I miss my Alfred…!!!!!

Today I went to a shop and while I was looking around I saw Pedigree there. I started looking through the different products, the dog bones, the food and the stuff for dental hygiene etc and then for a second I almost said to myself “this dental thing looks good I should get this” and then it struck me, I don’t have a dog. It struck me I keep forgetting my Snowy has gone forever. It broke my already broken heart to million more pieces.

I miss my Snowy so much, some days it gets unbearable. When I see people walking their dogs, I feel like hugging their pets for I miss mine. God! It hurts so much.

Sometimes I dream a dream of him and that’s when it hurts the most because it feels so real and then I end up waking to a hole left by him. He was my life. He was Alfred to my Batman.

Dear Puppy,

I miss you so much that it hurts every single day…!!!!!!!!!!!

 

why should you vote for me?

So before i say anything, everybody raise your hands because i just read somewhere that Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart are back. Maybe its a gossip, and not true, but i would like to believe its true and i would like to say Oh Snap and dance inside my head…

I am a dark person, totally twisted and most of the time my mind is a crazy place but i like to see world as a happy place. I have been in love with these two people since i first read and watched Twilight.

You see I’m like the worst kind of person you can have around but i do have some nice things about me.

Why should i be nominated as Super Hero of the year?

I believe in equality, if not me then who? Come on. If i could i would have voted for Obama but sorry dude Sir im kind of not eligible but yeah go Obama.

I love love love Dogs and if i could i would buy a huge mansion and own lots and lots of dogs because i cant stop loving them. Even though losing one has broken my heart into tiny little pieces that can never be fixed. No animal cruelty and violence in my secret world, where im the queen. Of course only few people live in that land, me and voices in my head.

I love everyone, im big on giving love. Don’t believe me? Ask all the fictional characters i spend days talking to and falling in love with. Yes, i do know i give less attention to real flesh and blood around me but hey giving love is giving love…right?

I believe in spreading music around. How? Take a drive with me and you will see how i put on loud music and sing along with my windows rolled up. Who does that? Offering free awesome music along with a karaoke session.  Man! I can make you cry with the pain in my voice when i sing along a sad song. For disclamer purposes the pain would be physical torture caused on your ear drums and not the emotional soothing heart wrenching melodious one, but hey Pain is Pain. No discrimination when it comes to music in my land.

I believe in diversity. Some days im Batman, some days Hulk and then i do like to play Spidey too. Don’t believe me? Come to my room. So much clothes and books and socks and shoes everywhere, you will be lost and stuck…where do you get lost and stuck? In a Spider’s web…see? did you get it? Im a Spidey too.

Am so awesome that even the word “Awesome” gets upset if not used for me. Im like Jack of all trades and Master of all Jacks.

I can be a Super Hero with talent to be all of them, sometimes at once. A night creature who stays up all night and sleeps at work while still managing to kill the deadline. I can write a story inside my head while staring at my work PC screen for 30 minutes. I can go in and out of a conversation around me without the others knowing it because i nod, unknowingly and amazingly i nod, even though I’m at some fun place inside my head. I can listen to one song all day and yet end up screaming singing its lyrics in car (while coming back) like i just heard it for the first time. I can buy books and not even read them and still buy more because i have no books to read. I can quote “You’ve Got Mail” in every situation because i think i have never been in love like im in love with Katheleen Kelly and because “I’m a Lone Reed”…see quoting. Did you get that, Lone Reed from the movie? No you didn’t? Go watch You’ve Got Mail. How can you  not watch that movie and not love it and not quote it?

I can waste time like no one else can by thinking of four random things that i need to do and crossing them one by one singing Eeny, meeny, miny, moe only to realize i just need to do one thing and i have no time now because its like 2 AM in morning. Lastly, I (and this is for real, like TRUE STORY real) can drink a cup of coffee and sleep right after that for hours without even feeling bad for wasting, the coffee and, time i spent making it with hope of waking up my dead brain.

Phew! Honestly i don’t have anything to say. I am a twisted soul with one good thing about me i don’t like to talk nice things about me. Kind of humble. So even if you do not want to vote for me, i would be so not okay okay I mean after all Im already So Awesome…

Superheroes

Guess which one is Little?

What do you think? Awesome? Or Awesome?

Broken heart is better than a cursed one…!!!!

There are people I wish to meet at least once before I die, they are not big celebrities or some Oscar winning people. But they are people I wish to meet, because they are my heroes because they are what I wish to be but cannot be.

Sometimes when I am low and without any hope, I tell myself to smile because if I am not destined to have what I want, to live the way I want, I will born again. Somewhere in some other life, I will be the “me” I wish to be. Right now, I wish I could just ask someone, anyone to hug and not let me go even if I say so. Right now, I wish I could just speak and speak about things to anyone, someone.

Funny thing I had a pretty okay day, nothing happened to trigger this moment of “Right now” but then I guess I do know what happened. Anyhow, since I can’t get a hug and I can’t talk, I know what I will do.  I will make me a cup of tea, listen to some Brandi Carlile songs and sign-up for NaNoWriMo. I’m not sure when will I ever get used to the sudden attack of pain that comes and goes leaving me hurt.

While i was writing this, I get a call from my friend who was kind of angry at her boyfriend and at one point she said that “you are lucky, you are single”. Well I know from where she is standing my situation looks like a bliss, no relationship, no misunderstandings, no fights etc etc. I smiled and said something like “I don’t know how to answer that but I will tell you one thing, one day when you both will get out of the distance relationship and live in same city, you will be happy and lucky and never for once think being single is better”. I don’t know how to really answer questions where usually people say you must be so happy, you are single. I don’t know am I? Am I happy or lucky? I too went through love once, though many people won’t count it as love, I too had a heart break situation and I too long to find love again only I really can’t. It’s so messed up, funny thing I can’t tell so I say “yes! Its fun being single” or “you have no idea how lucky I’m” or “I know being single is so damn good man”.

Love is a word that hurts me like a dagger, because it’s not meant for me yet I can’t help and want it more than anything else.

Not everyone hurts because of a broken heart…!!!!

If you want to ask me about my haircut, don’t. If you want to know if I have internet now, don’t. If you want to ask me if I got my room back, very well, yes people am back in my room…yay!

I have marked Monday as the day I start running routine. Let’s see.

So how was the Monday? Like Monday, mean and tiring. But a busy day also means you just don’t know how quickly it goes away. Good and bad in one plate. It like a good cup of coffee gone cold, still has a flavor of niceness in it. But I also pretended my best to ignore the feeling of Monday or maybe I was too occupied to even feel it.

Today my friend and I, after we couldn’t get to go to the city, decided to buy ourselves something to eat. She has been feeling low eversince her boyfriend has left the town and I have my standard “I can’t you tell you why m blue, but I’m. True Story” mode on for few days. So I was driving and trying to cheer her up but its difficult when I’m busy cursing things, specially when life won’t let me have a haircut…seriously how difficult is it? Come on, just a haircut that’s all I asked for and internet and maybe a miracle…oh okay maybe a vacation and some days away from Gotham.

Voices: Ahem
Me: Waaat?
Voices: Your friend was sad and ?
Me: Oh feck…right, sorry

So when I was trying to cheer her up, I was wondering how valid it was for her. She had a reason and she could openly tell people its hurting, I on the other hand always end up pretending its the work. When people ask me why are you low, I lie something like ‘busy day’, ‘sick of same work’, ‘I could do with a vacation’, ‘too much of work pressure’ and many more silly lies. I mean truth is if you are in pain because of no valid reason, not the one you can talk about, you get worried looks without empathy. So you lie…but truth is not eveyone hurts because of a broken heart. Its true, some people just feel the gloom because there are other things, things bigger than a bad day at work, yet they lie with ‘bad day’ as an excuse because it sounds more appropriate than ‘o pardon my mood, I just happen to be like this for years now. Really don’t mind, its not that bad now’.

I think my parents are now having discussions about my marriage. Now this is the point where I find a genie or a magic box or a wizard (o what the heck…even a vampire would do…I don’t know how that would work though) and ask for a miracle. Which reminds me Breaking dawn is coming and ever since K-stew has cheated on poor Edward I don’t feel for Twilight like I felt before or maybe its the kryptic Damon Salvatore.

Glee is like 3 days away and no internet. 😦 seriously?
After Glee, the shows am eagerly waiting are Grey’s Anatomy and Revenge. Dammit! Internet Provider.

Haircut, new books, internet and a workout routine and I would be back to being Awesome again. Yes Little, you are AweSome. You are. What? You don’t think? O you are too kind…!

Song of the day- Life is beautiful by Vegas4.

Dear You..!!

Dear you,

I wanted to write to you

Tell you & talk to you

Would have started with how are you?

Maybe even asked about the weather

And moved on to small talks

Asking you

If you remember all those evening walks

Do you still have all those songs I wrote

All those gifts for you, I bought

How’s your work going on?

Do you still stop at that coffee shop?

Then I would have told you

That our goldfish is doing fine

I take care of the plants too

That I clean the table, just like you

Are you happy my love?

Is what I have asked you then

Because that’s why I took up this paper and pen

You are missed

How much is difficult to say

Probably its beyond simple words

But you are missed every second of everyday

Do you remember the first time we met

Or the first time we talked

Writing to you, I don’t know if it’s wise

I smile thinking of memories

While tears flows from my eyes

I would have added and struck out things like

Rain still reminds me of you

Summer is dull without you

Winters are colder in absence of you

Because I remember you always never smiled at it

Even when you loved my singing to you

Down the road there is a new pizza corner now

You would have been thrilled at this and said

“Lets go now”

Did I wrote you this before

That now I like every painting of yours

Probably it’s too late

Probably I should have looked at them before

I found a picture of ours from Christmas

You look beautiful with your red Santa cap

Even in the happy days we stood apart, with a gap

Where was I when you were here?

Where I was I when you were near?

Now I walk into empty rooms looking for you there

Sometimes I dream of you walking in from the front door

Telling me you have forgiven me,

Telling me I’m still yours

Things went down even before I could see

You walked away before I could see

Maybe I lost you for your good

Maybe everything happened the way it should

I don’t know if I will be sending this letter to you

I don’t know if you will read it before you tear in into two

But I know why I wanted to write to you

There was something to remind you

You left me broken and walked away with something of mine

You have what taught me to smile and shine

You are the love I loved, still do

You are the smiles I had

Come back to me, please do

Like always I miss you

Come back to me, please do

For always I will love you…!!