I as I sit here with my laptop I don’t know what to write, partly because I’m sad and partly because the lack of sleep has killed my thinking cells. Yes, I will sleep early tonight. Now i dont get up early to take anyone for a walk, no one jumps all over me pulling my quilt asking me to get out of my bed. How does one get over things? I don’t know.
My friends wanted to make a plan today or tomorrow but I don’t feel like going anywhere. All I want to do is be with me because I don’t have to pretend its okay with me.
Anyhow, since its hot now I guess I can go back to my running. Plus I need diversions and the whole 9 hours sitting is killing my neck. At the end of the day I’m not only emotionally lost physically my neck makes me cry.
In last two days I did another hardest thing of my life, I said another goodbye and it’s like the things inside me are so messed up I can’t tell. The pain, guilt, sadness and helplessness are eating me. My friends gifted me this most amazing little sweet little puppy who stayed with me two nights, keeping me up all the time, running here and there. I named him Frappe and man he loved me but today morning we had to give him away because for various various various reasons my mom won’t let me keep him. I miss Snowy, I miss Frappe and my heart is just broken so badly that I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.
I can’t forget the last moment of Snowy, his face when he left me and I can’t forget Frappe’s tiny eyes looking at me when he needed me to pick him up. Man! I’m a wreck and worst I don’t think I can explain it to anyone.
Like I said I will go early tonight, plus I know I will spend an hour crying before I can actually sleep.