Spending a whole afternoon on a sofa…sleeping and reading a book… Why can’t every day be like this?
Friday made me do it…seriously, its all Friday’s fault that im shopping books. Why? Well i buy books when im beyond help and Friday took so long to come this week that i went all crazy inside my head.
Last night i was angry, so angry that i was in no fun mood whole day today and all i wanted was to get out of work. So i was suppose to shop books for a friend’s birthday but i ended up buying for myself. Dude! what’s wrong with me? Why cant i control when im in a book shop? I mean i take forever to finish a book, yet i take only 2 seconds to buy a new one. Huh! i must be pretty messed up inside i guess.
I cant say im happy right now but pretty calm unlike, yesterday.
Good news is i was hurting so bad that i promised myself a writing weekend and im pretty much going to keep it. I’m going to work on my story. Yay is good but lets not do the dance just now. Let’s just write one page first.
Before i go…40 Day dream is on replay for days…do i need therapy or another song?
It was just the kind of the day I needed, productive in terms of writing and super relaxing. It’s funny how my mind can make me do weird things. What is that? Well whole week I mentally worked on my new story, had even written one chapter and was dying to work more on it during weekend. And then on Friday I’m listening to a song by Agnes Obel, when I end up playing a whole new story inside my head.
I have a whole new story, new script and characters ready to come out on paper. So here I’m writing on the new untitled story instead of the one I was suppose to work on. But it’s okay because this one won’t let me think of anything else. It’s all crazy but good. I’m writing since morning and it is calming me down, making me all better and happy. The kind of week I had, I needed something good and writing this story is kind of fixing me.
Though I wish I would just go out for a while, I do but, I mean to the city. I need a haircut, I’m avoiding it. I have few errands in city, I’m avoiding them. I’m like a vampire who won’t leave the house because I don’t have my sunlight ring.
Anyhow, another good thing about the day is the fact that I have found my next publication house. Well fingers crossed, again. I will keep doing this again and again till I end up succeeding. And I will; I would like to believe for I have no options. Like Meg Ryan’s character Karen Emma Walden says “No Surrender”. I am not giving up, not yet. I don’t know if you have seen this movie people, but if not then make Courage Under Fire your next movie.
Its late, I should go now. O I can’t believe Saturday is over. You know what I want for my birthday next month? Of course, an acceptance letter. How cool would that be?
It a beautiful day, though its very cold outside and for some reason winter is enjoying playing hide and seek. Im happy because im sitting in my pajamas listening to ABBA and Brandi Carlile in shuffle mode, while working on Jane Doe. Yes, im writing since yesterday and doing nothing else. Right now, right here i feel good. Feels like im dreaming.
A lazy weekend where i get to write is nothing but heaven. I feel calm, peaceful and a sense of happiness. I have done major work on my story and if i could get just one more weekend like this, im sure i will get to the point where i can show it to my friends.
o how i love writing with music playing in the back. What would i have done if i wasn’t a writer? How would i have faced the blues then?
Enjoy the “fools rush in” version by Brandi Carlile. Its amazing. I think im getting obsessed with her music.
When i write i feel good about myself, irrespective of everything. Right now i feel peaceful, calm and little happy. Presenting an unedited chapter from Dominique that i just worked on….
I could feel tears rolling down as i sat there looking at Anne, who and Mike were probably the only people who wanted me out of this place. And Abbey, who just gave up all her peace of mind to help me because somewhere deep down she feels she owes me but she didn’t.
“Promise me” i wiped the tears and took Anne’s hand in my hand. She couldnt look at me, as she tried her best to not fall into pieces. She was what my mother could never be and i loved Mike for marrying the perfect woman.
“Mike and you are the only family i have. If tomorrow they make me stay here i want you take care of Mike and yourself for me. Without you he would be lost. I want you to take care of you for me, please.” she knew and so did i that there was noway i was going to get away with what i did. i wasn’t just charged for mass murder, i was charged for possible kidnapping.
“Dont say that” She wiped her tears and looked straight at me with tired red yes. It was evident she hasn’t had been sleeping well which wasn’t good. “Hey, you will get out of here. Abbey said she wont let you go down. i trust her, i trust you. I need you to be okay Dom, Mike wont survive this one. i never saw him this broken, not even when…” she paused and looked away. Not even when they lost their baby. Where was i when they needed me? why wasn’t i around? My search for Kristine took away so much from me, just because i wanted her to be alive i believed she was and maybe she was, only i couldn’t find her.
“I am not giving up hope, not yet” Anne got up as the guards motioned visitors to leave.
“Tell Mike i love him” i smiled at her. My sweet Anne, just wont give up no matter how hard life has had been to her. She forgot and locked away all her pain of losing a baby, to get Mike out of the loss he felt.
I walked back to my cell clutching the picture Anne had brought along with her to give me, maybe she thought it would give me hope. i climbed on my bed and stared at the picture till it hurt. It was taken in hospital, when i broke my leg falling off the bridge, Mike, Anne, Tim and Kristine were all hugging me with balloons and flowers in my hand.
“Hey, nobody spoils this one” I could still hear Kristine bossing around. I hugged the picture and closed my eyes to save the day in my mind. i could still see it like it was yesterday. When and how life came to this, it was hard to tell. I had no regrets , i knew if i could i would go back and try to do the same. I had to find her, if she was alive.
All those nights spent believing that tomorrow was the day i was going to find her, i tried to think of ways to tell her about Tim. I tried to comfort myself dreaming of her getting angry at me for not saving Tim, for being the reason he went to that place at the first place. Thinking about her hating me was in some odd way comforting because i knew that would also mean Kristine being alive and safe. I did everything i could but i failed, i failed her, i failed Tim who must be looking down at me and wondering why i couldn’t find one person i loved more than anything.
Tim tell me what to do, tell me where to look for her. I did everything, i’m sorry I cried myself to sleep because i knew what morning was going to bring.