I think I know why I get obsessed with some shows. Some stories stay with you because they end up being the reflection of your own life. That’s why.
So today was a very boring and highly dull day at Gotham, which was also the highlight of my day. How? Well, when you end up staring at the screen all bored of the monotonous and stagnant 9 hours of life, you end up taking to yourself:
“This is it. I’m no longer going to waste my life. I have to get up and get out of my comfort zone. I will write and get my book published and never come back to Gotham or I will walk out of Gotham and find another job where life is little creative. This is it. From today I will work my way towards my dreams.”
And then you hear applause followed by laughter, uncontrollable ROFL kind of laughter, from the voices inside your head and you kind of smile because you knew how funny every word of your silent conversation was. I mean even you know you won’t and can’t ever break the shackles you have around you. Because you are, you.
In simple words, I had a boring, dull and super lame day though it wasn’t sad just booooorinng. Worst part is to get up in cold morning to drive to a place where I have to spend next 9 hours listening to each and every song in my mp3 player, drinking coffee and staring at my watch wondering how, once, Gotham was my safe haven.
I don’t know if its possible for a person to die of boredom, but my brain cells are surely dying slowly.
Leaving you with a song from “The killing”. Its a dark show but something about it will always stay with me.
It was a weird day because i was sleepy, low, bored and uninterested in everything. I kept telling myself it’s because I’m not well (caught a stomach infection) but truth is i was in a dull mode for no reason. Guess I’m exhausted from being sick for sure and then the work and the fact that I haven’t had my cup of coffee for past 3 days now.
Good news Weekend is here. You know when i was low and blue today i missed my stories, i did. I just hope this weekend i spend some time writing. I can’t give up on things i like, on my beliefs and my dawn, even if its all a sinking boat. What’s that song by Passenger “i AM NOT GONNA ROCK THIS BOAT CAUSE SEA DOESN’T KNOW MY NAME”.
I have a busy day tomorrow with the German translator coming for a day, so i better go. I am dying for a cup of ice-cream, chocolate one. Dark chocolate ice-cream by Baskin Robins. O man i miss good food.
Happy Friday to All and Goodnight World!
Im in pain and the reason, for the first time, is not my story but life in general.
I think its the fact that am bored. So bored of my work, when I ask myself what is it that do? I almost expect someone to say what Frank said to Kathleen Kelly. But then that is what happens in movies, in reality am not a lone reed. Am just a confused loner who is scared to walk out of her comfort zone.
I have been thinking about my job and I wish I could gather the guts to march into unknown.
Today im missing 3 friends all at same time, because I miss them. Yes, at same time.
Another reason am low is lack of good sleep that I make sure i never get. Why the hell cant I just sleep when I know have work tomorrow? Where is weekend? Man I feel drained out and exhausted.
I worry about people I love and today Im worried for a person who is very close to my heart. I wish i wasnt living in another city, so I could just visit and feel better. You know how when you are young and crazy in college and you think life would be the same forever. The good times, long nights, friends and carefree living, nothing will change. It does and today I feel like one of those old people who like to talk about their younger days with the words “when I was young”.
Right now am low on positivity and high on mixed emotions. Its raining outside and im hardly noticing because I dont care, im busy being worried, sad and confused.
You cant be your own friend, your own doctor, your own superhero…and when you try to, its nothing but a sad and sour reality that you are a lost cause.
I wish to take a day off tomorrow and stay home all day and indulge in self-pity, but I cant I will have to get up, drive down to work and smile at people when all I want to do is cry like a teenager who likes to believe that everything bad in the world happens to her, just her.
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Today I had a moment where I wanted to quit my job and become a bird watcher or an environmentalist. I wanted to learn all about environment, birds, trees and the green world and do what nature followers do. Not that I’m saying their job is easier than mine, in fact I think it’s too difficult to be them.
Reason I said I wanted to a nature observer was because I wanted to go outside stay in the open feel the air, instead of being stuck in a small depressing cubicle where all I do is put on my headphones to give people sign that I’m busy, whereas I’m just dying inside of nothing.
I often like to take a break and walk up to the window in our washroom to just look outside and feel the sun-rays and greenery of a tiny little tree at the backside of our office. Weird?
I think I know why I’m having trouble fixing me, why it’s different his time. My crazy part and my rational part are sort of in a tug of war and end result I’m fluctuating.
Sunday I did something stupid, something that can be easily described as carelessness. Although the blunder I did was amusing to people with me, I couldn’t find it amusing. All I wanted to do was scream out loud at myself. I was like “What d fck is wrong with you?” It was a classic example of how much I’m lost lately.
Sometimes I wish I was a singer, because singers are awesome people. I mean Avril, Adele, Gaga, Brandi and all those amazing people who live in my phone are like so awesome. I wish I could sing and express everything that I feel. I mean I know I can write but still. Which reminds me i still have no story, I mean I had but I don’t have it anymore. Why? How? Simple, my story that I was very happy to come up with holds so much resemblance to Dominique. Everything I think of is being overshadowed by Dominique. I’m just too invested in it.
Voices tell me to quit NaNoWriMo even before it has started, but I’m not giving up even if I end up writing crap I will write everyday till I can. Like I said before if I’m going down, I’m doing it my way.
So for last two days work is slow and sort of boring which is kind of annoying because often less work pressure leaves me free enough to think and go all blue. Worst happens when, like today, i leave my headphones…my precious little blue headphones…home. It scares me and im like O GOD IM GOING TO DIE TODAY. Fortunately i ended up finding myself some hopeless but useful headphones for the day.
NOTE to self – Never ever leave home without your headphones. Really? Are you suicidal? Who leaves home withoutr headphones?
Anyhow, so im bored at work, so bored that all i do is wait for weekend. Don’t know why.