I cant, just cant decide who is my favorite. Im in love with Beckett, Castle is my funny guy and their love story kills me, whereas Linden and Holder are like ‘I got your back, buddy’ which makes me all teary. So i refuse to pick one, i wont.
Spoiler Alert – Finales for both Grey’s Anatomy and Castle have left me speechless.
I’m going to miss Christina Yang and the team Christina&Meredith. These two remind me of Monica & Rachel, only these are are kind of darkly, crazy and twisty but the friendship is so true, so beautiful and so strong that makes me believe in the word. The dark and twisted sisters were a big part of the show and now things are going to change with the departure of one of them. At least this time the writers didn’t kill the character but the farewell was way too emotional.
I couldn’t stop crying at-
Don’t be a hero. You’re my person. I need you alive. You make me brave.
Well guess what…i have the title for my story for NaNoWrimo even though I’m still not sure if i can work but hey i have a story, a name and a song. Can do lot with those three things.
Once a class mate from college said that she noticed something in my stories, she said that every story i have written has someone dying in it. True. I don’t know why i never noticed that before but maybe it’s because i write suspense and tragedy together. Most of my stories are drama with darkness in them. A friend of mine was, few days ago, discussing a show with me and said that she finds that little too dark and i realised isn’t that what i write.
Maybe i could have been a happy writer if life would have been different but then i realise if life was sunshine i wouldn’t have been a writer at all. I found writing when i realised im different from everyone.
Today im so tightly wrapped around my darkness, my truth and the pain that it is hard to imagine a life without it. I mean a Sunny Shiny Me? How weird would that be?
I wish i could remember my first story but i don’t. I do remember that i started writing in 9th grade, poems, stories and my daily diaries. Because i was an angry and lone teenager back then who always used to be fight at home and feel that her family doesn’t care. Not true. My anger is still alive but now i know why im angry and at whom. Im not angry at my parents or my brother or my friends, im angry at the world in general for it is biased and racist and judgmental and lives on rules carved on stones.
My most favourite poem, as written by me, is titled Castle and i think i still have it somewhere. Also What’s my Diagnosis? Is one of my favourite poems. I like Jane Doe but i think my favourite story would be Dominique or Crossroads, if and ever i got to finish them.
I have an idea; i am going to create a different page now with my poems. I don’t write much poems but i do have few that i am proud about.
Voices: Hey Writer Girl
Voices: We think you made your point
Me: And what would that be?
Voices: You love writing. And you are awesome. Seriously?
Voices: Are you going to make a song on it next? A love song for you by you…maybe?
Voices: Boring and Creepy and Weird…really very weird…
Me: What do you want?
Voices: Didn’t you just book online movie tickets for tomorrow evening?
Voices: Hmm, nothing just…
Voices: Its 2:15 am, you will sleep by 2:30, get up late, go late and that would mean…
Me: Feck…that would mean i won’t be able to leave on time for my movie.
Voices: Whoa! You do have a brain. You should use it more often.
Me: I should get a lobotomy
Me: You guys live in there
Voices: Whatever…2:18 am…Tick Tock Tick…
I’m highly disappointed with the finale of Dexter’s last season. Before i go on talking about what the hell happened let me answer a simple question “why i was avoiding blogging for past few days?”… Answer is simple – I don’t know.
Now that you know that i don’t know lets go back to Dexter. Its juts crazy how you have this very brilliant, out of ordinary and out of box concept of a serial killer who kills only bad guys, who is struggling to be normal around family and friends who adore him for he is nothing but a sweet geeky guy who loves bowling and boating. And then, you just screw it all in the end.
Past few days i have been busy doing nothing but watching back to back episodes of The Killing because im obsessed with it. Let’s be honest im scared now, what will be the finale of The Killing, Pretty Little Liars, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle and Vampire Diaries. Dexter broke my heart into a million pieces and in ways that i am scared about same happening by other shows. I thought it’s just me, then my brother said the same thing and then i checked internet and saw everyone is saying the same thing. Why Dexter why.
I totally hate the way they handled things with Debra Morgan. Bad way to kill her character, of course i didn’t wanted her to die but if they had to kill her …Dude! Throwing her in sea? What’s got into you Dexter? Dark Passenger or Dumb Passenger? I get the whole idea of not letting your sister suffer, but couldn’t you just take out the ventilator system and leave Deb there?
I mean What the F…I was totally disappointed with the ending of Prison Break but what Dexter did is super sad. Two most extraordinary shows ended in most sloppy ways. Totally crazy.
Some days I wake up so bitter that all I want is my headphones and my cup of coffee, with no one coming over to my cubicle to talk to me but it’s not how life goes.
I don’t think I can take part in NaNoWriMo this year, because I might have a busy month with the festival season and the fact that we might have few relatives coming over. Plus, I don’t have a story. I have but not like last year. Maybe if I can spend some time on the different concepts on my mind, but then I don’t know.
Today a funny thing happened; I was on a Skype call with a Polish translator with my Project Manger. He was the one on call and I was sitting next to him because it was a task I was overseeing. So while he was on the phone, I sat there next to him for whole 2 hours just thinking and looking around and day dreaming.
Me: If I could meet a celebrity
Myself: Meg Ryan of course
Me: That would be so awesome
Myself: So Frekin Awesome
Myself: Who else?
Me: Neil Patrick
Myself: Patrick Dempsey
Me: Stana Katic
Myself: Ian somerhalder
Me: Ian, anytime, Ian
Me: Winona Ryder maybe
Myself: That would be cool too
Me: So cool
Myself: Pretty Cool
Me: I know right?
Voices: Hey crazy head look around
Me & Myself: Seriously?
Me & Myself: Buzz Kill
Truth is I was so bored and sleepy that I was wondering how much fun it would be if I could just meet one of the many people I admire. I have a list of people I would like to meet, most of them are singers and few of them are movie stars and a handful of them come of TV shows. What’s wrong in making a list? Nothing. Plus this comes way too low in the list of crazy things done by me.
I’m just eagerly waiting for Grey’s Anatomy, Glee and Castle to come back now that Pretty Little Liars is on summer break.
I will go and try to finish my book; you guys enjoy a song from another awesome person I would love to meet.
So this is it. All my favourite shows are now on their seasonal break which means no Greys Anatomy, no Glee, no Revenge, no Castle and no Vampire Diaries for next few months. Am i sad? Maybe, a little. Am i okay? Very much..verry very much. Why? Because now i have got time to focus on reading and writing.
I have been spending so much time watching fictional characters im in love with that i have stopped reading and i dont remember when was the last time to i wrote my character. So this is my time to go back to my reading and writing. Though Dexter and PLL are coming back but i can manage one episode a week than whole week of Tv shows.
So how was Monday?
I dont know, i was lost after my headphones died and i had to go through the whole day without a song.
There is a girl next to me at work she was more worried than me, because she knows how glued im to my headphones…in fact it was her who made me notice last week how i went through a whole day without my headphones. That’s when i realised man it was a busy week.
Plus its 43-44 some degrees here and i think i should officially apologies to the weather God for saying i hate winters…for surely i can take winters.i love winters. i want winters. how i miss them. Bloody summer is killing my brain cells and its just the beginning.
I miss my laptop but not having access to all the episodes and movies means I can go back to reading. Good thing I m back to exercise routine.
I don’t feel good right now, part of it is because I am sleepy. This morning I woke up happy, drove to office with a happy song and suddenly I heard the voices in my head saying don’t be too happy Little. Truth is everytime when I’m in a jolly mood for no reason I get scared.
Anyhow, I feel like crap right now. It was a pretty decent day still I feel that way. I really want to hear Jodie Foster’s speech. I think she is a rockstar.
So, I think I’m going to be very sad when Castle is over. And PLL. Which reminds me how I’m waiting for Glee. Why do I wait for these shows? Why Beckett or McDreamy feel like real people to me?
You know what I need? Coffee. Though i just had a cup of chocolate icecream. I don’t want all that calories, I mean that’s why I’m workingout but I also want to be in a happy mood. There is no win-win.
So, I was sad almost in tears and I start watching Castle. Few back to back episodes made me so numb and tired, not only I’m sleepy and yawning I also don’t feel anymore sadness or any other kind of emotions. I’m blank. Though I do feel one thing, hunger. I am hungry and my mind for some reason is trying to think of nice stuff to eat.
I got to go now, its 2am and as usual I’m dreading a super sleepy day tomorrow at Gotham.
Sad thing chocolate icecream is failing me, as its effect vapors away so quickly.
We might never meet, but I will never stop looking for you.
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Even bundle of episodes of Castle and Gossip Girl, hours of music and a cup of chocolate icecream in freezing cold day couldn’t help me avoid the stream of tears that have been threatening since morning. It wasn’t a good day and of course I knew I was going to have trouble going through the day with my record of sleep, but not everything that happened was about my inability to sleep on time.
I was a misery all day because I could not focus or even think straight but I knew the cloud of blues were just the sleepy me, but the conversation I had with my mother was real. It wasn’t my sleepy mind’s hyper reaction to everything.
Truth is I feel bad for being so different form people in my life because I think it makes them worry and somewhat disappointed. Anyhow, I know I just need to lie down and when I will wake up I will be fresh and nothing will hurt. At least I hope.
Right now, all I want to do is just hug someone and cry till I sleep. I wish I wasn’t me but then that’s a lie too. I want to be me, I think I’m a nice person. well that would be a lie too, i think im awesome only not the kind people should have around them.
A part of me wants to work on Dominique but I can’t do that unless I finish Jane Doe, but I’m not doing that. I mean I know I just need one weekend at home and I know can wrap up Jane Doe but it’s just not happening. Every time I listen to a song that I have in my Dominique soundtrack, I end up begging myself to write a page or two. I won’t lie i love Dominique more than Jane Doe.
Even now as i struggle with the voices in my head begging me to sleep, while the heart asking me to watch one more episode of Castle i find myself thinking about the storyline of Dominique. If only i could complete it and make my friends read it but i cant.
I think i will sleep now, weird but im actually going to ignore a pop-up of freshly downloaded Castle episode.
Even though it’s like 1:30 am and I am all ready for a horribly sleepy day tomorrow, I’m happy and smiling. Ask me why, ask me why. I wrote 800+ words for Jane Doe. Yes, I worked on Jane Doe. I almost feel like dancing on my bed but my Snowy wont like it, as he is busy sleeping. So I do imaginary dance inside my head for now.
Last night I created a Twitter account which I have no idea why I did because I have no friends on Twitter. I have friends but I don’t socialize anymore to know if my friends are on Twitter. I guess it’s just a craze of using the Twitter app on my phone, like it was calling me so I made an account. I can do some really weird stuff and wonder why I did it. Doesn’t matter because I just created 800 words. Yes, I did.
So I’m so hooked to Castle that even though its super late and I have Gotham tomorrow I won’t go to bed without watching the S4 finale. S4 E22 was so awesome I was like whoa! It almost got me. It’s really getting cold day by day and I hate that because if it makes me lazy and not want to get out of bed.
I got to go now because my download says 11 minutes for the episode. Yay! I’m doomed for tomorrow but I’m high on writing right now so who cares.