Jeez! Batman you are cheerful today…what’s wrong?

So strange thing happened today and just like any other day I told myself “you are beyond repair, you are that twisted”.  I fail to understand myself sometimes.

For past 3-4 days I have been blue, so blue and dark that not only I almost became the crazy “Me” I was once, but I also lost all my focus at work. I mean I lost my focus at home, at work and was even ignoring people I hang out with, all this while counting second, minutes and hours to Friday evening so I can I come home and become the piece of despair with no more obligation to pretend. I mean I don’t know what happened but i do know it frkn scared me.

You know I’m a fan of myself, I think I’m an amazing person and when I snap and break like this I get scared and worried because it can make me walk to my crazy days.

Voices: Ahem!

Me: What?

Voices: Stop with the history dude

Me: Dammit!

See, this is what I meant …I’m losing focus easily. Okay! So after having an episode of serious blues I for some unknown reason woke up to a very energetic and lively mood. I woke up with good mood – Strange, I was driving with happy song playing in my car – strange, I was cheerful all day long – strange, I was a rock star at work – strange, I did not look at watch and said “What’s the time? Why is the time not moving?” – Strange strange strange.

One word to describe the day STRANGE.

I won’t say I was happy, I won’t say I fixed the snap, but yes I was certainly in control of myself unlike last few says when I couldn’t even pretend to be in control. I clearly remember when I was standing with two Project Managers and this happened. True Story!

PM 1 – Okay so we need banners for Facebook page

PM2– I will give you the size

Me – Nodding and nodding

PM1 – Blah blah blah

PM2 – Blah blah blah

Me – why are they saying Blah blah blah?

Voices – Dude! You are going cuckoo

Me – Look there is a bird outside drinking water from AC duct

Voices – you need help

Me – look it’s a pigeon. I thought it’s a crow.

PM1 – So this is how the concept would go. Can you get them done?

PM2– I have sent you the link

Me (Nodding left and right) – Yes sure absolutely

PM1 – Blah blah blah

PM2 – Blah blah blah

Me – what’s the time? One, more hour to go. Man I have never been to so happy about a dentist appointment. Hey! look the bird is still there. Wonder how thirsty is she or he?

Voices (Rolling Eyes) – Dude!

Believe me this happened, I was actually busy looking at the pigeon while managing to nod at the right time. I have tendency of walking in and out of a conversation, done before too.

Waking up cheerful and going back home with “Club Can’t Handle me” at loud volume made me wonder what triggered the mood? I mean I still feel the dagger inside and I still think I’m doomed. I think it’s because

A-     It was Friday

B-      My poor body is sick of being tired

C-      Can’t cry no more

D-     Talking to my friend helped

Right now I feel safe, scared, yet safe. I don’t know what’s really sad, being sad all the time or smiling while pretending to love myself over everything else? Even at the end of a day like this when I’m cheerful I live with a heartache.

Okay, so I have got Greys anatomy for tonight along with the Partners and few other shows but I miss Glee and I don’t know why it won’t come. Irony of life, I hate Mondays yet I wait for one because of the season comeback of Pretty Little Liars. You never learn how to use the word till life makes you feel it right there where it hurts. Dammit!

Got to go now, have few episodes waiting for me along with a page or two of Dominique. It’s party time people, me and weekend. Fun starts now. Tomorrow I plan to work on Dominique and a story chart of NaNoWriMo. I still don’t know how I will manage to write 1600 plus words every day. No clue!