There are people I wish to meet at least once before I die, they are not big celebrities or some Oscar winning people. But they are people I wish to meet, because they are my heroes because they are what I wish to be but cannot be.
Sometimes when I am low and without any hope, I tell myself to smile because if I am not destined to have what I want, to live the way I want, I will born again. Somewhere in some other life, I will be the “me” I wish to be. Right now, I wish I could just ask someone, anyone to hug and not let me go even if I say so. Right now, I wish I could just speak and speak about things to anyone, someone.
Funny thing I had a pretty okay day, nothing happened to trigger this moment of “Right now” but then I guess I do know what happened. Anyhow, since I can’t get a hug and I can’t talk, I know what I will do. I will make me a cup of tea, listen to some Brandi Carlile songs and sign-up for NaNoWriMo. I’m not sure when will I ever get used to the sudden attack of pain that comes and goes leaving me hurt.
While i was writing this, I get a call from my friend who was kind of angry at her boyfriend and at one point she said that “you are lucky, you are single”. Well I know from where she is standing my situation looks like a bliss, no relationship, no misunderstandings, no fights etc etc. I smiled and said something like “I don’t know how to answer that but I will tell you one thing, one day when you both will get out of the distance relationship and live in same city, you will be happy and lucky and never for once think being single is better”. I don’t know how to really answer questions where usually people say you must be so happy, you are single. I don’t know am I? Am I happy or lucky? I too went through love once, though many people won’t count it as love, I too had a heart break situation and I too long to find love again only I really can’t. It’s so messed up, funny thing I can’t tell so I say “yes! Its fun being single” or “you have no idea how lucky I’m” or “I know being single is so damn good man”.
Love is a word that hurts me like a dagger, because it’s not meant for me yet I can’t help and want it more than anything else.