Dear Me-5-Years-From-Now,

Dear Me-5-Years-From-Now,

I don’t know if you and I are the same, because I’m definitely not what I was 5 years from today but I do hope you are somewhat close to being happy. Funny thing is I was never happy, not even when I think I was. I guess this is where we sing our anthem Born This Way. I, also, do hope you are still hooked to the headphones because if you are I know you are safe and you’ll make it through whatever there is 5 years from now.

It would be crazy if you are anything like what I’m today because it would mean my level of anxieties, fear and blues are just the same. No scope of decline. Please tell me, 5 years from now you have finally found a way to get up early in the morning, because I’m sure I would be a late night person even years from now. And I also hope, so hope, that you managed to travel. Please tell me, you are or were in NYC. Please say yes. Please. Please.

It’s not that things are bad right now, not really, but they are definitely at a blind turn. So, I can only wonder what and where I would be next year or 5 years down the line. Just hope, I’m still not in Gotham. That would be the saddest thing apart from many other things that could happen.

I don’t know why I’m talking to you today, guess it’s because I can’t stop wondering if things would ever change like good-change. Would I ever get to stop being Batman, will there ever be a day I would leave Gotham and what about true love? I guess, my probability of finding water on Mars is way more than finding true love on earth. So, I just hope if not love at least you would have travel stories or a new job adventures going on.

Happiness is just a word and I know even if you have some of the things that I dream about, or wish for, you’d still be not happy happy. That’s not your fault. We have been stained by the ache so bad; there is no detergent to wash it away. But, if you are traveling or doing something you love its almost being happy. Not getting panic attacks anymore is the closest to happiness you would ever be. That I know. More than anything, I wish you are no longer lying cause if you are then I guess you too would find yourself with a letter like this for the 10 years later version of me. I know you too would want to know what I want to know, if the hiding and crying has stopped or not.

Yesterday and Today were crazy days at Gotham, which made me wonder what have I earned or learned in past 8 years, in terms of the work thing. Personally, of course, past 8 years have given, taken and taught a lot.

Among all the questions of who and what I’m 5 years from now, I have to ask this…Are you still writing? Did you manage to find a way to share your stories? Dear me 5 years from now, please be whatever and whoever, just don’t give up on the stories in your head even if it’s just for your eyes, because these stories are the only thing that have kept me going along with few good people. So, I hope you still have your stories and those few good people with you. If you have, I know you are okay and I’m going to be okay whether things are not what you and I want.

Hoping and wishing best,

Little from 2015

P.S No matter what, just keep hanging on.

P.P.S If the voices in your head are still mean, ignore. Like I’m doing right now, while writing this post.

 

Dear Winters, just walk away now…

I am tired of winters now. Making me lazy and well am already born lazy, don’t need more help from a stupid weather. It was a horrible day in terms of body ache. My body was hurting all day, dont know why. So when i came home all tired, in pain and pissed i made me tea after dinner and danced on my bed with loud  music. For i was mad and i needed to feel good.

Where the hell is weekend? O wait its 3 days away…somebody give  me a hug or a day off from work would do too.

I want a Sunday on a Wednesday…i want it, i want it, i want!!!!!!!!!

Funny thing 5 people just got engaged in one month in Gotham and now most of these girls are eating my head asking me when im getting married. I wish was i had a t-shirt saying –

I’m already married.Chose not to call you & my husband is in jail. so shut it.

I hate the concept of “You’re next girl”…its like a favorite song of everyone who is either getting married or just got engaged. Super annoying.

All i needed to do was get awesome grades & become a rocket scientist…!!!!

Last night, I saw this Charlize Theron movie “Monster” and dude I can’t believe how much I cried at the end. I mean yes, the character was dark, bad and a killer and I’m suppose to not like it but the story was so tragic.

Have you ever used your sweater’s or sweatshirt’s sleeves as tissue paper while you were crying your eyes out seeing a sad movie? Ya me neither…I’m just asking. Who does that? I never did that? Okay, I do that. Whatever.

A,nyhow, so I woke up all blue and I just wanted to stay in the bed all day and not talk to anyone because a part of me was trying to do that “World doesn’t care” thing. But I had to get up, wear my “Wassup people. How you doin?” face and take my guests for shopping to the city. While they were out I was sitting in my car with a takeaway cappuccino (You can’t take me for a drive without my morning coffee) and reading my book. I played the “Girl with the car” today and drove them around. I’m so glad that I live in a city that is still bearable when it comes to traffic and crazy number of cars on the road. Though some days it’s so bad that everywhere there is a long jam but luckily there are also days like today, when I get to cruise around without a break. I love driving. Hate the “Take guests to shopping” part but love driving.

Indian guests are kind of difficult, they kind of become owner of the house during their stay.

Basically I spent all my day driving with my kind of music in car. The driving made me happy and then I got to meet a friend I was missing a lot for past few days especially since the Gotham incident. Well, what can I say:

Sometimes even after waking up on the wrong side of the bed, a day can be surprisingly beautiful…

coff

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But it makes me sad that tomorrow I have to get up again, wear the same “Wassup people. How you doin” face and spend 9 hours looking at my screen wondering “Why couldn’t I study hard and become a scientist or an astronaut”…Who asked me to become a writer? Oh! Wait…I was born as a writer…I was born this way.