The Versatile Blogger Award…!!!!

Few days back I was honored with an award nomination by Miss Sylvee, but because of the whole blue mood thing I couldn’t acknowledge the award. So here I’m with the awesome news of being awarded with The Versatile Blogger Award. Miss Sylvee is young, creative, talented and artistic. Also, she loves fashion and photography.  While she is not only good with her writing, she also draws amazingly well. Her blog is awesome and refreshing.

Miss Sylvee thank-you for the honor!

Now the rules – I have to say 7 things about me.

1 – I have a habit of kissing Snowy on his forehead and saying “I love you” to him. I do this a lot because I worry about him. He is one of the best things about my life.

2- After watching all the Harry Potter series, I’m now starting with the books.

3- I have never seen Snow and I can’t help but love hills, valleys, mountains.

4- I’m a very romantic person but I prefer to hide behind my mystery novels, thrillers and Avril Lavigne songs.

5- Weird but long time ago I wanted to grow up and be a house wife, because I used to envy life of my aunts who would watch TV all day and do nothing. I wanted to just get out of homework zone and be that women who had all day to her for TV. Weird considering that I’m not into marriage and I hardly watch TV now.

6-I can live without network in my phone but can’t live without music in it

7- I can’t watch Courage Under Fire and Eight Below again, despite the fact that they are amazing movies and one has Meg Ryan. I always end up in tears, which doesn’t happen much with other movies.

Now few amazing blogs that I’m going to nominate

sweetmotherlover.wordpress.com

squirrelcircus.wordpress.com

sincerelyslapdash.wordpress.com

piavalentinpoetry.wordpress.com / valleysveranda.wordpress.com

talesoftwistedfibers.wordpress.com

dreamingabouteveryday.wordpress.com

acflory.wordpress.com

nevercontrary.com

If you want introduction to some of the most awesome blog posts and bloggers, you got to check these awesome people.

I got an award

 

a little rain is all Little needs…!!!!

Everyone who knows me, knows I’m a rain person. things I love to do when it rains includes making a cup of frothy coffee and stand in my balcony, to enjoy the hills (you can see them from my balcony and terrace), the trees and kids playing in rain.

Today I saw a father walking with his tiny little kid in rain. Another father playing in rain with his daughter and her friends. I think they were making paper boats. I saw children cycling and a boy filling his tiny bucket with water to throw the water on his friends, all this while I was out on the terrace getting all soaked up.

Finally, I came inside took a shower, made a cup of coffee and sat in the balcony reading Harry Potter. It is still raining and it makes me happy.

People who know what indian summer feels like, also know what monsoon feels like. Perfect break from the scorching heat and humidity.

I wish I could upload a picture but since I’m blogging through my phone its not easy.

Little loving laziness…!!!!!

Imagine a girl who gets up at 130 pm, runs her hands through her short messy hair, washes her face and puts on her purple jeans, pink t-shirt and pink slippers, takes her car keys, puts Lady Gaga at loud volume in her stereo and drives to McDonalds to get her breakfast at 4 pm in the afternoon.

Yep that’s me when I’m not being the grown up 26 year old Team Lead Content Writing giving orders to my team.  So last night I worked on Dominique a little and I have one tiny issue. My story is being told by the first person, Dominique. Now i wonder if i should go for the second person story telling thing. I think i will have to finish the story, read it and then decide. Or maybe i can finish a scene, proof read it and publish it here, so i can ask for reviews. Hmm, i think maybe.

You know i have never had black coffee, but thanks to this Spanish intern i love black coffee now. This reminds me, i don’t have coffee at home. But I’m not going again, because i haven’t taken shower and i don’t plan to. I am going to give myself 3 days to finish my current novel, 3 days if i write Dominique alongside, but if not then i plan to finish this book by tomorrow. And I’m not joking here.

As i was standing in line waiting for my turn to go say “Hi i have money to waste and a whole day to sulk, give me a burger” i saw a girl with a foot disability. I was like “Shit Little, you are all fine and healthy and yet all you do is scream at the top of your lung about being sad”. Being me is difficult because I’m aware of the fact that my problems are not the biggest and most horrible one, that there are people with so much of real suffering and fight, yet i crib. But truth is my injury is small very small still it does hurt. Maybe i could have been stronger about things if i had the power to talk about it to someone, anyone.

I better go as i have a self given challenge waiting for me, have a book to finish.

Oh by the way, have you ever tried too jump and dance on your bed while brushing your teeth at the same time? In case you plan to do such stunt, i would suggest following song:

That’s me today

That’s again me only i had a brush in my mouth

That’s what im talking about, only i was dancing and jumping on the bed

 

Cocktail…!!!

So after spending a good amount of time writing an angry post, I pressed Ctrl A and Backspace. Then I decided against blogging and thought of leaving you guys with a song. So here I’m searching for an old favourite song “I’m Jealous” by Shania Twain and I end up finding other songs from the same album and I realized how crazy I went when “Up” was released.

Believe me after writing and deleting over 400 words of angry post, I’m now smiling because I have my headphones singing Shania Twain’s songs from one of my favourite era. I wish Shania Twain would come up with a new album, because I think she is amazing. She was one of those singers I listened to when I was a crazy teenager with braces. I was in senior year of my school when her “Up” album released and I remember for next few months I was just listening Shania Twain.

I was heartbroken when I heard Shania Twain’s guy cheated on her. Yes, I’m that girl who feels bad for celebrities. I can cry right now if you tell me Meg Ryan is sick or Keanu Reeves is retiring.

Even as I look at the empty cup of ice-cream wondering if I should have bought some more, I can’t help but enjoy Shania’s soundtracks. It is strange, I’m all angry and at the same time smiling like a kid who found her old lost toy. I have this weird cocktail of emotions rushing inside me. I guess I’m thankful to YouTube for taking me back to memory lane of my teen years.  I wouldn’t be lying if i said that right now i just don’t want to talk to anyone, but at the same time the music i’m listening to is calming me down.

Who came up with YouTube? I want to hug him right now.

I am going to spend my Saturday in this room, sulking, dancing on my bed, sleeping, watching reruns of Glee and Greys Anatomy and if possible visiting Dominique. I feel like Hulk, angry Super Hero.

I plan to spend my Friday night writing and reading. Nothing works like weekend, so excuse me I have some sulking to do for two days. I am so pissed that I don’t even want to go Dark Knight, but I will go anyway because A- it’s a Super Hero movie and B- it’s a Super Hero movie with Anne Hathaway.

“Our actions are what set things in motion” –Vampire Diaries

I will give you a fine example of how messed up I’m right now, I spent past one hour listening to Shania Twain but now I’m going to leave you guys with a video from FRIENDS.

Oh Dear Little, you are so kind…!!!!

Voices: You are pathetic

Me: No you are pathetic

Voices: Oh no no no, you are

Unknown Voice: Greetings

Me: Aaahm Hi, who is this?

Voices: Hey Little are you trying to freak me?

Me: Shut up voices

Unknown Voice: Hello Little, Hello Voices…It’s me the body

Voices: laughing

Me (Ignoring the voices): Hi, Hello

Body: How are you?

Me: Good

Body: Would you like to ask me the same?

Me (Confused): aaa… Ya, sure. How are you?

Body: Not good, you see a lot many parts of ours aren’t fine

Body: The shoulder hurts

Body: And don’t even ask about the head in morning

Body: Also we are little low on energy and stamina

Me (Confused and Guilty and looking at Voices): 

Voices:

Body: The stomach feels little unsettled too

Body: Oh and the mind can’t really work

Body: and the…

Me (interrupting): Ya i get it.

Body: Oh please do not mind my babbling. I would not disturb you unless it’s important

Body: You see I was just wondering if…

Me: If?

Body:  Would it be possible for you to sleep a little early and

Me: And?

Body: If it’s not too much trouble, maybe start workout. Only if it’s not too much…You see

Voices:

Voices:

Voices:

Voices: Best day ever

Voices:

Me:

Body: Dear Voices, please do not trouble Little much. She has her reasons.

Body: Dear Little, i would not impose any pressure on you.

Voices:

Body: Voices you are rude to Little

Body: Little would it be possible for you to consider the request, you see

Me: ya i…aaa.. sure…aaa…why not..hmmm…you know what… i will..aa..okay..i will try

Body: Oh dear Little, how kind of you to…

Voices: BEST DAY EVER

Me:

 

 

You…!!!!

I still live with you, in my head, in my heart. The world tells me you are gone, I say not really. You are still the girl I met on the subway, the eyes I saw in Starbucks, the smile I fell in love with on the beach. We met, fell in love and we decided to live every second with each other.

Do you remember how much you loved teasing me, hugging me and singing to me all day long? I never said I love you, as much as you said, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off you. Even when we walked with hands in hands, I felt like it was a dream. What you did to me was beyond words, what you made me feel was too good to be real and what I felt when I was around you was and is still too big to present in words.

You made me fall in love with so many things, life, sky, trees, music, melody and myself. I think I told you how you made me feel good about myself. I was never like this before, what I was with you. I smiled more than I ever did, I was happy like I never was and I was more than a name and a face. I could never thank you enough, never love you enough and give you what you gave me.

The day you walked away, I felt pain I never knew existed in the world. Even now I replay the last day, the good-bye and the last kiss again and again in my mind, trying to bring it all back, hoping to relive it again. I know it’s silly but a part of me often wonders, if it’s possible to just go back to the long forgotten lanes, empty old memories where we lived, loved and smiled. Everyday I feel like I felt when you held my hands for the last time, when I saw those tears in your eyes and when you were lost at the corner of the road.

I know you are gone, but I still find myself with you on those streets taking a stroll under the rain, like we used to. I know we were not meant to be a story, but we became a song I can’t get out of my head, a melody I live with everyday.

Today I no longer cry, I know you haven’t gone far I feel you inside me every second of everyday. You are the still dream I lived, the happiness I felt, the reason world felt better, the picture I can draw even with my eyes closed. Like a magic you came and turned me from a dead leaf to a colourful flower.

Like we were meant to collide and shine, before the sun came down.

I was once a writer…!!!!

Long time ago I wrote a story about 4 girls living in a small town, loving life and everything about it. One fine day a tragedy strikes and life changes, the protagonist of the story (one of the girls) moves away. Time goes by and she grows up to be a successful young woman, its then she decides to revisit the town. I don’t remember much about the story, because I lost it somewhere but I do know it ends where it began.

Why I’m talking about a story I wrote and lost in dust of time? Because I wonder why I don’t write much anymore. I used to write lots of short stories and forget about them, because I never thought I was good enough but i wrote them anyway. I still don’t think I’m good enough, but now I just don’t write. Maybe because I take unsaid voices too much. I wonder how one would react to it if he or she reads it, which I never used to do before and thus I wrote and wrote. Dominique is hanging half way, because A- it has a touch of reality and B- I wonder how would one react if he or she reads it. I mean why should I care if someone doesn’t like what I have cooked up in Dominique, after all it’s my work and if I like it I shouldn’t worry about others. Wasn’t I planning not to share it with anyone? Yes but I still wish if I could share my work and get to hear what people think of my characters and plot. I’m a highly messed up person because I have a story but I don’t wish to share it.

There is another plot on my mind and I almost wrote 2 or 3 pages but left it because it requires little research. The whole dedicated writer persona in me has been beaten to a state of coma, so I don’t feel the need to take out time to search. Maybe I should just use fictitious names for places and continue work on the plot.

The work I do everyday is so monotonous that it kills the creative soul of mine, leaving me feel like I can’t write. I always wanted to be a writer like a lot of people, but now I wonder if it’s even possible. I hear people going for self publishing thing and I know maybe I can do that, but for that I need time, motivation, inspiration and self confidence. How do I get that? Don’t know.

If only I wasn’t too busy being a Super Hero, if only I wasn’t too busy trying to not go beyond repair, if only I could type and type all day without worrying about things that are not in my hands (o yes they are I just pretend to say they are not).

Someday I will write something and complete it and say “this one is my master piece”, something I said a long time ago.

Voices: Hey writer chick

Me: Sarcasm not allowed

Voices: Really? Aww

Me: What do you want?

Voices: Do you remember diary?

Me: Guilty face and silence

Voices: Do you remember bed time reading?

Me: Guilty face and silence

Voices: I’m sure you remember 8 hours of sleep? And do you know what lack of sleep does?

Voices: Oh wait how could you? You are a writer not a medical professional.

Me:

Beep Beep Beep…Awesomeness level dropping…Beep Beep!!!

Agony is a strong feeling, unless you are a member of club blue it is hard to actually see the word as something more than a word. It takes every muscle in the body to cover up an agonized faced when trying to pretend everything is okay.

Sometimes I don’t want anyone to see me, because it hurts to keep up a straight smiling face all the time and I can’t afford to be me. I have no answers; have no reasons, no stories to tell…. there was this line in Vampire Diaries “When someone asks how are you? They really don’t want an answer”. How true is that? I don’t know but I guess it is true to some extent. Not many people like to be friends with those who are friends wish agony. I never know why live on this side of the road, the one with no one. As I sit and watch others on the other side smiling, happy and peaceful I ask myself or rather beg myself to just get up and cross the road and never look back. How easy is that? To say pretty easy but to not be me is impossible.

Today I’m agonized by the thought that one day I will be broken beyond repair and there will be no one to call. It’s not that I don’t have friends or family, it’s that I have pain and it’s just inside me.  I’m agonized with the fact that one fine day everyone will say “told you so”.

Truth is, agony is like a condition that makes it hard to feel normal, the whole emotions come rushing at anytime anywhere and there is no immediate and effective relief potion or remedy. I don’t know why I’m sad right now, maybe I know. I was blue and listening to sad songs when my friend called. She was sad and was sharing all the details about her day. I listened to her and then tried to talk to her and tried to make her see the better side. At that point I wondered she doesn’t even know what’s going in my mind. Why can’t I fix myself like I fix her? It is so easy to talk to her, tell her what went wrong, who was wrong, how can she mend things gone wrong etc etc. She always finds it helpful, my advice. How do I do it? It’s like chess. Being the third person, watching it from another angle makes everything so easy to deal with, but when you are the one in the game or situation there is just anxiety, stress and agony.

Someday, maybe someday, I will feel something that has no touch of agony. I wish to live a moment when I can’t remember what it feels to not feel like there is a dagger inside me. I wish to not be the person who has to close her eyes when a sudden rush of stubborn tears threatens to destroy the fake appearance in a crowded room.

Till then i shall keep quoting “You are a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly” from You’ve Got Mail…!!!!

 

A little longer…!!!!

Like a leaf gone dead

She falls, falls down

Day & Night

She plays a soldier, in her fight

Wounded by silence

Of no one

Walking beside her

She says “just a little longer”

Lying to every muscle in her bone

Not admitting it’s all gone

The battle is lost

It’s time to fall, almost

Screaming in a choked voice

“No surrender”

She has no choice

It’s all about waiting a little longer

She murmurs

Begging herself to be stronger

She has no reasons to continue

She has no reasons to give up

Seeing no shadow

Makes her stop

There is no one and nowhere to go

But like a paper blown

In the wind

She moves forward to a destiny unknown

A little longer is all she sings

As silence is all that rings

A lonely cloud in the sky

She has many questions all starting with “why”….!!!!