Right now, I wish to type everything that is inside me, even the deepest darkest corner of me but then that would be crazy and the end of my social existence. I don’t really care about people, wasn’t born that way but I do care about people in my life.
Sometimes I try to tell myself maybe it’s all going to end up fine, maybe everything that will happen will only put pieces in their right places and I will find the dawn. Maybe is a big word but I can’t trust it, so I don’t live in the whole aura of maybe. I can’t.
It’s snowing in the northern part of my country and I wish I could just take a break, pack my bag and go there. Only problem, it’s me and I can’t do that. Then again I do have a vacation plan I just need universe to not screw it. yesterday after a long long time I wrote few pages on one of my pocket diary that I keep in my bag for “breakdown” days when I end up going bluer than blue. So I wrote and it felt good.
I’m supposed to sleep now and I will do just that.
Today in the evening when I came home I accidentally placed my phone on a wet surface; there was some water on the table. I cleaned it and then I forgot. Few minutes later I was walking snowy when I realised my phone is off. My phone usually doesn’t switch off even on low battery and as far I remember it had some battery I think. I tried to restart it but I won’t start, I panicked. Usually the first thought people have about their dead phone is how to receive or make calls, my first thought was “fck no don’t die how will I go to office without music and headphones”. True story. I panicked that with no phone I will have no access to my music and there are still 2 more days to go before weekend.
I really need an iPod or something because while my phone is fine and alive it might someday actually die and leave me with no music. I will die if I have to go through my day without my headphones. I need music to turn off the whole cocktail of emotions inside me or in some cases to start flow of emotions.
Good news my mother is coming back tomorrow.
So its 130 and i need coffee, actually i need to sleep coffee is something i want to cheer me up. I wish i had icecream in the fridge but there is none. Okay i really need to go, i have Gotham and two more days. I am so looking forward to the weekend so i can sleep for 9-10 hours like crazy.
Have to work on Jane Doe too on the weekend. I miss the thrill of November but it’s okay December is my favourite month too.