Every story needs a bad-ass villian

If i a have choice to be born as someone else, i would probably not take it because i have had a good life so far and the people i have in my life are my life. But, some days i do wonder what if i had choice to not be me.

Lying all day all night, pretending and faking has made me a bitter and mean person which kind of hurts people and me too. I realise how i have become the bad guy among people in my life, directly and indirectly. Either they don’t know this maybe or they are just not sure how to fix it. I wasn’t this bad-ass mean person; i was once a girl who was nicer. Before i became the misfit, before i found out why i always was different, before i found how i can never be a part of sunshine world, before i realized how i am two different person in one body – one is what im and one is for what people want to see. Before all this, i was quite a nice little girl with not a single bone of meanness inside her.

Since im kind of cranky right now, i think i shouldn’t write much so im going to leave two songs i discovered and cant stop listening to. The one by Lesley Roy is probably written for me. I think even if i delete everything and just upload this one song, you would get my state of mind cause the lyrics are just i want to say.

This second one is probably way better than the original one. I think this guy has sung better than Bob Dylan and Adele. I cant stop listening to this one even though i am all Hulk right now. Right now, i feel like Kathleen Kelly from that scene where she closes her shop, walks home and sits alone in a corner with a soup bowl wondering where to go from there, feeling all lost and beaten by universe.

Im in love with a different music person, everyday…!!!

Today i wanted to do a post on a singer i can’t stop listening. But maybe some other day, because i don’t know when, and how, i wasted all my time. Why it is that during the day time at Gotham is long and never ending, while at night it moves like a Jet Plane.

I’m a night creature by habit, i live when everyone is asleep which is kind of creepy and weird but I’m fine with those adjectives. Right now i feel cold and kind of tired.

Funny thing is when i was thinking of telling you about my favourite singer i realised it’s difficult to choose one. I have more than one favourite music person. It’s like every day i cheat on each one of them by playing another’s music on loop. One day it’s Avril, another day it’s Brandi or Adele or some days it’s a band and some days i only listen to cover singers.

Who is your favourite singer?  Can you take one name?

Like today whole day i was working, living and breathing on Avril’s new album playing in my mp3 player but now i am stuck on Brandi’s music, because i think she is awesome. See, what i mean? Anyhow, i think i better sleep.

I wanted to read, i wanted to write and i wanted to watch some episode but i did nothing because time slipped by and now it’s almost 1 AM.

I miss Snowy. My room is such a lonely place now without him. He was the best roommate ever. Goodnight world!

my brain works when everyone else’s goes to sleep…!!!

Today I realized something I can’t write or my writer brain doesn’t works during the day or when there are people around.

After missing day 1 and day3 of NaNoWriMo, today I worked on more than 3000 words which aren’t great because as per the flow chart at this rate I will finish my book on 10th December…bloody too slow. Well I can’t even say 3000 was good because I had marked 4000-5000 as my target for today and I failed because I was distracted all day, wasted time here and there. All my output came when the day was almost over. Now so much of writing has made me dizzy and I don’t even know what crap have I written, didn’t even read it again. So tired and numb.

Hopefully I have one more holiday before I report back to Gotham. I can’t keep same target for tomorrow but 3000 like today would be decent. Someday I might post a scene or page from Jane Doe. With Dominique I work scene to scene, sometimes I write the start, sometimes the body or sometimes the end. In fact I worked on major scenes first before I worked on the start of the story. In Jane Doe’s case I started from start but today I also worked on a major scene from the later on part of the story.

I have been using Digital Daggers, soundtrack of Suckerpunch and Adele’s Skyfall for my work along with Greg Laswell. Music helps a lot. But when I’m in my room late at night with everyone else asleep and complete silence, my brain actually works well and fast.

Got to go now, brain fried 😛 …will watch something to relax and then sleep.

Goodnight world!

Let’s sing a song, forgetting every right and wrong…!!!!

Today I had a moment where I wanted to quit my job and become a bird watcher or an environmentalist. I wanted to learn all about environment, birds, trees and the green world and do what nature followers do. Not that I’m saying their job is easier than mine, in fact I think it’s too difficult to be them.

Reason I said I wanted to a nature observer was because I wanted to go outside stay in the open feel the air, instead of being stuck in a small depressing cubicle where all I do is put on my headphones to give people sign that I’m busy, whereas I’m just dying inside of nothing.

I often like to take a break and walk up to the window in our washroom to just look outside and feel the sun-rays and greenery of a tiny little tree at the backside of our office. Weird?

I think I know why I’m having trouble fixing me, why it’s different his time. My crazy part and my rational part are sort of in a tug of war and end result I’m fluctuating.

Sunday I did something stupid, something that can be easily described as carelessness. Although the blunder I did was amusing to people with me, I couldn’t find it amusing. All I wanted to do was scream out loud at myself. I was like “What d fck is wrong with you?” It was a classic example of how much I’m lost lately.

Sometimes I wish I was a singer, because singers are awesome people. I mean Avril, Adele, Gaga, Brandi and all those amazing people who live in my phone are like so awesome. I wish I could sing and express everything that I feel. I mean I know I can write but still. Which reminds me i still have no story, I mean I had but I don’t have it anymore. Why? How? Simple, my story that I was very happy to come up with holds so much resemblance to Dominique. Everything I think of is being overshadowed by Dominique. I’m just too invested in it.

Dammit! why couldn’t i be a Super Hero who could sing? MJ would have loved me more.

Voices tell me to quit NaNoWriMo even before it has started, but I’m not giving up even if I end up writing crap I will write everyday till I can. Like I said before if I’m going down, I’m doing it my way.

Happy Batman day…!!!!

Sitting on the floor of my living room with my laptop and a horribly gone wrong coffee, i am trying to work on my concept for NaNoWriMo.  Music in background is Glee Mashup of Rumor has it/Someone like you. Gosh! Adele is like super awesome.

I have one hour before i get up, get out of my pajamas and get ready for the dentist appointment. Right now, right here, i wish time would stop. Feel so calm, so peaceful and so safe. Man! I love lazy Saturdays.

Happy Saturday Batman day…!!!! 🙂

Darkness…!!!!

She breaks into million pieces everyday

but she knows it’s dark

when she hears every piece breaking and giving away

when without a scar pain makes a mark

but it’s the darkest

when she closes her eyes to the secrets

because she sees none

but herself all alone

she knows no love, no smile

not even for a while

she cant forget or yawn

imagining no darkness

no pain or mess

for fear never leaves her

like a heartbeat it ticks

it clicks

inside her forever

she knows no flavour

but emptiness

She knows no color

but darkness….!!!!