One day we shall meet.
I would like to believe its written in the sky among the stars.
Till then, I shall keep you in my heart as a beautiful lover I’m yet to cross paths with.
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I did. I did. I got inked.
For past few weeks, I have been working towards this day. Convincing the family, convincing myself. So, finally it was time. Since Monday I was nervous, freaking out and kind of (SUPER) scared about today. But, I woke up with this thought that if I can walk into a tattoo parlor all by myself and get it over with, I could practically do anything else.
So, I did it. I drove to the Tattoo parlor, sat there and got what I always wanted…musical notes inked on my wrist. That’s another check on the bucket list.
While, I spent last few days breathing heavy and hard shifting from left to right with the anxiety I feel numb right now. Yes, I’m happy. No doubt. I finally have a story now, not that I don’t cause God knows I have a story but now I have a crazy and fun story. Like, guess what I did before I turned 30 kind of story. So yes, I’m happy and thrilled to have followed my heart. But, I don’t know why I’m not jumping. I should be, shouldn’t I?
It’s just that it didn’t feel any different. Not that getting a tattoo could ease the hurt but I thought it would feel different.
Though, I do feel proud of me. It feels like taking control of my life even if it’s for one day. Dude, a tattoo is no joke but I did it even when I had no one to sit there with me with a camera aimed at my am-cool-am-cool-oh-god-am-going-to-die face.
I’m so effin proud of facing my fears and fighting for what I wanted for so long. Truth is, I might not feel different about things in my head but I do feel brave. Cause I just got a Tat… and rumors are true.
Remember that day you sat there on your bed inking a tattoo on your wrist with a pen, because no way on earth could you ever get one for real.
So, don’t give up on dawn. Not yet.
For long I had this wish to put a tick mark against one of my bucket list wish – to watch a movie alone. At first it started as a thought of doing something fun and crazy cause who really goes for movies alone? But I never had the courage because I thought watching a movie alone is the saddest thing in the world and no matter how sad my life goes I will never do this.
Life heard me, laughed and said CHALLENGE ACCEPTED…
So, when life hits you that Ace you just have to stand there and wonder what happened to your backhand. Anyhow, I did reached that point where one fine day I just booked a ticket and went alone. I was nervous, little excited and kind of scared because I had no idea how to just go there, sit and watch a movie with no one to look at, when there is something funny or sad or scary on the big screen. But, it wasn’t bad in fact it was liberating. I know a tiny part of me from the old-me is kind of dying right now in some corner of my head reading these words, but honestly it was the best thing that I ever did for me.
This Saturday when I sat there in an almost empty theater watching Age of Adaline on the big screen, I realized what a magical world we have in the movies. They make you forget everything that pushes you to that dark corner of the road and make you want to live forever singing it’s-a-beautiful-world. The stories and characters and emotions on that big screen in a dark hall are so majestic and beautiful that for those 2 some hours world feels good, nice, kind and even a gift.
There is something about watching a movie on a big screen and for a long time I felt sad for missing on movies because I had no social life, the people I was dependent on had other people, my issues were often making friends unfriend me leaving me all by myself.
I don’t know how sad it sounds but doings things for yourself isn’t sad its fun and liberating. You don’t have too lie to yourself or ignore yourself and give reasons for not being in mood for an outing, because you know you wont leave you for crazy mood swings, socializing issues and crazy self created walls/rules around your life. People would do that to you, you wouldn’t do that to you.
Me: Fish! sorry…All I wanted to say was watch Age of Adaline. Great movie.
Voices: Was that so hard?
Me: I thought a little history would be good.
Voices: A little? You would have written a book on your sorry life.
Me: I couldn’t have, for a book I would have needed a fictional name, few character introductions and.. Oh! was that sarcasm?
Voices (Rolling eyes)
So, in short I started today’s post with an aim of giving a review of Age of Adaline and how magical I felt while I sat there watching this movie, wondering what a beautiful world a movie creates for us. But, I ended up blabbering. So here I go – I watched Age of Adaline and Blake Lively was flawless, I never much liked her as Serena in Gossip Girl because her character was not the kind I would want to be friends with but I would definitely want to be friends with Adaline.
I know I’m supposed to be asleep by now, as per my resolution list. I did nothing from my list of things I want to do with New Year on the horizon, except evening jog in freakin cold weather.
I had four days off from Gotham and I can’t believe vacation is over. I don’t know if 2014 is going to be a great year, because I can never say that about any year. I can only hope it’s the year when I get Dawn. You know I felt the same about 2013 or 2012 but alas I am still waiting.
I don’t have speeches about how 2013 did things for me and how I expect amazing things from 2014, because at the end it’s me. I’m happy now, blue next moment. But yes, 2013 was a year with so much happening. It took Snowy from me something I would never forget no matter what year comes and goes. I lost a friend and 2013 would never leave my memory.
2013 was also the year, when I sent my story to publishing houses. That’s like crossing a check point in my bucket list. Yeah! I know I ain’t a published writer and might never be. But I took a step. Huge step. It’s like a big thing for me, to write and complete a novel and send it to a publication house. Big thing. Makes me feel proud of me. Only thing I have to cherish when it comes to my achievements because most of the time I’m drowning in self pity.
I don’t know if 2014 is going to good or bad…I do know I have another turn on my route to Dawn. I can only hope and have faith this turn would bring me closer to happiness, love, truth, freedom and myself.
I wanted to be so many thing when I was growing up, even a house wife at one point, but today right now all I want to be is Happy. And I would like to believe 2014 is the year I would get that…happiness.
I’m scared of 2014 like i was scared of 2013 or the year before, but lets just keep that between you and me and let 2014 think i am Awesome…!!!! 🙂
Happy New Year to all of you 🙂 😀
Wish number 2. To go to Starbucks and live my Kathleen Kelly moment – CHECK CHECK CHECK 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂