Saturday came and went away…almost. And I did not buy me a book, did not work on my story, did not do anything except sleeping, eating and listening to music.
I did went out with my brother (I call him Dexter, like the cartoon Dexter) and it was fun. We both do this thing, where we take the car, put on loud music and drive to places where we can find best junk food. Only problem is finding the right song for the drive, as we both have different kind of taste in music. He is more of rock, rap and loud dancing music guy and I am all about Florence and Machine, Angus and Julia, Fun, Brandi Carlile, Avril, EdSheeran, etc…
So I did nothing and was lazy all day long. In the evening when my brother said that we should go out, when he comes back from gym…i almost, almost, opened my mouth to ask him “if you are going to gym, should I walk Snowy out or will dad be going out with him?” and then It struck me. Luckily I didnt say it or else I would have not been able to hold back the tears.
On Friday I got in touch with a friend from school days and I found out how mad she was with me. Still is, for I stopped staying in touch. I vanished, in her words.
She said we had good time and how we were besties and then I stopped being me. I didnt reply or call much.
I apolgised and promised I would be in touch and that it happened unknowingly, as I had a phase, as I was dealing with personal stuff which is why am distant.
Truth is she isnt the only friend with complaints. But then I cant just say “hey gal, sorry m just not the fun person you knew. I dont talk to many people now, usually am pretending even infront of my family too. I stay awake till 2-3 for I like my company and the time I can spend alone. I just went through a xanax phase and was diagnosed with Panic Disorder. And I have been battling depression for quite long now. And I had nothing to talk about so I vanished for I am scared of being in a social situation. Freaks me out. Oh and one more thing I have a secret that I havnet told you about. Blah blah blah”
I dont think she would be expecting that and actually get all that when she said if you have issues talk to me, you dont have to vanish. I think she believes am having boy trouble. For she sounded like she wanted to help me find a guy for me.
I know she wont get me because im not the best friend she knew in school. But I did had great time back then and I would want us to be friends, so I apologised and promised I will try to not vanish again.
Its 3:14 am and im hungry. Feel like making instant noodle thing. But It would wake everyone. I better watch Pll and sleep.
Hope tomorrow would be productive in terms of writing. Goodnight world!
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