When darkness becomes a place to close to heart…!!!!

In my efforts to distance myself from people around I have forgotten what it feels like to have fun. While last two days were spent having good time, enjoying slumber party, late night coffees and horror movies, board games and pillow fights, I also realized that it’s not something I cant afford to have much. You cant make people stay away from you while having the time of your life, there is no win-win in life. At least not in mine.

Well a very tiring but pretty good weekend has come to an end, time for Gotham city and I’m sort of ready for it. Because my body is so much used to cribbing and complaining that days spent not doing so end up exhausting me. Sometime I wonder if there is possible for me to get out of my blues ever, I mean if tomorrow miraculously life gives me what I want, everything gets fixed on its own, everyone is happy  and there is no more secrets, would I know how to behave? Would I know how to smile and un-friend agony? Would I miss getting angry and blaming everything?

I mean I can’t even spend one day without feeling guilty and worried about having a good time and feeling anything other than anger and agony. But I’m also sort of confused with my own self. Really it’s hard to explain but my current state of mind is totally confused and I’m not sure why. Actually there is so  much going on in my mind but I refuse to talk about it. I refuse to let them come out and tear me like a dagger; I refuse to deal with them like everyone else. What’s on my mind shall stay inside and I will deal with it my way.

Sometimes i feel like hugging myself and telling myself everything is not going to be okay but you are not alone.

Though I did miss working on Dominique, reading, blogging and lying on my bed all day refusing to do anything. I missed it all, but I wouldn’t be lying if I said I was happy to have been away.

Okay so from tomorrow I am starting with morning workout and I think this is going to be little challenging for me. Because people who know me have refused to believe I will go through it, but hey I can surprise them. Also I can’t afford to play after office anymore, thanks to the changing weather. So I got to plan things for me. Plan A to get up early, play, get ready for the day and come back home early and go to bed early. Plan-B to do everything to make Plan-A work. Yay! Go Little.

To do some time management I also plan to dedicate Friday and Saturday night for Dominique. Okay I have almost made a timetable, days set for workout, nights planned for writing and now all I need is to make sure I go to bed on time. Because a sleepless me is going to be the first thing to destroy it all.

What do you guys think? Can I do it? Can I get up early and make the schedule work? Will find out tomorrow.

 

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12 thoughts on “When darkness becomes a place to close to heart…!!!!

  1. I know you can stick to your plan, if it continues to feel right for you! So go for it! 🙂
    I’m sorry you’re confused and wondering if you could be happy even if given the right circumstances. I can totally relate to that, and I can only say: you never know. Some people are just the worrying kind, I think you and me both are, but we can always strive to become less worrying – actually I do think it’s pretty important to worry less than we do – even though it’s hard.

    • thankyou Pia…guess what i did get up early but my friend failed to show up..she was sleeping..poor thing is in shock that i got up…. 🙂
      maybe im worrying kind…its just crazy
      you know i was having so much fun this weekend and i was totally conscious about it…

      • It’s so wonderfull you had a lot of fun, and you know what, being conscious about it is not all bad, you might worry more, but you might also appreciate it more than if you just took it for granted 🙂

      • I wonder if that isn’t something that all writers do? It’s as if we are doing, enjoying, living and at the same time standing back and ‘watching’ ourselves doing, enjoying, living.

        Use it! The more you know about yourself the better you will know your characters.

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