Yesterday I missed my blog, I could’ve written my diary but I didn’t. I just can’t anymore; I don’t want anymore memories stored in bundle of pages. Let me tell you a truth about me, I’m a person who doesn’t really like to talk about old incidents or get into memory talks. Not anymore. So when a friend is like remember that time, I prefer to nod and smile but not actually share what I remember and how I feel about that incident. Why? Simple, memories are reminder of absence of things and people.
I’m not a strong person, yes I do call myself a super hero but I’m not, but a gal has to keep up her appearances. Funny, it was a pretty ok day yet I can’t help but feel a sense of gloom over me. I think I’m tired, it’s the whole work and also I haven’t played for past 3 days now. I need to play, keeps me happy.
So while I hate it when people tell me to grow up, because it makes me guilty and yes I’m supposed to be a grown by now, a funny thing happened day before yesterday. I’m like working and this girl comes to me
Girl: Hi, I have a serious headache
Me: what happened?
Girl: Hangover, was partying all night in Score (it’s a major discotheque in this city)
Me: Oh, you want some coffee?
Girl: No, I’m fine
Me: (looking here and there wondering what now)
Girl (continuing despite the fact that I rarely talk much) you know had so much to drink last night. Even my sister got drunk
Girl: She was so drunk I had to control her and stop her from going crazy
Girl: We were totally drunk
Girl: My sister didn’t go to college today
Girl: It’s her first day you know
Girl: She was so drunk she refused to recognize our guy friend, the one who came with us
Girl: I’m such a mess right now
Girl: Blah blah blah blah blah
I was trying to smile, nod and give the right expressions at right time, while wishing and praying someone would come and interrupt us with heavy load of merciless work because I can take the work. In next two minutes she got up and went over to someone else’s desk and I was left wondering why I was not like that.
I mean she is my age, she out partying and getting drunk and going all crazy, why was I not enjoying her tale of “my sister and I got drunk”? Truth is I think this is where I actually feel grown up, little too much. I found it not cool, that she let her sister get drunk and miss the first day of college, she was out late night partying in a city where she just has friends and no family. Maybe now I’m old, maybe now I’m literally acting like parents. Or maybe (to make me feel little better) I was just annoyed by her getting too friendly and the party isn’t the reason. Maybe I’m not grown up; maybe I was just not in mood to hear about the “I partied all night” from someone i’m not friends with. Maybe, its not the talk its the fact that i didn’t wanted to be her person.
So many excuses, I can go on. But to be honest when she left I just wanted to say “really you let your sister miss her first day? What’s wrong with kids today?” See this is how my mum should react, not me. Dammit! My issue have turned me into a crazy woman. 😛 😦
Little people say grow up not grow old ….!!!