Platonic relationship with Netflix

Just finished watching Episode One of Season One of The Politician and in spite of the darkness all over it, it made me feel better and smile, something I needed after the kind of day I have had today. So, what does it says about me? Dark comedies are kind of scandalizing to admit to being a fan of, isn’t it?

My phone’s battery died and I couldn’t go running without music, I couldn’t find time to waste on Instagram pretending to be cool and I definitely didn’t know who to call or how to call to share words, any words. In the end, Netflix came to the rescue.

You know, how we all move on in life thinking ‘we shall cross that bridge when it comes’ and today I saw the bridge waving at me from afar; I would be lying if I said I was surprised because behind every day’s pep talk lies the subtle subtitle ‘nothing is forever’, yet the mere view of what lies or might lie ahead brought an earthquake of 5.5 on Richter Scale leaving me disorientated and stumbling.

Falling in the arms of the comfy fictional show, I saw people broken, aching, dark, fractured, hopeless, forlorn and yet on top of their pretend-game and I found myself feeling okay and at ease. Pity, isn’t it? To find balm in the fabric of fiction because nothing or no one in the real-world has the power to offer the same.

Anyhow, here’s a fun fact I’ll be alright tomorrow giving myself the ‘You’re awesome, you’re beautiful and Billie Ellish would so want to be you.’ pep-talk.

Goodnight world and stay safe.

Little wants a Kathleen Kelly Moment…!!!!

I feel sad, a different kind of sadness, like everyone around is moving too fast and changing into a better version of them but I am stuck to the place I’m standing.

I have started writing a story and this time I’m being honest, being me and I’m trying to put myself in there as a character because I need to share or talk.

Why can’t the world we live in be like the movies? Why can’t we have the dramatic happy ending where everything becomes alright no matter how sad it was? Why can’t life be “You’ve Got Mail” where Kathleen Kelly loses it all only to find Joe Fox walking up to her in the end as NY152? Why can’t life be “French Kiss” where Kate closes her eyes in that plane only to open them to Luc even though she never told him she loved him? Why can’t life be “Addicted to Love” where Maggie pushes Sam away because she is scared of getting hurt, in love, and yet he walks back to her?

Okay! I know I have only given examples of Meg Ryan’s movies but my point is simple why can’t life be like movies. Maybe in another life. Maybe this is the life where I would be the girl from Sucker Punch.

P.S Leaving you with a Brandi Carlile song and even if she is not your kind of music person, you got to listen to this one for that instrumental part that comes close to the end (4:49). Beautiful.

New Page Coming Soon…

I’m a music person something that everyone knows, i mean everyone who knows me knows my love for my headphones. Since lately im also a crazy person and have no sunshine to offer, lets just give you guys a sneak peek into people i listen to. So im going to add a new page to my blog about people in my music folder.

Also since with my next post im going to touch a whole new milestone with Little Miss Obsessive’s Anatomy, i have decided to make few changes with the whole look and theme. Wait and watch…

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Till then enjoy Avril’s all new song…Man! i love her. Cant get this one out of my head…. #RockNRoll

Absentminded…!!!!

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It was a good day today i had fun, but something wasn’t right. Don’t know why but i was not inside my head, i was somewhere else. I m having the right kind of day, friends, coffee, scrabble but I was busy someplace else. Thoughts. I was thoughtful.

I don’t know why i was absent.

I think its just sometimes truth keeps nagging you even when you are having a good day. I think i was just wondering how much life has changed in past few years, specially in last two years. Do you ever think about reliving a day? I do.

 

Darkness is a stalker…!!!!

Sometimes having a good time can make you feel guilty or maybe its just me. You are not made for darkness i tell myself but it all sounds phoney to my ears.

I have been told that i have changed as a person. I have and i cant explain why.

For past few days i have been thinking about things in general. About days that i cant relive, people i miss and changes that have scarred inside of my heart. Last night i cried a lot because i couldn’t stop thinking about Snowy and that last moment of his. The moment when he stopped breathing and when my brother and i carried him to the car. Kills me. It wont go away. This is why i cant talk about him.

I am not sure where my life is going. The only good thing that happened out of my Panic Disorder phase is that my mother knows something is wrong with me.

Truth is i am worried that another season of changes is going to come and hit me hard and break few more bones of hope. Im worried i will be left battling more changes. Dont know why but i am scared.

Anyhow, you know what i need right now? A cup of coffee and a new Book. Its funny how despite having a good evening im so low and upset. I was out dancing with office people and it was a fun evening, but now that im alone and have remove all the pretenses off my face, i cant stop feeling sad and empty.

At last i have my weekend and i can work on my story. Two days of sulking and writing is what i need. Or maybe i should just take my car to the city and buy as many books as possible.

Everybody loves Raymond and im not him…!!!!

 

Sometimes people can look at you and yet not see you…!!!!

When I was a teenager, a little girl, I believed in love stories and I hated people who had anger in them and ironically (I wonder if that’s how the word is used) today I’m the last one to smile at love stories and anger is my middle name.

How does a person changes so much? I don’t know.

You know how we all have fears? I have so many of them and one of them is being forgotten. I don’t know why I’m so blue right now, wish I knew. Funny thing I don’t even know what exactly is making my eyes watery. Good thing I have ice-cream this time.

It’s been 3 months since Snowy went away and I still keep forgetting he isn’t around. Sometimes I when I’m busy doing something I tend to look around to see what he is doing and it hits me, right there right then.

Yesterday two of my very good friends, individually and separately, were discussing some issues with me. Both were super stressed out and upset and I was trying to be the good listener, the helping party. At one point I asked myself where I go. Whom should I call and tell things? Who will hear me and just nod because I don’t want any advice or words just ears.

Right now I am totally high on emotions and anger is one of them. Mostly I’m angry, because people can’t see me. They look at me but not really see me.

Some days I just want to lock myself in my room and do not nothing but read or write, not talk to anyone, just lay down looking at the ceiling, say nothing just keep humming my favourite song. Then there are days when I want to stand up walk out, smile, dance, talk, sing, work on my story, believe that I can be a writer, dream that there is a dawn and understand how at the end it’s all going to get in to places.

I should just sleep or read or whatever.

Goodnight world!

P.S this cover of Radioactive is way too awesome. Better than original.

I want World Peace and Friday Evening…!!!!

I’m super sleep deprived, super tired and weekend is all I look forward to, despite the fact that I might have to go to an exhibition I do not wish to go but it’s still better than going to Gotham and wondering what am I doing here.

There is this line in “Night at the museum -2” – key to happiness is doing what you love with people you love. Man I swear that was my life few years ago, I was at a place doing what I loved and with people I love and now I’m just at a place with everything changed. I don’t love what I do and I don’t have my people around me but I can’t move because I can’t. It’s like I’m shackled by fear to enter another world, more changes. Truth is I’m afraid of anything that has word NEW to it, new job, new people, new routine, new this new that. I have always been afraid of NEW, guess it has been with me all my life. New house, new school, new friends, new house, new school, new friends, new house, new school, new friends and it never stops.

I know it’s the lack of sleep talking, but right now I’m angry at something don’t know what. No I’m not angry at a person or life, I’m just angry and maybe I’m angry at myself for being so sensitive and fragile and all emotions all the time. I know many people would disagree because I rarely let them see I am sensitive usually its mean me.

Today I said something jokingly which I regretted very next second, because I have no right to judge someone. I can be a horrible person sometimes, anyhow am glad when I said this person wasn’t around.

So finally I managed to complete “Not without my daughter” and it was amazing. The book reminded me of one of my favourite book “A Thousand Splendid Suns”, only difference is not without my daughter is a true story. I couldn’t believe that this really happened.

The courage of one woman saved her daughter’s future. The book is about an American woman Betty and how she ends up being a hostage in Iran, because her husband won’t let her go back to life she once had. The book talks about good and bad people she meets in her desperate attempt to escape with her daughter. I plan to watch the movie now.

I have stopped all my workouts since last weekend and its time I get out of my stupidity because I need exercise for both body and my crazy mind.

I don’t know why I am not sleeping, all I know it’s going to kill me at work and that it’s going to add to my leaking emotions that’s usually a result of sleep deprivation. Maybe I should sleep, but I have to brush before I go and also need to clean the bed as I can’t see anything. My eyes are now closing which means time to go. I can’t stop listening to SKYFALL by Adele, it’s my current obsession and I’m on to it. I will kill it like every other song. It’s like every time I’m ready to surrender, life gives me a new song to kill.

All I want right now is a Friday evening.

I want World Peace and Friday Evening…!!!!

Because life has no rewind and play button…!!!!

Sometimes when the day isn’t good, life gives you a reason to smile before you go sleep it off. Yes it does happen sometimes; maybe that’s what is called “a sign”. Something to tell you, its okay you are being watched just hang on.

I don’t know how life works or how anything else works because I’m a pretty messed up person, yes I do end up being the best advisor to my friend or a fairly good team lead to my team, but there is nothing I can do to really fix things inside my head and heart. Truth is I’m just like anyone else, I love to be the funny one in the group, fall in love and have stupid love fights, be the friend you can count on and a daughter you could be proud of…only problem I’m not any of it.

This morning I woke up pretty late and with a serious blue mood that I wasn’t able to shake off while taking a shower, driving with loud music and smiling “Good morning” at my team. I knew just then that it was going to be a crappy day, so I tried not to talk to anyone much to save the world from my Hulk avatar. To worsen the situation we ended up having a long electricity issue because of some repair, which left us with no ACs. Heat gets the worst out of me because I can’t think when I’m sweating and irritated with humidity and perspiration. Anyhow, I did try to keep my calm and kept telling myself that it’s just few hours and that soon I will have my Friday night and everything will be okay.

Well before clock struck midnight life gave me a reason to smile and feel good about everything. It said okay you are screwed but hey you are awesome too.

You know I’m not sad right now, no I’m not I’m just thinking how life changes every second of every day leading us to a point where we realise we are no longer at the place we were hours and days ago. Truth is despite the showers of changes that wash us every year of every day of our lives, nothing really changes. We still enjoy being the kid with a bicycle, the teenager with wall full of posters, the high school person with a strict definition of love, the college geek with certain sets of friends with FORVER tagged on them, the office worker who likes to hang around the colleagues but wouldn’t mind getting a day off just no work and no boss.

We change and move but we are still the same person and would love to live those days again, only problem there is no fkn rewind and play button. Nope nothing to rewind and nothing to play again, just not how life works.

I am still the girl who had full plans of running away because she thought she was going to flunk her 10th grade board exams, I’m still the girl who fell head over heels in love but had to sing a sad goodbye song and walk away, I’m still the girl who found friends who changed her and friends who built her again but had to say goodbyes to each one of them, I’m still the girls who loves her office and the job but finds it hard to wake up and drive to it because it feels empty.

Why I’m saying all this? Because the nice thing that happened today made me realize how somethings remain the same, only changes cover them so heavily we can’t see them the way they were.