Dear 2012, you were way nicer to me than 2011…thankyou and goodbye!!!!

There is this thing about me, I love the occasionally small surprises of happiness life gives because I know I rarely get the moments when I forget the truth. Year has gone by and I’m still where I was clueless about what’s waiting for me at the turn, but its okay because right now I feel happy. I had a good day, while a lot of people must have partied and spent the night holding hand of someone they love, I spent my new years eve having coffee and donut with two of my amazingly awesome friends.

It’s crazy, this week I met two very special people of my life and it makes me happy. I don’t know if people who matter to me really know what they mean, but I do know I’m happy to have them in my life.

2011 wasn’t a good year, I had some big expectations from it because I was drowning and I thought maybe a new year would bring some change it didnt, which is why I wasn’t excited about 2012. But I must say 2012 was way nicer to me, way better. Some really nice things happened in 2012, some good days, lots of nice moments and less crying-myself-to-bed moment though they usually never go away no matter what year. Hey I got my first car from my own hard earned money that was a big thing. Actually I think that made my parents happy and my friends too.

I went to Kashmir which is something I never thought I would get to do because that place is beautiful and far away. Two of my very awesome friends got married and are now happy which makes me happy.

As per the annual report card of WP I did pretty decent and people liked my blog which is crazy but nice.  Hey I wrote 50k words (yet failed to make NaNoWrimo) in one month first time in my life.

I feel sort of emotional right now, probably because I’m happy and sad all at the same time. No I don’t feel sad because the year is over, because at the end it is just numbers. I feel sad because a part of me is scared about what 2013 has to give, because the good moments of 2012 will now be just memories, because year comes and goes and I still find myself at a war with an invisible enemy.

But I’m happy too because I might be wrong and life might end up surprising me with Dawn. That’s me trying to be positive. Honestly, am just happy that I end up spending this week with two of my favourite people who stay away in different cities. I’m just happy that my most awesomely favourite person surprised me with a tiny visit today. I’m just happy that people I love are safe, happy and healthy. I’m just happy that my Snowy is better. I’m just happy that irrespective of my truth, I still have a part of me that wants to believe in miracles. I’m just happy that I have loved ones and they love me back. I’m just happy that God likes me because I’m safe, healthy and have the most amazing people in my life.

Before I go, thank you all of you for liking my blog, following me, just visiting and being my friend from different part of the world. This also reminds me 2012 was the year I officially stopped writing daily diary.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!!!!!

P.S last night I saw V for Vendetta…loved it. And now Natalie Portman has officially become one of my favourites. I had no idea why I didn’t watch this movie earlier.

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I did not write this post, wasn’t me…seriously, not me.

I have a secret, no no no I’m not giving you the “why I’m blue and twisted” story…it’s a small secret. I’m hopeless romantic, I love romantic comedies and romantic songs, I would love to get married and the whole idea of writing a wedding vow is so touching to me…but I refuse to acknowledge this and after I writing this post I would easily deny I wrote this post.

A friend of mine asked me “what’s the best thing about love songs?”…I said they just add to the pile in your phone and destroy the memory card and finally you have to buy a new one”…she called me unromantic and we laughed. Let me tell you what I really would have said.

The best thing about love songs are they make you a happy person, remind you of what you feel for real and smile even when you are at the worst mood of your life because you just thought about one person you love the most. Love songs make me you see your lover everywhere even when you are living miles apart. Love songs are like medicine to any pain. Everyone has a love song, because they are like heart beat you have to have them around, in your life to feel alive, to feel the pulse inside you, to feel the happiness in life and to never forget the love you feel for someone special.

So I was watching Gossip Girl and this woman in the show was having trouble writing the wedding speech and I was like “why? Whoa! I can do it even though I m on the top of the list of “people who are going die alone with no true love”. How can you not write a wedding vow, it’s a crime to not feel love inside, if I can…anyone can.

I might never accept how much I love happy endings, idea of two people getting married, love stories, mushy love lines, sweet songs about love and whole concept of doing everything for happiness of one person, but denying it all doesn’t make it any less true.

That’s why I say dibs on love in next life, so I do not have to deny how much I love love songs…

Meg Meg Meg….!!!!

So as you know I’m a sleep deprived monster who can turn into hulk or crying baby anytime, thus i have decided to call it a night. But before i go let me tell you how awesome the day was, first i get to meet one of my best friends after along time and i get a collection of all….wait for it….MEG RYAN movies.

meg-ryan-celebrity

 

Yes, you heard it right she burned 5-6 DVDs for me with all the Meg Ryan movies and now i have them all in my possession. Im rich with Meg Movies. Like super rich, even the ones i haven’t seen are with me now. My friend knows me; she knows how happy this collection makes me. I miss her alot sometimes, we go way back to our teens when we were crazy school kids. She is one of those people i worry about.

Even as i try to write my eyes refuses to stay open, so i better go now. Goodnight World!

I have a question before i go…Is it sad if you fall in love with fictional characters?

Excuse me i’m high on writing…!!!!

Even though it’s like 1:30 am and I am all ready for a horribly sleepy day tomorrow, I’m happy and smiling. Ask me why, ask me why. I wrote 800+ words for Jane Doe. Yes, I worked on Jane Doe. I almost feel like dancing on my bed but my Snowy wont like it, as he is busy sleeping. So I do imaginary dance inside my head for now.

Last night I created a Twitter account which I have no idea why I did because I have no friends on Twitter. I  have friends but I don’t socialize anymore to know if my friends are on Twitter. I guess it’s just a craze of using the Twitter app on my phone, like it was calling me so I made an account. I can do some really weird stuff and wonder why I did it. Doesn’t matter because I just created 800 words. Yes, I did.

So I’m so hooked to Castle that even though its super late and I have Gotham tomorrow I won’t go to bed without watching the S4 finale. S4 E22 was so awesome I was like whoa! It almost got me. It’s really getting cold day by day and I hate that because if it makes me lazy and not want to get out of bed.

I got to go now because my download says 11 minutes for the episode. Yay! I’m doomed for tomorrow but I’m high on writing right now so who cares.

 

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas…!!!!

I’m a Christmas person…I’m not Christian but I love this time of the year. Christmas is one of favourite days and I always plan something to celebrate it, either im out with friends or at home watching same old Christmas movies with junk food in my lap.

Usually I write down a list of things I want from Santa even though I know its just a list that will soon get lost in history. But this year I didn’t make any such list but there is something I want from Santa.

I want Santa, God, Blue Fairy, Genie in the bottle and every magical entity that we have to just take care of people I love, to keep them happy and safe. I am not a good person, I’m awesome but just little self absorbed and rude and mean, so I want to ask for health and happiness for people I love so much. Truth be told, there is no point to ask for something for myself because what i want, well, it would take a miracle. So if i get to wish for something i want my family and my friends happy and healthy. My dog too. Oh and i know there are so many people suffering around the world, i hope the rape victim girl survives and gets better.

Sending lots and lots of happy Christmas spirit towards each one of you, even if you don’t celebrate it i wish you have an amazing last week of 2012. Wow another year has come to its end, time goes by so quickly. It wasn’t a great year but it was way better than than 2011…which means 2012 was a decent year.

Christmas is just what i want at the end of the year.

 

Letter to Jane Doe….!!!!

Dear Jane,

I know I haven’t been visiting you much; in fact I hardly visit you now. I’m sorry if it feels like I have abandoned you but believe it me its not true. You and I became close so close that at one point I stopped doing everything but be with you, write about you, think of you and take care of you. It was a good time but it doesn’t mean it’s over, it doesn’t mean you don’t mean anything now. In fact it’s the opposite, writing you was the next best thing to writing Dominique.

Maybe it’s this reason that, I love you both, I am afraid to work on you or Dominique. I don’t know if it’s my fear of finishing you up and saying goodbye or if it’s my inability to actually finish anything at all, but please know you mean a lot to me. Give me some time and I promise I will visit soon, visit for longer than I do and work on you. I will come again and this time I won’t just right click open, stare at you and close you back.

You make me who I’m, a writer.  Thank you for that.

Little

 

I loved you then, love you now…!!!!

I loved you then,

I love you now

I want to stop

But don’t know how

You came and left

Like a season

Leaving me no reason

To wait for you

But I do

Like a landslide

Life brought me down

Took you from me

Left with a frown

And years of tears

I can’t wipe off my face

For you and me

Universe has no place

But I can’t let go

Of the dreams

I lived once

If only I could show

Scars and the pain

Of what I lost

And can never have again

I know

There is no happy ending

I know

I can’t go on pretending

What hurts will only grow

But I still dream of you

And me

I close my eyes to see

Us again like we were

Believing in forever

Because I did and still do

I loved you then

I love you now

I want to stop

But don’t know how…!!!!