300km and more than 9 hours…!!!!

Today has been all about journey through hills and forests. We covered around 300km in over 9 hours. So much of natural beauty makes me happy because you don’t get to see it in a monotonous city life, where all that matters is deadlines, projects, meetings and sad 9hours.
At one point I realized it’s crazy that a land so beautiful is surrounded by terrorists and bad guys.
Am tired today, my leg hurts and my head is spinning. Tomorrow, we will start our sightseeing.

Goodnight from a part of world I wish you all get to see one day.

Always be a Super Hero..!!!!

Tomorrow we have an eight hour long journey by car. Am I ready? You bet. There was a moment when I was like “what’s the purpose of being so happy when at the end am screwed”…but right now I in a mode that says “live it coz its not coming again”… So am all ready.

Today I read a quote by Nora Ephron- “Be the heroine of your life, not the victim”… See now I’m not one of those happy people who live by quotes but isn’t this an amazing one.

Also I did realized one thing today, no matter where I’m no matter what I do I will always be a Super Hero…I can’t ever be Superman in Krypton, I will always be Superman in Earth. Guess that’s what you get when you do not wish to give up.

I don’t know if this happens at your world but family weddings means so much of gossip, cribbing and judgments..when will I stop getting amazed with how people live?
Anyhow, Super Hero is ready for what’s coming.

Super 9

So the wedding is over and we are done with getting dressed up. I don’t like it, anything other than my jeans and t-shirt makes me uncomfortable. My feet are hurting with heels, because I’m a sneaker person. But I will rate this day a super 9.

Today my cousins, my brother and I went (we four have always been a team and I missed the team) for an outing. We went to the horror haunted house, played icehockey, we went for coffee at Barista and we went for a drive. It took me to years when we four we young and crazy. Lately, am having major flashbacks and I can’t help but think how life and job changes everyone. We become formal, we become brief on phone and we become people who do small talks…but when we are together back at our grandparents home we are kids again.

I was never close to my grandparents (because we never stayed with them and visited them during summer vacations once a year) but I cherish everyday of my childhood spent here. I wish my grandmother and my uncle was alive, it would have made my mother happy.

Tomorrow we plan to rest and then we are off to Srinagar… Can’t wait for it.

Back to being a little girl…!!!!

Today after a long long time I met all my cousins at my grandparents house. It took me to time when we were all kids, when my grandmother was alive, when we all were in school and weren’t busy enough to wait for family weddings to meet.
Although I’m not a family person, families are not my thing but I’m loving it today. Because I’m one of the youngest and thus, always treated royal. Being pampered by my cousins, talking of old things and acting like life hasn’t changed is making me happy.
Yes, I’m also having problem smiling at aunties who keep telling me when are you getting married? Next is your turn? Etc etc… But the fun is worth taking all that.
But, the voices and dark clouds are still there.

What’s your story?

Am sitting on bus looking outside at dark and empty streets. It feels strange to look at empty world with everyone sleeping, probably dreaming of their worst fears (if they are like me) or dreaming of happy endings.

Sometimes I get this urge of talking to a stranger and asking him/her about his/her story. Everyone has a story, even the ones with a life as plain as getting up, working 9 hours and coming back to a goodnight sleep only to get up again for a 9hours of work.

For some reason I think listening to someone else’s story will make me take a walk away from mine, thus not feeling what I feel every second of everyday…lost, confused, scared and blue. “Like a Cosmic star” is a fine example of moments when I’m overpowered by my faith in happy endings.

That’s my story or a part of it… What’s yours?

P.S. I am trying wordpress for Blackberry. Fingers crossed. Clicking on Publish.

Little says “I’ll be back”…!!!!

Dear fellas,

Little plans to spend next 8 days of her life playing ping pong with fresh air, questions, break from work, statements with “oh still there”, late nights with cousins, aunties singing “it’s you next”, being the younger one, taking care of screaming yet cute family kids, visiting land never seen before, flying back alone praying “please don’t crash”, fighting voices every second like always, thinking about snowy hoping he is okay, not wanting to come back and not wanting to stay.

“Like a cosmic star” is my last post for June month (not counting this one) because I’m off to a vacation, as most of you know. Bags are packed because this time I’m not giving any chance to voices, i can’t even tell you how much fun they had last weekend when i left my toothbrush at home. I know i know, they always get the last laugh. So, the moment i will click on Publish, I’m going to do a re-check of everything. If only i could leave the voices back at home. I m sort of dreading the whole vacation because i don’t really like being around my relatives, it’s not them it’s me. Anyhow, i still have hope of catching glimpse of the scenic views of the valley.

Today my boss asked me when was i going and when was i coming back, well this comes after my singing “I’m going sir” every day for past one week. I knew he would end up making me all confused at the last moment about work. Typical Gotham city but Batman is going now.

Love,
Little

P.S. I will be back

Like a cosmic star…!!!!

Even as I try to hide

Run away

I can’t help but abide

By the pull you have on me

There are no strings i see

Yet I can’t move a step

Away

Every gush of wind is whisper,

A word you say

Calling my name

Asking me to do the same

After every day every fight

I walk to you

Like a twilight

I’m stuck in your shadow

There is a wait that grows

Can’t see you

Yet feel you

Standing next to me

Softly telling me

To not walk away

To believe to stay

Where are you?

I ask you

Like a fog you come & go

I know

One day you will stand

Staring right at me

With hand in hand

We will be

Till then I struggle

Betting every cent & nickel

You are out there

Somewhere

Like a cosmic star

So near so far

Till then I fight darkness

Open every jar labelled happiness

To search for you

Find my way to you

There is a quest

I won’t stop even in dust

And storm of doubts

Every heart beat shouts

for you

Where are you?

Like a cosmic star

So near so far…..!!!!

 

Hello to Dear Diary…!!!!

Today i paid visit to an old friend, a friend i forgot, ignored and left alone because i was too busy. Today i said hello to “Dear Dairy” and scribbled random thoughts of my mind, nothing major but i wrote. I don’t know why  i was writing in a diary again, because i remember how i had decided to never write again because i was too busy, which of course was a lie, but wasn’t i clear about not writing again. I guess, you can’t really stay away from things you have been living with all your life.

Truth is i needed to talk things without being heard, i needed to share things without being worried about the replies and i needed to go back to one place i find no judgement.

So, I’m almost done with my packing washed my clothes today and my sneakers too. My mom left early and now i can’t help but look at a lonely sad puppy who is staring continuously at the door hoping mum will be back any moment, sometimes he looks back at me and i feel bad. Snowy is one hell of a mommy boy, because he can’t sit peacefully when my mother is not around.  On Tuesday we will leave him in the dog kennel for next 7-8 days and it kind of worries me, because he will not eat, he will get sad and he will get sick. Two reasons I’m not very excited about the trip, am worried about my cute little but old dog and also happiness scares the shit out of me.

Well, weekend is over and just two more days of office before i start my vacation. Am i happy? Don’t really know, but yes i do know few days out and away from Gotham city can be good. Not really thinking about fun and holiday.

Its midnight, my bed is a mess and it’s raining outside. I will say goodnight now, because i really got to sleep on time else i will be a misery tomorrow which of course is nothing new but hey it is important to keep up the appearances.

 

 

Dear Director, thankyou for making me worry about planes and dogs…!!!!

Here is the thing, I’m sort of in a weird state of mind and the best way to explain it is that I’m busy deciding between door A and door B. Can’t really explain it much, but I do know that I have to choose and choose fast.
Anyhow, so I’m all messed up and need something nice. I’m thinking why not watch a movie, I search for a movie I downloaded few weeks back and I click on “Play”. Well just when you need a good movie, you end up finding a piece of crap in your laptop.

Me: oh no no…What kind of movie is this?
Voices: You know we take our words back…next time you can watch Meg Ryan or Winnona’s movies. We won’t say “Again”
Me (angry): Thanks, now you are saying this.

Well, first of all I love creepy horror movies and I don’t even mind zombie movies, but this one was all about plane crash and wolf hunting survivors. First thing i have a flight in few days, thank you for scaring me and second, ewe too much of gross scenes with wolves tearing apart people and people killing wolves. It felt like I was watching Air Crash Investigation and Animal Hunting show on National Geographic and Animal Planet, together in one screen. Honestly, I was glad when my phone rang and my friend asked me if I was free. I don’t know why I didn’t think of turning it off before.
This is not what you need, when you are sitting on pile of unhappy thoughts, when you have a plan to catch in coming week and when you have a dog you love so much.

I have already seen too many Air Crash Investigation episodes on Nat Geo to know endless possibilities that could happen, when I’m up in air. Suddenly I’m Meg Ryan from French Kiss, only I am not scared of flying just sort of worried.

I wanted to work on Dominique today, but I didn’t because a part of me is pulling me away from the lies I live but at the same time the other part of me wants to smile and do things I love. Its like am stuck in a tug of war between left and right.  If I go with left I will never be able to write another poem, another happy post, another story, but if I go with right I will lose a lot. It’s a fecking mess and being a Super Hero I have no option but to fight, because Super Hero might fall but it never dies.

Voices: See Super Heroes don’t die, don’t worry about the plane and it was a stupid movie anyway.
Me (Silence):

Well, I have downloaded a new episode of a show “Baby Daddy”; will watch it and then I will go back to some good old classic movies.

P.S Meg Ryan is Awesome….!!

Super Man down….!!!!

Gravity is a mean little thing, never lets you stay up and high for long. In my case it didn’t even let me come down slowly, BAAM BOOM and I am on floor broken and in pieces. I don’t really know why some things are hurting me, I mean didn’t I knew it all along for years. Wasn’t it all a part of the domino effect?

Today everything is hurting me, fiction, faith, hope, Super Heroes, Santa Claus and everything that I used to hide my true self.  Even Dominique.

I’m tired, super sleep deprived and sort of wordless…excuse me please for not writing.