So here is the thing, I think I have found a therapist and I guess there is hope for me. Only problem my therapist is not a living breathing two leggy person I can hug and cry when talking “why the hell I’m angry and blue all the time?”, but never mind as long as it keeps a smile on my face.
I am talking about music here; I have come to a conclusion that I can’t survive a day without music. I drive to work with music in my car, I work with headphones on, I come back home with music in my car, I blog and surf with music in my laptop and sometimes I lie down with headphones plugged to my phone, turning off the lights. There are days when I end up leaving my headphones home and I start panicking calling home, asking someone to get me my headphones…it doesn’t matter if I don’t get to listen to a single song with the busy schedule.
Now that I look back I think I have spent so much of my teenage pocket money on walkman and batteries and cassettes. But before you end up thinking I’m some highly talented musical girl, let me tell you a secret despite listening to same song all day i can’t sing it correctly. I can’t, just can’t, remember lyrics as they are. Avril or Gaga, no matter who is singing I can’t sing along without making blunders. Guilty. But that doesn’t stop me from singing out loud in my car with my windows closed.
Like this morning I was singing out loud banging my fist on the steering wheel to Glee version of Its Time by Darren Criss. Yesterday I did the same to Call Me Maybe. Often I look around to see if someone is noticing me. Crazy girl on lose.
So if I’m happy you must know I have some new songs in phone, I’m am low you must know I can’t stay even 5 steps away from my headphones and if I’m feeling nothing, definitely hand me my music folder. Most of my emotions are directly linked to music in my phone; I have done the synchronization well. Good day, bad day…doesn’t matter but I have to have my phone and headphones. Like I said it’s my Therapist, makes me smile big if the day is fine, makes me calm down if it’s another anxiety attack situation and makes me feel okay when it’s hurting inside.
Its like music is the battery running me. Every day I walk a little more it’s because I hold on to a song to help me from falling. Best part about music is it knows even the deepest and darkest corner of me. So when I get hurt, I shrug it with a song. I bury my head in one song till it stops hurting. When I’m happy I ruin a happy song by playing it again and again to get as much energy as possible.
I don’t know what it says about me though, but I do know I die the day music dies…!!