The curious case of a Blue Hulk…!!!!

So, I have been kind of going through a weird phase. I don’t know what to call it. I’m angry, sad and super angry. Hey I think I’m suffering from the case of a “Blue Hulk”.

Anyhow, I am trying to bury myself in a new TV show i found online.

But there is good thing too, I have four days off. Festivals are fun because they come with holidays. So, to fix myself and my dead brain I have given myself an exercise. A story. I’m working on a story, untitled story that I have to finish in these 4days. I might not be able to do it cause though I’m working on it hard, its kind of getting lengthy.

So, here im drowning in self pity, bitterness and anger towards universe while, befriending fictional characters.

I sound lame but I guess its okay.

Today, I was sitting in a cafe working on my untitled project/challenge and I overhead a group of people talking. They were sitting close by plus there was no crowd to make the place noisy.

They were talking books and movies, mostly books. So this woman is telling one of the guys in the group about Stieg Larsson and his books. She is like you have to read, while she told him how Larsson came up with Lisbeth Salander and the story. They discussed few more books and I wanted to go join them, suggest them few books from my side but I put on my headphones and went back to my writing.

I don’t even know why I’m sharing all this. I don’t even know why am blogging when I don’t even have anything to talk about. Guess,crazy creepy are the symptoms of being a Blue Hulk.

Goodnight world!

P.S I think Kenzi from Lost Girl is super funny.

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Everyone’s got a story…!!!!

Have you ever wondered about people around you? The ones you see in a mall or a coffee shop with their friends or partners, when they think no one is noticing them, do you ever wonder what their story is? Today while I was sitting alone in Dunkin’s having coffee and working on my story, I looked at few faces around and even when I was walking to my car I couldn’t help but observe people. A part of me was wondering if these faces too have something hidden, a secret, pain or a desire or a broken heart maybe.

It’s hard to imagine other people having hard time, when you are busy fighting unspeakable pain but truth is everyone has got a story to tell. When I was driving to the mall, while singing out loud in my car, I saw a cop standing on the sidewalk. He was probably one of those low paid guys whose job is to observe or keep an eye on people. It was a beautiful evening, good weather and here he was standing all alone. I couldn’t help but wonder what’s his days are like. Does he hate his job like I do? I mean no one likes cops. Usually, cops are always the bad guys because that’s how the world sees them. But was that young man dressed in his uniform a bad guy too? Did he too live on bribe and bullying kind of lifestyle? Or was he just a man who became a cop thinking he would make a difference or because his family thought it’s a good profession?

We all have a story but most of us are way too busy being the hero of our own movie. I’m. I personally spend all my time feeling bad for me, like how the universe is doing injustice to me and how happy endings are like Loch Monster. You never get to see them, but you can and you always talk about them. All the time.

So what made me stop and observe and wonder about other people? Because that’s what you do when you are out on your own. Today I realised that when you walk into a crowd with friends you don’t look around, you are way too busy living the moment. But when you walk into the same crowd all alone, you look around, you listen to the whispers and funny conversations, unwillingly of course, and you observe and wonder.

Lately, I have started spending my weekend evenings or afternoons at coffee shops all alone with my little book and a pen. I get lost in my story with a cup of coffee. It feels weird, funny and sad sometimes to drive to the city alone but that’s what happens when you try to spend your life practising the art of ‘how to shut out the world’.

The story that I’m working on is called “Yours Grace” and chances are no one will ever get to read it but it matters to me.

We just had the same yearly chess tournament thing at Gotham. No I didn’t win the tournament, but I made it to the semi final and best part was a crazy 4 hours long chess match between my CEO and me. I nailed it. But then I lost to some guy. I used to be a chess champ and two back to back winnings made me a hero but now I can’t play like I used to. I would like to believe I’m Roger Federer of Chess, good but not good enough to steal the show.

After a long time i have written so much on my blog, because for some reason, today I feel like talking to someone like nonstop anything. The football final would start at 12:30 am as per Indian time but I don’t think I would be able to stay up. I’m exhausted. I want to see Messi win, but I’m way too exhausted.

Goodnight world!

 

Love happens to me too…True Story!!!!

Have you ever had a moment where you saw someone and fell in a silly crush kind of love? Even though that person is just a stranger who would just walk by and you would never see him/her again?

Happens to me someone times. Sometimes I see someone and get this crazy crush where I can’t stop looking at that person and to make sure I don’t come out as a creepy stalker I have to act like I didn’t notice the person, whereas the truth is I can’t stop looking at that person. I remember a family wedding where I had this silly first look crush on my cousin’s friend.

Yesterday I saw someone in a coffee house and I fell in love with that person, the eyes, the hair…While I had my eyes on that person, all I could hear were voices in my head shaking their head and murmuring among themselves about what a lunatic I’m.

Me: Whoa!

Voices in my head: What? Did you find a word? Is it a Double Word score?

Me: I think I’m in love. Look.

Voices in my head: Huh! Seriously? Be cool

Me: I am just saying

Voices in my head: Love? You don’t even know that person. Plus have you seen yourself in mirror?

Me: Yes I’m sure I look better than the creepy voices inside my head

Voices in my head: Below the belt

Me: Sue me

Voices in my head: Need we remind you…you can’t fall in love

Me: Okay but I can admire a good-looking person with great hair, pretty eyes and …

Me: Wait where did…?

Voices in my head: Left. So what were you saying?

Me: Love something…I don’t know. I …

Voices in my head: What smarty pants?

Me: I think I just lost my scrabble game

Voices in my head: You know why?

Me: I was busy falling in love?

Voices in my head: Nooo…there is no LOOVVEE…

Voices in my head: You lost because you don’t know how to use Q with 10 points

Voices in my head: Man! You need a dictionary

Voices in my head: Tonight we will study words with Q, Z, Y…

Me: I bet that person noticed I was looking. I’m not even dressed well. I should have worn something better.

Voices in my head: beating-head-against-the-wall

 

 

 

This one is for you…!!!!

Every song I ever wrote, every dream I ever dreamt of, every smile I ever painted, every tear I ever dropped, everything I, did or do, is and will be for you.

Maybe someday we will meet and then I will give them all to you, to show you how much I waited for you even when I didn’t knew you. Someday when we will sit across and talk about life, I will sing the words I wrote and never shared, the dreams I built but never spoke about. Yes I will meet you, yes we will smile and we will fall in love, only I don’t know when and where. I can’t say which coffee shop will be ours, which spot will be ours, which corner will be ours. We will fight and sing sorry only I don’t know who will say it first, who will bring flowers and who will kiss and let it go.

Sometimes I walk along the road and look at places and picture you and me there, talking with hands in hands. I try to look at pictures on wall and imagine you and I inside them, deeply in love and happy. Every day and every night I wait but it never gets tiring because I know you will come, I know we will be. So I do my best to try and dream of us because I know you would want to know if I ever thought we would meet. I write down words I know would make you believe that I knew you would come. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m head over heels over nothing, maybe I just believe too much. But how can I not think of you, how can I not fall in love with you. You were there once there, right in front of me, staring at me for as long as possible before you walked away and out of my life, before you melted me and broke me into a million pieces.

Didn’t you teach me to sing, to write those love songs, to dream, to smile when nothing is said, to cry, to feel happy, to act hopelessly and to just be me? Love wasn’t it you who came and destroyed me? Here I stand again waiting for you, believing in you and knowing you would come again.

This one is for you love, because I know we will meet again and I will sing to you again. I know I will find you and me walking on the road with spring leaves again, I know I will find another place I will sit all day long to think of you when you will go again, I know I will rise and fall again, I know you haven’t gone forever. I know I will find you soon.

I still have you inside deep down, the day you left and made me someone I never thought I could be. So this one is for you, i will wait for you…!!!!

I love you..!!

I’m in love with you

I wish I could sing it to you

Or scream out loud for you

But you won’t hear me

You don’t even know me

We meet every day at your favorite coffee shop

We have same coffee sitting across each other

I know you love to read

I know you like Beatles

Sometimes you look at me

Without even knowing, you smile at me

I have often seen you crying on phone

Wish I could tell you how much it hurts

To see tears in those eyes, so big & brown

I know your name

But I don’t know if you’ll ever know mine

Sometimes I think of going to you

Talking to you

Telling you what your beautiful eyes & smile do to me

Telling you, with you there in front of me

There is nothing else I can see

But I know I can’t

You are someone else to be

So I do what I can

I have coffee with you

We don’t even talk

But sometimes with you & I take a walk

Everyday I wait for you

Every day I say good morning to you

Do you know that you & I have a song?

We both love it when the jukebox plays it on

We both love to take the sky in fall

You never told me

But I hear you talking to me

As we share our coffee sitting across the shop

Maybe one day you will see me

Maybe one day I will walk up to you

Maybe one day I will say “I love you”

Till then I will wait for you every morning

At the same coffee shop

Till then I will have my coffees with you

Keep on loving you

Every day you walk in to my life smiling

Every day you make my world bright & shining

If only you knew me

If only you knew what you do to me

How your laugh makes world a better place

I wish I could tell that your frown

Turns every color grey & brown

I believe I could tell you

That you make colors look beautiful

That every love song was written for you

Everyday I live for 30 minutes

Every day you make me better than I was before

There is nothing I wouldn’t give to talk to you

Or let you know that “I’m yours”

I feel you in my heart

I feel you when you aren’t around

I don’t know if I will ever get to sing my love to you

I don’t know if you ever walk up to me and not just pass by

But I do know this

Ever day i write a poetry to you

and i don’t know why but

I love you…!!