And i thought i was ignoring words…!!!!

So it seems we might not going for the wedding. Under normal circumstances, I would have been happy about it but since the reason I’m not going is because my dad has got viral and he isn’t well, I dont really think it makes me happy. I rather be at that wedding than be at home because he isn’t well.

I was watching this episode of Castle where Beckett ends up with a case that brings out her PTSD and she has hard time dealing with it. Episode shows Beckett with her therapist and I was like wow I could do with a session like that. Would that help? Nope but what the heck I can at least talk and not worry about the guy or about being judged, after all he is getting paid to sit and listen.

I seriously wonder how therapy sessions and medicine help a person; I don’t think it can help me. But on the other hand, I don’t think I have that kind of depression. So I read a chapter from Jane Doe today and realized two things. A- I need more content more pages more words B – I think I can write okay and I think I’m a not so bad writer. I may not be Ernest Hemingway, but I can write decent not-great but decent. Anyhow, that’s what I think.

It’s getting cold and I’m not sure how do I feel about that. I have been a person who hates summer but winter isn’t my favorite season either. I prefer monsoon. Rain and rain.

When I was young, as in teenager kind young, I had this thing that if I ever get to choose my way of leaving the world. I would want to exit like Leonardo di caprio’s Titanic character Jack. Why? Well he died for love and right before he died he lived the most beautiful days of his life loving someone who loved him back. Yes I was sort of romantic once and then reality happened. I still am romantic but I find it difficult to actually show love when I’m busy fighting other emotions like anger or agony or panic and etc etc etc.

My body begs me to sleep but I think I won’t. I need a trip like a vacation…I need to pack my bags and get out of my city. I was going today but I don’t want to go to a wedding, I want to pack my bag and go to a city where the only purpose of my presence is sightseeing and eating all day. Anyhow, right now I’m looking forward to Christmas because around Christmas one of my oldest best friends is coming to this side of the country, which means I might get to see her. I miss her.

I’m so bored; I’m just writing random stuff. But to be honest I would love a real conversation right now. Only problem, I don’t have anyone to talk to at this time of the day.

Okay I think I should go…Goodnight world!