There is no good at keeping fake hopes, believing in dawn and thinking someday someone will rescue me from the lies. Truth is I can’t lie to myself anymore, not even pretend for my sake. I will walk the road like everyone else, play with their rules but even if i say “i quit” i will never stop dreaming cause you can break my bones, take my hope but you cant take my dreams away from me.
My mind has been going crazy with everything that’s inside me, at one point I thought it was going to burst into million pieces but that’s when I found my saviour. My best friend asked me and I spoke about a lot of things especially about the last night. When you see someone in pain, someone who can’t be helped what do you do? You tell them you love them anyway. She did that and it felt good. It always makes it easy when you know someone is looking out for you. Only problem is, at the end you are at your own care.
From where I’m sitting I can see pieces of my heart on the floor, on the bed, on the chair…it’s everywhere.
Today I realized what I wanted to say last night…I’m not you, deal with it…!!!! But problem is I couldn’t say it yesterday, I can’t say it now and maybe never.
Good news is its Friday tomorrow and just 9 some hours to go before I can actually drop all my masks and fall on my bed break into thousand pieces of despair. I think I should sleep for 10 hours straight to get myself back on board. I’m so numb with lack of sleep that I don’t even feel sad anymore, I don’t feel anything. Just one more day of Gotham. You can do it Little.
I’m looking forward to spending some time with Dominique and new idea for NaNoWriMo…it will cheer me up a lot. To be honest, all I wish to do is stay in my room and do a marathon of Winona Ryder movies.
Better go now; I’m already not able to focus at work. It’s like I’m there yet I’m not there. I’m talking to my team but I’m not there. I’m sitting at my computer looking at the screen, but I’m not there. Where have I gone?