was my aim since i was in 6th grade. I don’t know why i wanted to be a comedian, but i always liked it when i used to see someone laugh because i just said something which was funny.

Yes, i was once a funny person and a lot of people used to give me that “you are funny” line in their own words. I was dead serious about it even though i knew i was not funny enough and it was just my ability to talk non-stop. I was stupid but chirpy and that was the reason that despite being not smart i was still accepted by smarter and brilliant people. I’m not trying to sell myself as some awesome girl…no, i’m not. Reason i’m talking about it because now i find myself struggling with words when im around people. Leave alone the funny words, i cant even talk general.

Most of the time i prefer the other person to do all the talking and i am happy to be the silent listener who enjoys nodding…talk all you want. My inability to form words, sentences and answer basic questions like “how is life going?”, “what’s new?” and many more such very normal day-to-day questions make me want to avoid people and conversations. What happened to that over confident crazy school girl who thought she could make anyone laugh. Even when i moved on to plan B, C and D, i still lived with a self-created “I am funny” talent.

I remember when we had our fresher’s party in college and i did mimicry gig. I did not get any prize but next day 2-3 seniors came to our class, told me that they loved my gig and but had no extra prize to give away so they have bought a complimentary gift today, and handed me a small prize thingy.  I will never ever forget that day.

I have grown up with weird plans in life. Here is the list

Plan A – to be a stand-up comedian

Plan B– to be a detective

Plan C – to be an astronaut

Plan D – to be a photographer

O yes, believe me i was dead serious about all these plans. Although i never did a thing to act on them, i was just a teenager with crazy imaginations. I once crossed an office of some security & detective agency and i was like “i think i should go and talk to them and ask questions about being a detective”. I’m glad i didn’t. I will tell you one thing though i still plan to learn photography and its in my bucket list. Even if its just for fun sake.

Currently my life is revolving around Plan E (to write a book)…which can be best described as a plane that crash landed right into trees and there is no hope of it flying again. Nevertheless, as long as i have the fuel i can try…cant i?

All these plans are like school kids who still come alive sometimes, have a reunion in my mind except the comic part. Laughter is a stupid kid who refuses to visit me anymore.