Blue Christmas…!!!!

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Merry Christmas…!!!!!

I hope there is a dawn for me and for everyone who needs it. It would be a waste of a good life that we have here if we give up on hope, even if we know its just a thread holding us for little more days or weeks or months or years. We are what we are, no one can change that and that’s what makes us special- our story. Don’t we all have one?

I have a story, a heartache, lots of issues and impossible & hopeless desire of a life I live inside my head. But I don’t ever want to give on hope, I want to believe that even though world is mean and hard and sometimes too racists or judgmental, but there are people who have nothing but love to give. I want to believe its okay to smile at others and at yourself for that’s how you make kindness survive among the seeds of hatred, sown up all around.

If you are someone who is hurting or wondering what is the purpose of anything or trying to hide those tears behind a still smile, I so so so dearly hope you would hold on to hope and smile and love yourself even if its hurting.

Maybe the world is dark and scary, but if you give up now or do not continue walking ahead how will you find kindness and people who would want to hear your story and fall in love with you despite every word you say.

Maybe happy endings are for movies but I hope you would still find a tiny little corner, inside your aching heart, for hope and a smile for yourself.

I hope you would learn to be kind to yourself…that makes a huge difference. Its okay to be your own person, your own super hero and your own Santa. If you can learn to love yourself and be kind to your hurting soul, you will find its not hard to hold on.

If hope is not your thing, if you are seeing the picture of life with all its
ugliness and sharp edges, just be gentle and kind to that person in your mirror.

Hanging on to the invisible threads of Hope…i wish you all

Merry Christmas

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Believing in magic is the only way it works…

Last night i saw one of my favorite movies again because i wanted to watch something magical, happy and innocent on Christmas Eve. So i chose “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium” as my movie. Even though i have seen it before, i still loved it till the end. It’s a fantasy comical drama and the little girl in me was very happy to see it. Also, i love Natalie Portman.

If you’ve not seen it i would definitely recommend this one for the kid inside you 🙂

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones 😀

I love Christmas. Everything about it. The tree, the cold weather, the holiday, the carols, the lights. There is something about Christmas and New Year festivities that makes me happy, so happy. I mean i woke up little edgy and lost but then i played a Christmas song on my phone, danced and shook the cloud over me and said to myself “It’s your day, smile and forget the pain. I know something is troubling you and you don’t know what but not now. Not today. Tomorrow you crib, tomorrow you be as bitter as possible. But not today”

So i shook it off me, drove to city with my friend had a good lunch and then we were joined by more friends later. We all had coffee, wore our Christmas spirit and cap, played scrabble, smiled, clicked pictures and came back happy.

I know i might just go into tears after turning off the lights, i might just spend next one hour sobbing alone in darkness, but right now I’m happy because it was Christmas today. Magic doesn’t work unless you believe in it, something i got from the move i saw, and Christmas is magical and i can’t stop believing in it. I believe its a day of smiles and happiness even for people like me and it doesn’t disappoint. The day brings a smile to me, even if I’m home all day.

It’s weird because i can’t explain my reason for loving Christmas so much. I’m not religious and  i don’t do any Jesus talk. I’m not even Christian. Maybe i just need excuses to break the walls of my darkness and Christmas is one such excuse or reason.

Anyhow, sending lots of good wishes to everyone…

Only sad thing, i missed my buddy Snowy a lot today. Yesterday we got these Christmas caps and my first thought was i will put one on Snowy and click a pic of him. Then, it hit me. Good thing it was a thought and i didn’t say it out loud. I don’t want people to know how much i miss him because i don’t think anyone would understand. I would hate to hear anyone say “He was just a dog”.

Anyhow, not going sad. Let’s just be happy today. Christmas time 🙂

Leaving you with a Soundtrack from the  movie..

 

 

Batman loves Christmas…!!!!

I hate winters but im loving December. Today I decorated one of my mum’s plant like a Christmas tree. I need more stuff to make it better and by tomorrow it will all ready.

I woke up super late to a very cold, cloudy and wintery day with no sign of sun. So I stayed home, made me coffee, played music, decorated my tiny tree, did nothing all day, stayed dirty and lazy, danced a little and danced some more…!!!

Dancing inside my head…!!!!

Everything is crazy right now inside my head, it’s all a big mess but the funniest thing is that despite of all the twistiness inside me I today mark 6 years in Gotham city. It’s a big day for me for many many many reasons. Not just because I complete 6 years in a company but because I had an unbelievable journey in past 6 years.

The day I gave my interview changed a lot for me, in fact changed everything for me. I love my self but don’t consider myself as a good person, or a responsible one, and when I see at this one and the only achievement of my life I feel emotional. Wasn’t I standing on the wrong side of the edge when I got this job? These past 6 years gave me friends, responsibility, a sense of self respect and saved me from my own darkness. Yes I’m all twisty again but the journey I had saved me.

One fine day I’m sitting in my dentist’s room with my mouth wide open and some kind of drilling equipment making scary noises, when I get a call about some job interview. I’m young, I’m lost and I’m blue in a bad way so I dismiss it but a friend of mine convinces me saying just an interview probably. I get up next day and ask myself what’s the harm in going; I have to find a job anyhow. And I walk in to an interview that changed everything.

My first salary was nothing but the feeling it gave me to my dark and twisty self, it was priceless. I have spent a large amount of my grown up life crying at night, feeling guilty and being ultra blue but when I got  my first cheque, bought a phone from my own salary, paid for my car and completed 6 years …every single moment was like God telling me ‘Hang on’…!!!

My parents are proud of me, I know they are disappointed and worried but they have a sense of pride because I’m independent. This is a big thing for me, because I have always lived in fear of being a failure both professionally and personally. So when I look at this thing that I have with this job I feel good about myself, like I’m not that lost.

Though I see myself becoming the person I was before I had this job and before I met my saviour, I feel so happy right now. I’m grateful and thankful, yes I may never sound like someone who respect what I have but I’m. Unfortunately I have lost my control over my emotions and the right-time-right-face ability.

In these 6 years I have also made friends I am so thankful for. Every time I thank God for this job, I also say thank-you for the people I met. Maybe that’s why it gets so difficult now at Gotham but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having it in my life.

Right now I’m high on emotions and I am missing a friend, someone who made my journey an adventure. You don’t meet people so amazing just like that; you need to have my kind of luck.

This day was my Dawn when I needed it back then, just like I need one again. Some days are so important that no amount of twistiness can take it from you, so you smile even when you had forgotten to because it’s like Christmas you just have to have that shine.