So I’m avoiding writing, any kind of whether its blogging or working on my story. I’m just not sure how to write, because writing makes me real and I’m trying to be not me. I’m trying to be someone, anyone but not me because the real me is messed up and needs fixing.
Im trying to bury myself in Gossip Girl and endless number of songs while keeping me up till late night so that when i actually go to bed ready to close my eyes, i would be so tired that i wont have time to think and i will automatically fall asleep…Voila…no thoughts, no blues, no tears and no nothing. But being too smart always means you are being too stupid to, for example while i try to keep me busy, exhausted and away from thoughts im also throwing me into a sleep deprived monstrous mode where i might sleep without thoughts but i wake up bitter, angry, tired, exhausted and asking for sleep.
Lately i have started keeping a small diary with me at work, which helps when im having moments where i need to blurt out things but i cant.
Let me say this, i love Blair Waldorf and she is the only reason i watch Gossip Girl or maybe she is the biggest reason among others. I love Lily and Rufus too, their love is so cute. Im not a big fan of Serena but i do kind of like it when she always leaves her stuff to be with her best friend. But i cant stop this Gossip Girl topic without mentioning Dorota. Man! she is awesome.
Truth be told this is not the weekend i wanted, i had a busy day today and will have the same tomorrow but i just need a slow boring lonely weekend where im tortured with nothing but my own company.
Today my mom asked me about the status of Jane Doe and i told her its on hold for now because i need a break. Truth is i need break from my thoughts, so i can actually write plus i need break from endless episodes of television shows that i keep downloading to burn my mind.
I’m addicted to fiction, cant get rid of my headphones and super sleep deprived…!!!!