Drowning in self-pity…!!!!

I can’t explain today I can’t, it’s a weird day. Probably, I just need to get out of the house and breathe some fresh air. I’m stuck inside the house, inside me, inside a trance. Trapped in a self pity phase where I’m bitter and angry at everyone else for the world is moving on and pushing me and dragging me along, not waiting for a second to take a look at me. I’m like girl in a crowded super market who is surrounded by busy shoppers trying to move ahead, left and right for time is precious, but no one sees the little girl who is lost and stuck and scared.

I am mad at myself for wasting the day, lying on the couch all day feeling bluest version of blue, not writing, not reading, not moving just not doing anything but feeling weird.

Last night i saw a movie “Now is Good”, very emotional and heavy movie. I was crying and i hate it when a movie does that to me. Anyhow, i need something to make myself get out the weird trance im stuck in. Maybe i just need to let the day pass by, maybe tomorrow i will wake up better. Who cares.

 

 

 

Absentminded…!!!!

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It was a good day today i had fun, but something wasn’t right. Don’t know why but i was not inside my head, i was somewhere else. I m having the right kind of day, friends, coffee, scrabble but I was busy someplace else. Thoughts. I was thoughtful.

I don’t know why i was absent.

I think its just sometimes truth keeps nagging you even when you are having a good day. I think i was just wondering how much life has changed in past few years, specially in last two years. Do you ever think about reliving a day? I do.

 

Little was a sunshine today…call the paparazzis…!!!

Today things changed, I woke up happy and smiley. Drove to work happy, singing out loud in my car, while enjoying the lovely rain. I was working with a smile on my face all day, even when I ended up in a 4 hours long meeting with my back aching I was happy. I thought this is it now my going to sulk but I didn’t; I walked out of Gotham happy. Bought me ice-cream and drove home singing along Sara Bareilles.

This is what freedom does to you. The thought of freedom made me a sunshine all day and I almost died of happiness because Friday night is here.

Right now I’m sitting all alone in my room with laptop and headphones feeling so much better, so much. Right now, right here I’m all real, all true and all me…no pretenses.

Today we, my family and I, were discussing Snowy. We were talking about him remembering his funny moments, how naughty he was his usual habits and how he used to run out of the house when our mom used to go out. He loved her a lot and would sit on the door all day to wait for her to come back, whenever she wasnt home. I found it easy this time, to talk about him. I usually can’t talk about him. Even mentioning his name can bring tears to my eyes. But it felt good to talk about him and smile at the memories.

So I’m going to leave you with Glee version of Soul Sister for I love glee and Darren Criss is awesome.

I’m missing Glee, probably because I have just watched so many of its songs on Youtube. This show will always be special to me. Will spend some more time with Glee’s amazing musical numbers.

Got to go now. Goodnight world!

Its monsoon outside and inside…!!!

You know what I love…sound of rain. Yes, I love sound of rain, the smell of it in the air and the feel of it as it falls all over the place.

I have been trying to stay away from blogging for few days for simple reason, because my mind is not working. Nothing is working. I can’t read, can’t write or do anything. I’m lost. I’m in monsoon phase, not the real one but the phase where im a cry-baby; all i do is burst into tears anytime of the day, any place. Awkward, when it happens at Gotham because man I have people around and too many trips to washroom would only mean I have had the worst breakfast. I m not trying to be funny, I can’t be funny though I feel lot better right now. Probably it’s the rain outside.

Today, I gave the silliest quote to a friend “Hope is a soap my friend and I am running out of it”. And my friend said I can buy you another one and I ended up laughing.

I am dying for a day off like a day when I can lock myself in my room, stay dirty, not brush, eat instant noodles, drink coffee and attach my phone with the speakers in my room at loud volume. Yeah! I want that.

I’m out of energy and it takes everything to get up and drive to work. I’m mad at a friend for she has moved to another country.

I found another friend this week, she has been a great help. Everyone say hello to Sara Bareilles:

I have to go now because if I didn’t sleep on time today, I don’t think I would be able to survive my Friday. Super sleep deprived, running out of positivity, blue and cry baby – pretty much what I’m lately. I got to go, you guys enjoy the song.

Can i hate my internet service provider & still go to heaven? Guess not…!!!

I wish we could choose our relatives like we choose our friends. Im not a fan of mine because its just hard to feel connected to them when they talk. But then i wonder if i look at myself from their eyes, i would be the odd one in the room.

Anyhow, i have a problem. I have a story circling my head and i have started work on it but now am being held back by something, maybe fear of wondering how it will come out. Was Jane Doe bad? Is this one going to be a bummer too? And worst why don’t i have a name? Im a person who usually has a name and then story. That’s how it goes, usually, but not this time. I just need to find a good soundtrack for this one.

Well, it was a good day. Family dinner, haircut and shopping. Decent i would say, though i feel bad about not writing a single word so far but i plan to write now. Hopefully i might go to bed with some writing done.

Goodnight world!

P.S i still don’t have access to internet on my laptop which is why am mostly away from urs and my own blog. Using mobile and internet for now.

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