saynotostigma.

Indisposed and Undiagnosed

The stigma surrounding Mental Illness, and Chronic Illness of any kind, must stop.

Are society really this ignorant?

#saynotostigma

#saynotostigma

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Shh…dont tell my mom !!!

When i was a teenager, i used to write poems to tell people how much i love them, i wrote them for a long time then one day stopped. I even used to make  my own greetings cards for my friends but then i stopped. Gifts were my favorite part and now they too have become a rare thing. I have become a different person when it comes to showing my real feelings because I’m just so scared and sad and bitter all the time, but that doesn’t mean i don’t care or love.

I saw this  advertisement on Youtube today and i realized how much i love my mom but i never tell her. Maybe because we don’t have that thing in our family, we guys never say i love you much, we just get all worried for each other but don’t really say the words much. Plus, i kind of spend a lot of time wondering why i’m not like my family. Truth is i think my mom is a very brave person for she puts up with everyone in the house and still cares and loves us. She and i two very different people but i am so blessed to have her.

I have my reasons for being a cold and unattached person, when it comes to pretending. But truth is i am not heartless. Don’t tell her this but my only regret in life is that i cant ever be a daughter she deserves. Shh…!!!

Moms are closest thing to a real Super Heroes.

Leaving you guys with a cute video on moms.

 

 

 

Thankyou Little…!!!!

Maybe im just an emotionaly disturbed woman, but truth is I need signs to keep moving on. Today I made it to the semi finals of the Chess tournament and I cant stop feeling emotional and happy about it. I know its the not the finals, but it means so much to me.

Last time at this time I was sort of low and in a situation where I lost will to play. I lost my first match and I told myself it doesnt matter, I was wrong. I have spent a lot of nights telling myself im good for nothing, because all I do is give worries to people who care. But when I win a game it gives me a sign that am not a loser. A good game only helps me feel good about myself, stops me from telling myself I am a bad person.

I played well this year and I am happy I proved myself to me. Will give my best but today’s victory is kind of special to me. I had stopped playing the game and here im… back in semis.

I am going to play against my boss on Thursday…going to be tough, but I will worry about it later cause right now im busy thanking myself for holding on.

Goodnight world!!

Perfect song for the day would be Glee’s Loser like me.

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

what are you thinking?

Its 1 am and everyone is asleep at my place which gives me time to sit alone and cry because of course I would never let them see the pain. No one. My dog is old and ill and it’s killing me. My stomach hurts me but seeing him is worst.

My friend, who knows there are things inside me troubling me, asked me what I am thinking. I told her I’m thinking nothing but I know she knows I lied. I’m thinking I’m going to lose him; I’m thinking he is so tiny and weak and sick. So sometimes I would just go to him and tell him I love him. He is sleeping right now; he had a doctor visit today and will have another one tomorrow. I wonder what he is thinking. Is he thinking why can’t he walk and jump around like he used to? Is he thinking why are we taking him for injections and medicines? Is he thinking why everything hurts?

I have been having stomach issues since Sunday night and I can talk about it, I tell my friends, I tell my mom and I make big fuss out of it that “I’m ill and it hurts”. He can’t do that, he can’t tell us that he doesn’t feel good or that it hurts to stand up.

I’m so sad right now but I can’t let people know or they will ask why and I’m afraid to say what I’m thinking.