Dear Agnes Obel…!!!!

There are these words in my heads, roaming around in random manners dying to come out but I don’t speak. I don’t speak or write or talk. So they keep jumping around making me feel heavy. I feel heavy because I want to talk.

Am angry at the world right now, so much that I want to continue talking and speaking till every single word inside my head is gone away and I can’t feel the heaviness. But I don’t. I don’t speak.

I think Agnes Obel is the only person whose songs are impossible to kill. I have been hooked to Aventine for days now and its like every time I listen to the song it feels like fresh daisies, even if I have it on replay mode. For someone with a reputation to kill a song, I truly believe she is a Super Hero of music world. You cant defeat her music. No you cant. If I could personally write to her it would go something like this:

Dear Agnes,

I would like to pretend we are good friends and we know each other, but I don’t think we can be friends for you are way too awesome to hang out with. You are a Super Hero. Your music is kind of saving me from some very hard things dancing inside my head. I wish I could tell you how awesome your music, the piano and the whole package with violin and the lyrics is. I would be lying if I said I was always a big fan, I wasn’t. I grew up breathing on Britney and Avril, I still bow to them. But then life happened, grown up life and I found you. Confession I found you from an episode of Revenge and since then I haven’t stopped stuffing my phone with every single song of yours. Among the Gaga, Savage Garden, Evanescence and Macklemore playlist, your songs stand like fresh daisies. Like I said, even on a replay mode they don’t die.

I know this might be the worst fan letter ever, but let me tell you I’m not a big crazy fan I’m just someone who cant imagine not listening to your songs when things go bad. They kind of tell me to close my eyes, go to my happy place and keep it together cause that’s what super heroes do. They fight. Sorry, I forgot to mention this before I kind of believe I’m a Super Hero too and that’s why I have so much respect for you. We are from same deal, we are heroes. Only you are a hero with a power to save people, I on other hand have no power but a lot of fight to go through.

Thanking you for your music from the bottom of  my super messed up heart that breathes on a lot of things and your songs are one of them.

P.S Aventine is awesome but dude Riverside is wow.

Love,

Little

I don’t think I should ever be allowed to write a fan letter to anyone, cause for someone whose job is to write I suck at writing a simple Thankyou-For-Your-Music-Im-A-Fan letter.

I better go now, for its way too late and I have a busy busy day tomorrow. I can hear voices in my head laughing at what I had promised myself about sleeping early. God! I’m going to be in trouble tomorrow. So much for the plan and check list.

Goodnight World!

Just wanted to talk…

Yes, Avril Lavigne has gone from awesome punk rocker to a pop diva i can’t relate to, but i found a good song from her current album. BTW, if you are someone who fell in love with Avril from Complicated and Nobody’s Home then never ever ever listen to Hello Kitty, cause it would hurt you bad.

I still love her because i grew up with some legendary Avril Lavigne songs…

Anyhow, before i leave you with the song I wanted to talk. Nothing specific, just random. Today, i was sitting in a meeting and some days when i’m a part of such meetings with the big guns, being the only woman in the group, i feel proud of myself. Because lets face it i’m not very good with things, i have worst management skills, i don’t like my work, i have personal struggles 24/7, i dont even have the leadership qualities one need to be a Team Leader and i have these friends called Panic Attack, Anxiety, Depression and Anger. But some days i feel like patting my back because only i know how broken i’m to be sitting around people discussing work and team distribution and management of resources etc etc etc.

Truth is i was taught well my mentor, but its kind of amazing how i’m walking straight on the rope even with the panic button stick to  my skin.

Maybe, i was born to be this…this girl who would be fighting secretly with unseen forces for the rest of her life like a SuperHero, while seeming pretty normal, childish and spoiled to people in her life. Bruce Wayne/Batman or Oliver/Arrow? Don’t know.

But, today i felt proud of me. I know there is no reason i’m the black sheep but i felt like giving myself a pat.

Happy Weekend…

Goodnight world!

Im in love with a different music person, everyday…!!!

Today i wanted to do a post on a singer i can’t stop listening. But maybe some other day, because i don’t know when, and how, i wasted all my time. Why it is that during the day time at Gotham is long and never ending, while at night it moves like a Jet Plane.

I’m a night creature by habit, i live when everyone is asleep which is kind of creepy and weird but I’m fine with those adjectives. Right now i feel cold and kind of tired.

Funny thing is when i was thinking of telling you about my favourite singer i realised it’s difficult to choose one. I have more than one favourite music person. It’s like every day i cheat on each one of them by playing another’s music on loop. One day it’s Avril, another day it’s Brandi or Adele or some days it’s a band and some days i only listen to cover singers.

Who is your favourite singer?  Can you take one name?

Like today whole day i was working, living and breathing on Avril’s new album playing in my mp3 player but now i am stuck on Brandi’s music, because i think she is awesome. See, what i mean? Anyhow, i think i better sleep.

I wanted to read, i wanted to write and i wanted to watch some episode but i did nothing because time slipped by and now it’s almost 1 AM.

I miss Snowy. My room is such a lonely place now without him. He was the best roommate ever. Goodnight world!

New Page Coming Soon…

I’m a music person something that everyone knows, i mean everyone who knows me knows my love for my headphones. Since lately im also a crazy person and have no sunshine to offer, lets just give you guys a sneak peek into people i listen to. So im going to add a new page to my blog about people in my music folder.

Also since with my next post im going to touch a whole new milestone with Little Miss Obsessive’s Anatomy, i have decided to make few changes with the whole look and theme. Wait and watch…

images

Till then enjoy Avril’s all new song…Man! i love her. Cant get this one out of my head…. #RockNRoll

Er, excuse me mister, can i buy a copy of ‘Simple steps to act like a grown-up’…

I have Avril Lavigne’s “Here’s to never growing up” on repeat and I’m enjoying it lottt…why? Because Avril is one of those people I fell in love when I was this weird looking school girl who was living one of the best years of her life. Also, this song is kind of my anthem, because I don’t want to grow up.

I know, I know…Little you are 27 and in few months you will be 28…you are already a grown up by the definition of it. But then, that’s the thing… or I should say that’s the freakin problem with me. I don’t act like one. I should, I’m suppose to. The day I will act my age, a lot will be solved and many people will take a sigh of relief.

Grow your hair, get rid of those sneakers, stop buying t-shirts, learn how to cook, become social and start visiting relatives and family members, stop staying up till 3, start getting up early, act responsible, talk practical, act girly and look girly, clean your room, attend family weddings and get married.

How do I do all this with my head messed up, depression being the season inside me all year round, blues being the colour of my life, anger being the song of my life, me dressed up in fear 24/7…how? Believe me I would love to just throw away all my craziness and become responsible, grown up, practical and everything I’m suppose to be. Nobody enjoys awkwardness when interrogated with:

“You know you should grow your hair”

“Why don’t you wear heel?”

“Wow?  You never wore mascara?”

“OMG! You don’t wear dresses?”

“So do you have a boyfriend?”

“Hey how are you? Long time…when are you getting married?”

I can’t stop being me, which might be a good thing if you go by the philosophical and motivational posters that at scream you “Be yourself”. Only problem, whoever made those posters and sayings never met me.

I look at myself and I wonder where am I going? It’s not just how I live, how I dress up, what I believe in and how different I feel…it’s just that sometimes I can’t see anything ahead. Like I don’t believe in tomorrow, like tomorrow is a myth. My friend asked where do you see yourself few years from now and I said I don’t know. Truth is when I was a kid I was too eager to grow up, I remember being a teenager who wanted to just become a grown up. Now I’m one, at least I’m suppose to be one, but I don’t want to move. I want time to stop, just stay still. It’s not about growing old; it’s about growing every day and walking towards unknown.

I want to breathe and the more I walk towards tomorrow the more difficult it becomes, like a noose tied around me.  Few days back there was a talk future, my friends were talking about getting together and working on something, like a business thing. I asked myself; where would I be then? I don’t know how people look up ahead and plan something. I don’t know how people act like they are suppose to. I don’t know how to go bed like a normal person, sleep, wake up and live a day with a smile.

When someone asks me you slept at 3? What were you doing? I can’t tell them…I was crying for some time and then I had to stay awake for few minutes to make sure I don’t sleep with crying eyes to avoid bad swelling teary eyes in the morning.

The very fact that I relate to Charlie’s teenage character from “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” book should tell you how grown up I’m.

You are not suppose to act rebellious when you are a grown up…but then you are not suppose to be damaged, twisted and living on the wrong side of sanity either.

 

 

 

Liebster Blog Award….!!!!!

Since all my guests have left and the wedding is over, I’m back to my world of peace, stories, fiction, sweet darkness and blogging. Its funny how comforting and sweet darkness and aloofness feels when I’m choking on pretenses among people who love me but don’t really know me.

Before I took the break I was awarded Liebster Blog Award nomination by lovely and super strong Jack Joseph’s Mom. I want to thank her for considering me worthy of the nomination and for being so kind. Jack’s Mom taught me loving what you lost is okay no matter if you are the only one grieving, no matter how much time it has been.

So thank you for the nomination my friend.

Rules are simple, say 11 things about yourself, answer 11 questions that have been asked by the person who nominated you and award the nomination to 11 people while creating 11 new questions for the nominees.

Okay here are the 11 things about me:

1-      I have always been tomboyish and now that I look back I don’t think I ever thought I would own green, purple, white and electric blue pants. I wore nothing but blue denim and thought anything else was weird.

2-      I can’t give up on coffee and junk food even though I was once hospitalized because of these things

3-      I believe I have a split personality or something because I’m always a different person when I’m with people and a different person when I’m alone.

4-      I lie a lot to people I love because it’s easy to lie than explain why I’m being difficult sometimes

5-      I can’t stop having dreams where my Snowy comes back to me, had the first one the very next night of his demise

6-      I think I will get a Tattoo soon, hopefully very soon

7-      I want to win NanoWriMo for once

8-      I want to meet MegRyan just once or Winona Ryder

9-      I hated the very first cup of coffee of my life, hated it big time

10-   I once wrote a play, which was chosen for the annual day event of our school. I also played a role in my own play. That was the first biggest achievement of my life where I felt proud of me, because I have always believed I’m the black sheep of the family.

11-   I wish to be born as a singer in my next birth

 

Now the questions asked to me by Jack Joseph’s Mom

  1. What gets you up in the morning?

Earlier it used to my love my dog but now it’s my Alarm and my mom. If it was up to me I wouldn’t get up before 12 because I don’t like my work anymore.

  1. If you could go anywhere, anywhere, where would you go?

Ireland for many reasons and one of them being the movies I have seen

  1. If you saw a vehicle accident – would you stop?  Why or why not?

I have tried to stop once when I saw one but by the time I came to halt I was far and had so much of traffic behind me. So I pulled aside and tried to see if the guy was okay and when I saw he was and people were helping him, I drove away because it was way too difficult for me to go back with the traffic and it being the one way lane.

  1. What is your most played song on your iPod (or whatever you listen to music on)?

I have blackberry phone my only access to music and I don’t know what the most played song is. You got me thinking, because I listen to songs all day while I’m working, even when I’m home and trying to work out, even now when I’m blogging and sometimes I listen to it while trying to sleep. All day I’m on my phone but I don’t know which song I listen to the most. Maybe For You by Angus and Julia. I think.

  1. What is your favorite way to exercise?

Rope Skipping

  1. If you could choose to be a certain age forever, what would it be and why?

I am scared of growing old but I don’t know which age I want to stop aging at.

  1. What would be your first purchase if you won the lottery?

If I win a lot of it like crazy lot of it I would buy a car for my brother. He is crazy and irritating and we fight a lot but I would still buy him a nice sexy car, because I know it would make him ultra happy. If I win not that much, then I would probably buy a bigger place for my parents. I know they don’t like this small apartment that much.

If only I was rich enough to buy them a bigger place.

  1. What celebrity do you get mistaken for?

No one but I would love to imagine myself as MegRyan or Avril Lavigne.

  1. What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?

Say goodbye to my Snowy. He died on 1st of March right in front of me in my bed. He was ill, in pain and died and there was nothing I could do. When I touched him, he had stopped breathing and he felt cold like he was no longer there. I can’t get over that day. I miss him so badly and it kills me when I enter home after a long day because he is no longer there to hug me, welcome me and tell me I was missed.

  1. What would be your most perfect meal?  Not just breakfast, lunch or dinner… but what would be on the plate/table.

If I have to name an Indian dish I would say Kadi Chawal with pickle and if I have to name universal one then its Pasta anyday…Pasta with mushroom would be great.

  1. What is your most favorite memory?

So many of them. My interview day has to be the winner for now. My Team Lead welcomed me inside the interview room with a smile and I realized there is nothing to be afraid of. Since then she has not only become my mentor my best friend but my sister too. And this job made me grow up as a person, learn things, become independent and see pride in my parent’s eyes even though it’s a small job. That day is memorable for it became the door to many amazing days.

Now people I want to nominate:

http://transcendingbordersblog.wordpress.com/

http://rumpydog.com/

http://acflory.wordpress.com/

http://talesoftwistedfibers.wordpress.com/

http://starsrainsunmoon.com/

http://dinktography.wordpress.com/

http://howanxious.wordpress.com/

http://depressedpessimist.wordpress.com/

http://ilikephotoblog.wordpress.com/

http://dreamingabouteveryday.wordpress.com/

http://cricketmuse.wordpress.com/

My 11 questions:

Friends or The Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother? What’s your pick?

Do you judge people based on their country or religion?

Are you a morning person or night owl?

What was the craziest profession you had on your mind as a kid?

Beatles or Beiber? What you prefer?

Do you read news everyday?

What’s your favourite crazy fun thing to do when by yourself?

Do you enjoy going out without umbrella in rain?

If left alone in a big shopping mall with lots of money, what would you buy clothes or gadgets? You cant have both.

Have you ever made a mix tape?

What’s your favourite book?

 

 

 

I’m part wine, part water…!!!!

Have you felt ever you are not one person? That there are two people living inside you, one messed up and other one sanity keeping you from falling over the edge. I think I am two people, a part of me is sad so sad that it usually stays sad and hates everything while the other one loves to laugh, smile, is nice to everyone and wants no part of blues around.

I want to dedicate Avril’s song Darling to myself because I wish someone would just say those words to me, tell me its okay.

My head hurts right now and with blurry wet eyes its hard to see what I’m writing. The sane part of me begs me to sleep while something inside says watch one more episode. So I watch back to back episodes to shutdown and turn off the good and bad me arguing.

Today I said something to a friend of mine and I think I scared her. She treats me her as her kid and is usually worried about me. I didn’t mean to scare her.

Its 3 am and I’m thinking donut or chocolate icecream. I wonder why I don’t have icecream in my fridge.

Among the various reasons why I’m blue and angry all the time, is also the fact that I feel like a thankless fool who has everything yet who cries unhappiness.

But, sometimes we hurt even when we didn’t fall…!!!!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

100+ Followers? Really? Seriously? Yay! Go Little…!!!!

Today I want to start with a big

Because I crossed the bloody awesome mark of 100 followers which is a big thing for me, like B.I.G…B.I.G. Past few months have been sort of a battle with myself, my fears, my thoughts and my inability to move forward. Blogging was suppose to be my way of working on my creative writing in terms of articles on current news, political issues, world and national happening, but now it’s actually my virtual diary where I can add a video or picture.

When I got my first follower I was like “Whoa! This person likes my blog”. Today with the number of followers going over 100 I still can’t believe people like my stuff. It also makes me happy because I, often, doubt my writing, because my monotonous job has made me believe that I can’t write that the writer in me has basically gone rusty.

Either you people are AWESOME or insane because there are no reasons for actually liking my writing. I’m so glad I found you or you found me, either ways I’m just so glad and happy.

So, here I’m thanking each one of you for following, reading, linking, commenting and for just being the part of this blog.

I may not be a big fish but being in the pool of WordPress is enough. My favorite part of the day is when I’m in my room working on my blog with my headphones on.

Something about myself for new followers:

–          I am obsessed with idea that I have resemblance to Super Heroes because like them I lie and pretend to be someone else.

–          I am obsessed with Meg Ryan movies

–          I think singers are beautiful people and I wish I could be one of them

–          Pretty Little Liars is on my mind all the time

–          I think I will get sad the day Glee, Greys Anatomy and Vampire Diaries come to an end

–          My dog is my love. I like to tell him that he is awesome

–          I’m not a praying kind but every time I do I ask God to keep my loved ones happy and healthy

–          I seek approval for things from two people

–          I’m not a good writer but I like to write anyway because it’s all I can do

–          I call  my work place Gotham City and pretend to be Batman

–          I sing in my car with windows up

–          I don’t know how to dance and I don’t really care but I wish I knew how to moonwalk

–          Avril lavigne, Lady Gaga are two people you will always find in my phone

–          Sometimes I listen to a song for one whole day and then it dies

–          Take the songs in my phone away from me and you might end-up killing me

–          I talk to myself a lot

–          I lie to get out of social get-together

–          Nothing in this world can make me stop liking Pasta

–          Buying books makes me happy even I don’t read them. If you find me buying books, you can ask me “what’s wrong?”

Today was a nice day, i met a very awesome friend of mine and it made me happy. There are few people who make me feel cheerful to the core because they dont mind the way im.

Then i went for Cloud Atlas with my brother and another friend.

But the realization that weekend is over was there every second. Man! i hate Mondays and i hate that i say this because i was once a Monday person. For next few days i will go everywhere in my scooter because my car is gone for repair. I have to now drive my scooter in cold weather because two young girls were out testing their driving skills. 😦 😦

Leaving you guys with my all time favorite song.