Little wants to win place on Le Clown’s blog…!!!!

Little is high on weekend and has spent all day smiling while listening to Hello (last night’s song) because she slept. She still need more sleep but last night’s early light-off was good. Going for Pj party at my badminton friend’s place. Lots of good food and back to back last two PLL episodes.

Funny thing while i spent all week snapping at silly things today i went to license office and came back home empty handed (government offices are unhappy places with very crazy people) yet i was all cheerful all day. I was like “never mind”.

Since i am leaving in 5 minutes, i would like to leave you guys with link to the magnificent Le Clown’s blog. Need my blog friends to vote for me so i can earn my place on the blog master’s blogroll (hey Le Clown does calling you magnificent and blog master earns me any noses? 😉 ). Vote for me people with a plain and simple Like. and enjoy the fun challenge he has put up.

blogroll-contest

roller-giraffe-contest

Time to get ready for a long night…Goodnight world…!!!!

 

Hulk is angry, Hulk wants to sleep…!!!!

 

So my sleepless week has driven me to edge of craziness and today was a fine example of it. Dammit! Little self control dude. Anyhow, i better go early tonight because i have a very long day tomorrow and then the slumber party which means no sleep again. Where is Saturday man? i need Saturday and Sunday so i can sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. Phew!

Anyhow, leaving you guys with a song from Vampire Dairies soundtrack

She has a happy place…!!!!

She is angry

But can’t tell,

She wants to stop

But all she does is swell

With so much rage

Like a bird in cage

What would she do?

She tries to think

If she got to go

Far away

To a beautiful day

She can’t move

She has nothing to prove

So she stays

Dreams and prays

She has a happy place

You are free she says

Closing her eyes

She likes to build

A world where she can fly

Where there is no word like goodbye

Tears of joys

Fills her heart

Oh boy!

She shouts

As she flies high

As she touches the sky

She know she can’t stay

At a place away

From the pain

But she likes the rain

Of happy thoughts

Even if it’s for awhile

She gets to smile

She has a happy place to go to

She whispers

You can fly and be free too

Singing alone in her cage

She calls the happy place a bandage

To hide her broken bones

Dangling and grown

Out of her control

Making her fall and roll

Here and there

Every day she tries to race

To her happy place

Every day she falls back hard

There is no escape

So she stitches dreams to give them shape

Of a world she wishes for

Of freedom she can have no more…!!!!

 

 

 

Being a Super Hero is not an option…!!!!

So I have a question today? I mean my mind has a question only I can’t really decide what to say in reply. Does truth really sets you free? Does it? Does knowing what is real makes thing better? Does it makes you fight easily and get through the war more comfortably? Or does knowing truth makes it more painful and difficult?

I don’t know what really it means when they say “truth sets you free”. I wish there was someone I could ask. Anyhow, how does it even matter to me? I mean I already know everything, the whole future thing. People say they can’t see future, I say bummer I can. Haa!! But seriously, why do they truth sets you free?

Today for some reason I was thinking of this guy who liked me but i had to say no to him. Now that I think of it I think I did him a favour, I saved him from years of misery. I’m a super hero you know. I really do save the day only people don’t see it. dammit!

Sometimes I wish I had a person I could sit with and talk to, but I can’t. Not that I don’t have people to talk, I have an army of awesome people ready to listen to me and give me my I-am-in-pain-save-me hug only I can’t talk. Sharing is like stirring up a silent pool of muddy things, it takes time for it all to settle and till then all you crave for is to shake it up and spill it out every day, every second. While at first it’s good, it is, but then it starts leaving strain on you and everyone you have included in the pool.

Also, not every story deserves a listener. Some of us have no option but to hide the Peter Parker  inside us and wear the mask, even in-front of people who know us.

Hmm…This is boring…Lying and hiding makes life so much fun.

Be the song…!!!!

Be the song

Of my love story

Right or wrong

As  i stand here

Thinking of you forever

Every night i meet you

Fell all over again for you

Head over heels

Without you nothing feels

The same anymore

Even when i say am yours

I know we may never

Cross the same road

So we have been told

Every song i wrote

Every feeling i fought

Is because i cant let go

Because i cant show

Often i see us

Talking a walk

Sitting close to talk

Holding your hand

In my hand

I look ahead

With always a question

In my head

Would you be the song

Of my love story?

Right or wrong…

You should have met me few years back…!!!!

Somebody remind me why I stopped watching Nikita? Oh yes I got busy with other shows. This is a perfect example of “Out of sight, out of mind” thing. It happens you know; only exceptional people can fight this theory.

Anyhow, so back to Nikita. My friend and I have planned another slumber party for coming Friday, as we plan to watch two back to back PLL episodes including the grand mid-season finale with lots of good food. We both are totally into PLL and came up with this whole idea of finishing last two episodes together with popcorn, pasta and other nice nice stuff. So she banned me from watching PLL’s remaining episode alone and I had to do something to pass the day. This is what happens when you don’t have the thing you want, you start looking for comfort in other stuff. I found Nikita’s season 2 folders and now I can’t stop myself from watching it. I have been watching it back to back now and am almost on verge of finishing S2.

Dammit! Now I have to wait till October for all my shows to return and Nikita has been added to the list too. I don’t know how I got distracted with other shows and left this one unattended after its first season. I love the team Nikita, Alex, Michael and Berkoff. The whole silent friendship and mentor student relationship between Nikita and Alex makes me sort of emotional. Fact that Nikita loves every member of her team and is ready to save their asses anytime without fearing her life is so damn cool.

Man I love fiction, books or TV; I just love the whole ability to enter a different world for a while. I mean don’t we just end up being the best buddy of the main guy or lead girl and wish everything would happen right for him or her, get sad when one of the character gets hurt or dies and feel the confusion when everything is messed up in the life of the characters. Or maybe it’s just me. That could be the case, after all I’m tend to take solace in fiction to feel things I can’t feel in real life.

Yesterday while I was working on Dominique to upload the page, I almost uploaded one of the main pages the one that gives you a major introduction to the protagonist but I didn’t. I don’t want judgements on Dominique, I can’t take criticism on this one because it is something I’m writing for me and knowing that what I’m writing is being disliked would make me stop. I know I shouldn’t care because I m writing it for personal reasons and also to prove myself that can finish a story. I’m not sure what’s stopping me or maybe I do. I always know.

Tomorrow I have a lunch plan with old college girls and I can’t avoid this one. Though I would love to, but I have already avoided so many such occasions that at one point you can’t do a thing but give your presence for sake of leverage you get in order to avoid next 5 such occasion. You just have to attend one social gathering and then ignore next five saying ‘hey I loved it last time, only I wish I could make it’. I have utilized all my leverages and now I can’t ignore tomorrow’s lunch.

My badminton friend is also my college friend and she knows how badly I want to not go, but then the best she can do is try to get us out of there asap. It is hard for me to explain why I’m scared of being a part of a circle I once enjoyed. Mostly it’s the questions about life and work.

Set of questions I run from-

What you are still working at same place?

Why don’t you look for a new job?

Are you seeing someone?

When are you getting married?

Why are you still single?

So what are your plans now?

What is up with you? You don’t call or meet?

Why don’t you come for a get together anymore?

Believe me I have answers for each of them, only they are as much messed up as I’m which means they won’t sound like answers to them.

Let me share another theory of life with you – happy people do not get things, no matter how messed up they are for you. A person who is happy is colour blind to twisted darkness. I do not wish to disrespect anyone because I wish to be a part of team happy too.

Anyhow, I will go and present the best of me with lots of smiles and excuses to dodge rising eyebrows, lots of “WHY” questions and silent “She is weird” head shrugs. How do I get myself into these lunches anyways? O I forgot I was once social. Dammit Little!

Do you guys think I’m crazy? Maybe I’m crazy. Reminds me of Damon Salvatore’s line from Vampire Dairies when he said to Elena “You should have met me in 1864, you would have liked me”.

You guys should have met me few years back, you would have liked me. I am sure, maybe, I think so…I hope so!!

 

Something from Dominique…!!!!

I am thinking about changing name of my story to Goldstar…long story will tell you why some other time……

Every time I thought that it was the last time I was seeing Kristine I ended up being wrong. Two days later, I went for lunch with Annie to a Terrace cafe.

“I think you should have said yes for the road trip” Annie said. I told her all about Kristine and Tim.

“Nah! I don’t know. I really don’t think I should be making any plans. I Have no time.” I didn’t look up and pretended I was busy searching something in the menu card. I knew it’s not easy to lie to her. Mike and Annie just knew when I was lying.

“You know Dom, you can’t really live all your life staying away from people” she held my hand “you deserve to be happy and be like everyone else”

“Ann…I…”

“No more excuses okay. I want you to fight Dom. Please for Mike, for me, for you.” She smiled but I could see the worry in her eyes “and beside you do sound like you had a nice time with those two”

“I think I did…” I saw her eyebrows rising up “Okay fine I did” and we both burst into laughter

“So what do you want to eat?” she asked and signalled a waitress to take our order

“I don’t know I wi…” hearing my name made me stop

“Dom? Hey hi” Kristine was standing next to me dressed in a waitress uniform with a notepad in her hand and a pen.

“Kristine?” I looked up and the surprise on my face was clear “what are you doing here?”

“Just working my shift. I work here on weekdays for 2 hours every day” she looked around “could I get you two ladies something to eat or drink?” she was smiling and for a change was very polite. Am I dreaming? Was what I wanted to ask myself out loud but I didn’t.

“Ah yes! I um I think I will have Mac and Cheese” why are you working here? You have a Lexus. I stopped myself from asking thousands of questions running through my mind.

“And I think I will just have chicken Pasta and some red wine please” Annie said

“I will be right back” Kristine smiled and walked away

“She is pretty, you failed you mention that” Annie gave me a look

“Okay! She is. But why is she here?” I scratched my head

Few minutes later our order was in the table but there was no sign of Kristine. She wasn’t around and I couldn’t find her around other tables.  Annie and I enjoyed our lunch talking about her pregnancy, my plans for my medical exam, Mike and Mike. We even planned a trip to her parent’s lake house next month, when Mike was taking few days off from his classes. I promised Annie I would shift with them once the baby is here because I wouldn’t let her be on her own. We joked about various baby names we did not wanted and how Mike found them pleasing. All this time something was nagging me but I just couldn’t put a finger on it. Only when I was saw Kristine again I realised what it was.

I escorted Annie to her taxi and was walking towards the parking when I realised I left my bike keys on the table. I ran back and found them at the reception counter’s lost and found section.

“Thanks” I smiled at the girl on the reception “excuse me can you tell me where can I find Kristine Cooper? She works here.” I asked “She is a friend of mine” I added that when the receptionist gave me a curious look

“Okay. Her shift is almost over I think. Let me check” she made a call to someone on the top floor “ah yes! She is still here. I think you can find her on the terrace cafe”

I wasn’t sure what I was going to talk to about, but I couldn’t help the feeling nagging me for past one hour. Dressed in her denims and t-shirt, she was standing on the terrace corner smoking. She looked like any other customer.

“Hey” Don’t ‘hey’ Dom…Walk away I could hear voices inside me begging

“Oh hi…I thought you left. I saw you leaving” she threw her cigarette in the ashtray next to her

“Yeh I did…I…um hey can i ask you something?”

“Sure”

“Are you okay? You don’t look okay” I didn’t know if I should have asked that

“Why do you say that?”

“For starters you are nice to me today” and we both laughed “and I don’t know I just felt it”

She took a deep breath and turned towards me “Dom I’m glad I found you here. I wanted to apologise for that night. I was drunk and I don’t know why I end up being like that”

“You don’t have to apologise”

“No I have to…I ruined your date and I was mean to you and now Tim is all mad at me” she was looking at her shoes

“Did you guys have a fight?”

“No no we don’t fight but I know he is kind of mad at me. He won’t tell but I always know. He told me how I behaved with you and how I destroyed your evening too” “I didn’t mean too” She said sheepishly

“Is that why you left our table to someone else?”

“I have already ruined your date once”

“Well that woman with me was my sister in law, my brother’s wife and we were talking about you guys only”

“You were?” she smiled

“Yes, I was telling her how much fun I had with you and Tim.”

“You did?”

“Yes sure…it was a great evening. Besides who doesn’t like to enjoy late night drive to Starbucks” I smiled

“Hey I have an idea…can you help me with Tim?” her eyes were all cheerful again

“What can I do? Tell me?” I wanted to help her

“Decorate and get takeaways…I can’t cook” and we both started laughing.

Little turns 27…!!!!

While I may never find my dawn, but today I found a street light and I’m going to hold onto it for as long as possible. Those who have been reading my posts for last few days, know how broken and blue I have been feeling and how I didn’t wanted to do anything but stay inside my room on my birthday. But I never thought becoming 27 was going to be so awesome.

Since midnight yesterday I have been getting surprises and surprises and surprises. Right now I’m so happy and overwhelmed that I wish to cry (happy tears) but am too exhausted to do so. Phew! What a day. Believe me I thought, okay will meet my friends, eat something nice, sit somewhere nice and come back home. But little did I know my friends had something else planned for me. Not only did I get loads of gifts, I was treated like a queen.

When the clock struck midnight declaring 23rd august my family gifted me a HCL tablet and believe me I was like “Whoa!”, because I always wanted one of these gadgets only I knew I would never buy and never ask for. Then I get up to so many calls and wishes. One of my best friends is back in India for few days (she was in Minneapolis) and so I was like will meet her on my birthday. We talked on phone and planned a meet. Little did I know what she had planned, for me. She took me shopping for my birthday…yay! Then we sat, we talked and we ate. I was so happy to see her, I missed her a lot. She is awesome, not only does she treats me like a little kid sister she also introduces me to things I would never do or know on my own. She is like a style icon.

So I’m happy with the day, because I met my awesome friend and we did shopping and had great time together. Now plan is simple, meet my badminton friend, then meet my office friend and finally a dinner with my parents somewhere nice. But here is the problem.

Me: Hey where are you? Are you coming? Should I meet you somewhere?

Badminton friend: I will come to your place

Then she comes and

Badminton Friend: sorry girl but I won’t be able to stay for long have something to do

Me: really you are busy? but its my birthday?

Badminton Friend: sorry got to go in 5 minutes

I’m like little confused because now things aren’t going the way I had planned. So now I have some time to rest before I meet my office friend.  I’m waiting and waiting but he won’t get free from work.

Me: where are you?

Office friend: Sorry stuck here…10 minutes more

Me: really?

And then I’m sitting out in my balcony wondering how my awesome afternoon has turned into a lame evening. And then finally he calls and asks me to meet him. I get up, pick my keys and drive. I meet him, we talk and he gives a gift and asks me to open it once we are sitting inside. I’m happy again. So I walk inside unaware of what’s coming. As we walk this guy from cafe wishes me happy birthday and presents me with flowers. I smile at my friend because I thought this was nice of him to ask the cafe guys to wish me with the flowers, he got for me. And as I walk towards the corner of the cafe (where we plan to sit) I see balloons lots and lots and lots of it. I see cake, I see gifts and then suddenly I hear SURPRISE and there is my badminton friend and my brother (who also mysteriously disappeared from home in evening).

My two friends and my brother planned all this for me, without letting me know. My best friend and mentor who isn’t in city knew and my mom knew. It was like a great evening. Though I did miss my best friend and mentor, if only she was here.

To be honest i needed this day, i needed so much of excitement and surprises. The kind of breakdown i had last week, i needed this so badly. My life wont go the way i want, but today was like life was telling me “You are screwed baby but don’t worry there are people who love you”.

Thankyou for 200…!!!!!!

Like they say every night is a sign of a dawn, while I may not get mine but I did get a nice day after yesterday’s darkness.  What happened yesterday was nothing but a close meet with a major fact of my life that won’t change, so why sulk and ruin it all. Today is another day and a better one. I woke up to a beautiful rainy morning with a pleasant weather and thanks to my early-to-bed routine I was all active and fresh and enjoying the work pressure.

But there is another reason why I’m smiling right now. Its 1:50 are and that means my birthday has just begun. While I wasn’t looking forward to my birthday much, I guess its going to change because already nice things have started to happen. I will give a full birthday detail tomorrow because for right now I have a thank you to give.

Today is also 200th post for my blog, which is a super awesome thing for me because this blog means so much to me now. I can’t believe I have managed to reach the 200 number because I was never serious about blogging when I made this blog and in fact I stopped blogging for a while. But now it’s like I can’t sleep unless I update a post and check few blogs. It’s like my diary now, I do feel guilty for leaving pen and paper but I’m so in love with my blog.

Party Time…!!!!

My blog not only lets me express what I want, happiness, anger, pain or love, it also made me meet some amazing people from different parts of the world. I mean I have made friends and it means a lot. When I started blogging regularly I was afraid of writing what’s on my mind wondering if I should write any post which is sad and simply declares me as a crazy demented dark soul with nothing but blues to share. I tried to refrain from being honest but then I guess I forgot my own rule of not sharing. At times being honest can be difficult but fact that my readers  are so awesome, I can be myself. And one day I might actually be able to talk about the real stuff, the one that makes me a Super Hero all the time.

Since it’s my 200th blog I want to thank each one of you, those who comment, those who like, those who read silently and those who have become a part of me. Can’t thank you enough