Voices: Guys guys give it a break. I can’t hear it no more.
Wardrobe: But she is great.
Body: You said it Wardrobe, Little is awesome.
Voices: O please, my ears
Car: You know they are not wrong, she has changed. I am so clean lately.
Bed: I agree
Voices: People focus…Oh come on Bed look at you all filthy…really?
Body: Voices you are mean, because even you know Little is awesome
After wasting two days of my weekend sulking and crying over life and things I can’t have but wish I could, I finally got over the blues. Today was a national holiday because today we celebrate Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday. So I was home and happy.
Last night I watched 3 back to back episodes before I slept and woke up in afternoon. I watched Dexter’s season return and it was mind-blowing just so awesome, I saw Revenge’s return episode and it was good and then Castle. I like it when I know I don’t have to get up early for Gotham and be all “I’m awesome and yes it’s my real smile” in front of people.
So I woke up pretty damn late, made myself some noodle and did what I had planned. I cleaned (almost) my wardrobe and man it took all my day and there is still two sections left. Thing is I got distracted while cleaning, because I found old diaries and stuff. Cleaning wardrobe after centuries only to find old birthday greeting cards…priceless. The feeling of finding old letters, old birthday greeting cards and stuff is so overwhelming and yet amazing. I then went through old diary pages randomly from random diaries and it was like I was time traveling. Everything was so real and in front of me. But some of the entries confused me because I didn’t write why I was angry or upset. I used to do that not mention the exact reason because I never liked writing bad about someone.
At first it was fun because I was laughing at how things had changed, how a day that felt so sad and hopeless was now a blur and gone. How what felt broken back then was fixed now and all that things, but then too much reading made me realise how I did go through a happy phase, a phase I had written about so much using words like “I don’t want anything to change”. Unfortunately even back then I knew it wasn’t going to be there forever.
Well, apart from a trip down diary pages, I did manage to clean a major part of my wardrobe and I then went for running and little rope skipping in evening. Yes, I cleaned and I did work out. I used my holiday this time, I wasn’t on bed listening to songs all day and telling myself I’m doomed why pretend. Truth is pretending has made me reach here, point where I have bundles of pages to tell me I have been fighting and surviving and maybe I will survive. Pretending made me reach here; where these bundles of pages are a proof that life does get better even if for a while.
Now I don’t write diary and record everyday like I used to because now there is no more surprises left but I will still pretend and be awesome. Why? Because like Meg Ryan’s character Captain Karen Emma Walden (from Courage Under Fire) said “No surrender”…Maybe i will make it or maybe i will not, but I will not throw away my awesomeness because there is no dawn.
Song for the day – watch?v=j-fWDrZSiZs