Sometimes it becomes hard to see the beautiful existence of life…

50 people who were unwinding, having a good evening after a long week, sharing drinks with friends or partners, are now never going to get to see their family members or loved ones because a man walked in believing he had the right to hurt them.

Here is what’s going to happen now:

1 – Some are going to blame it as ‘hate against lgbt’

2 – Some are going to blame it on the religion of the shooter

3 – Some are going to blame it on existence of guns

But in the end, we lost people and little more of, already in shortage, humanity. I saw a woman cry (on the news) because she couldn’t find her son, who was there with his friends and his boyfriend. She cried for the boyfriend who was taken to hospital with multiple gun shot wounds, she cried for the son who cant be found or reached and she cried for the horror of what it could mean. Gay or not, don’t matter, a mother lost her son.

While, my heart hurts for those who lost their loved ones I also feel so so sad for those who will now bear the brunt of one  man’s action. His family, his son, his parents and those who are good honest and hardworking American Muslims with nothing to do with his hate.

There is no punchline or quote to give because there is just too much pain.

 

Dressed in hate, we change our facebook icon to solidarity mode…!!!

For those with different opinion lets just agree to disagree.

I recently read about some woman who, runs a hair saloon, posted on her Facebook that her Saloon would not take people from Islam religion. This was her reaction to Paris attack.
Just when I was trying to make sense of it, I found this article today. I wish I could read it and say what a moron neighbor, but all I could think was not 2 or 5 or 9 but 19 cops.

Fear has taken us all down the drain far away from sanity. We are scared of Muslims, Blacks, Browns, LGBT, Asians, Refugees; heck we are even scared of Straights and Whites.

http://www.ndtv.com/opinion/my-white-neighbor-thought-i-was-breaking-into-my-own-apartment-nineteen-cops-showed-up-1245025

Funny thing is each one of us of would cry racism while doing the same to the other. You might be a Muslim but you’ll hate Gays, you might be a Black but you’ll hate a Muslim. I know some brown people who cry racism but often end up calling names to those in living in East or making fun of LGBT.

No matter who you are, you’ll always find someone to hate and someone to blame.

And we want to find Aliens…!!!!

Just one of those days when I miss the voices…

Have you ever had a day where you don’t feel anything? You are not happy, but you are not sad either. No anger or fear or anxiety. Nothing. You end up wishing for some kind of emotions, anything would do heck even tears would be great but there aren’t any cause you ain’t sad. No sadness. 

The only fraction of emotion that you feel is doubt. You wonder and doubt whether you’re even alive. Because you are that numb.

So you try to read but you’re not interested, you try to write a story but for that you need emotions but there aren’t any, you open your laptop to watch a movie but you don’t feel like. 

Not only do you not feel any emotion, you don’t even feel like doing things that you love. 

Have you ever had a day where voices in your head are locked somewhere, you do occasionally hear a muffled scream begging you to do something but you cant make out the words and have no interest in even trying? 

Have you?

No emotion is the worst kind of emotion

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Dilemma 

What’s right, what’s wrong…

Serene Depths

To speak up or not,

And what to say,

What’s right, what’s wrong,

And what’s grey?,

Who decides…. who prides, who subsides?

Those looking, or those in it?

If you really wanna know,

Then get in it…

Feel the pain,

Calculate the gain,

And then let’s see, who’s insane!

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Dear Martians, Run Now…!!!!!

So we found water or at least some kind of solid proof of it presence on Mars. You know the 17 years old me, back in time, would have jumped and danced and even cried with happiness, but the 2015 me is just so worried about the repercussion of it.

What? What? What?

Well, finding water is really cool and awesome but we are “HUMANS” we believe in causing pain, destruction and every possible type of atrocities to those who wish to live in peace. We found water now we would move mountains to find life and then we would land there and effinly rule like we are ruling the sad little earth.

Step 1: Find Life

Step 2: Smile & Shake Hands

Step 3: Click a Dozen Selfies

Step 4: Punch in Face

Step 5: Ban Local Music, Religion, Culture and Put “We Mean No Harm” signs along with…

“Martians with brown or black color report to left, LGBT Martians apply to right, those belonging to following religions as listed below must restrict to certain rules and remember to smile and say WORLD PEACE for our media camera. “

When I read about a 16 year old girl being stabbed in a Pride Parade, I literally felt tears threatening me on a busy work day. All she did was be part of a peaceful pride parade celebrating the equality rights and one lunatic just walks in attacks innocent people. Shira Banki, who had all her life in front of her, lost her life because among us are people who refuse to understand that everyone deserves to live. I specially don’t get those who hurt others in name of religion because I ‘m pretty much sure God never created people for sake of hating and hurting.

3 years old Aylan, his brother and mom were not the only ones who died on that day or day before or day after. But he became the heart wrenching -rock solid proof of how war torn countries are tearing the basic fabric of humanity, causing pain by those throwing shells and mortars and by those who struggle to shelter the scared ones.

And today I read about a guy beaten to death in a small town for he was, according to rumors, having beef in a beef banned place. Well, so we the humans just killed him.

It never ends, the pain caused by us. It would never stop.

I just hope Martians would run away to another planet before we land, because we are incapable of harmony. Some of us at least are totally incapable of following ‘Live and Let Live’.

I have been so exhausted mentally lately that now everything gets on my nerves and I can’t seem to shake the stinging darkness of the world I’m living in. Sometimes I wonder if Happy Ending is really a thing, maybe it’s a myth.

Forgive me for I vent…

17 years old me: Dear God let there be life and water on Mars
30 Years old me: #LOL
Martians on Mars: BOP BEEP BOP BEEP BOP BOP BUPPP BOOOOPPPPP (Translation- Run effin Eartians found us. Dammit RUNNNNNN)

ALIEN

Somebody made a movie on the voices…that’s new!!!!

Some days I’m so angry at everything and everyone that its hard to remember that I’m turning 30 and not 13. Its crazy, you don’t go rebellious and angry at this stage but I guess the voices in my head are living in denial. I’m just glad I was never this angry when I was a teenager, because I’m fairy sure that would not have gone well.

There have been days when I have slept thanking myself for not listening to me about punching the door or the table or the wall or any other piece of furniture around cause I’m not a real hulk, angry yes but not hulk strong.

So, today I watched Inside Out movie and while I was sitting there watching it I realized something ‘Somebody made a movie on the voices’. I wanted to laugh out loud (I cant use LOL. I’m old I guess) but I had people around. Movie was good but the fact that it was about voices inside the head made me love it even more. I’m pretty sure the ones inside mine are feeling like movie stars today. Now I know who controlled my day today the little red guy, I  just hope tomorrow its Joy’s shift, the pretty one with pixie cut. For some reason the red and blue ones have taken my console, wonder where is the jumpy fairy with blue hair.

Pixar Post - Inside Out characters closeup

Enough of me and my anger issues, leaving you guys with a good song. I’ve recently discovered Ben Howard and he is amazing.

 

 

Recipe of me…!!!!

Mix few glasses of anger

With little swagger,

A jar of tears

Salty yet so clear,

A spoon of awesomeness

A bag full of emotional mess

Few cups of hopelessness,

Pain and sorrow

One box each

10-12 glasses of fear

Some scream some screech,

½ a cup of fault

All the parts

Of a finely shredded heart,

Garnish it with anxiety

& breathlessness,

Pinch of stress

And perfectly cut pieces

Of facelessness

emptiness

& lies,

Stir it neatly

And you might

get it right,

The recipe

Of creating me….