I did…I found a lover and its WordPress. No I’m not trying to advertise the whole features and social benefits of blogging and definitely not talking about the pleasure of being Freshly Pressed (how can I?). Blogging has become what writing diary was to me… just couldn’t do without.
It feels like a secret lover for whom for I left my diaries, my late night movies and even cut down my visit to my bedtime reading. I feel like I’m cheating on things that once meant a lot to me, but there is nothing I can do about it now. Nothing. I’m pretty sure the day I will leave blogging would be the day I will quit from my imaginary world of hope, love and happiness. It would be the day I would enter the world everyone else lives in.
Last night I couldn’t update my post because I didn’t have access to internet, so I kept on thinking about it.
Me: what if someone liked my post?
Myself: Ha-ha Sure…
Me: No seriously…what if someone left a comment? I mean I have to approve them right?
Myself: So do it tomorrow?
Me: So late? That’s so rude.
Me: When will I read posts from people I follow? By now they must have updated another one.
Myself: You need medication
And so this continued all day.
Fact that blogging also makes me guilty describes how it’s like new found love; I’m just trying to hide. Yesterday with no internet I managed to finish my current book, which was horrible because I guessed half of it and the ending was weird. Anyhow, when I finished the book I realized that for past 3-4 weeks I have been ignoring these few pages. Why? I guess i know.
One of the blogger (Pia Valentin Poetry) I religiously follow wrote this amazing piece titled Different Degrees. It’s so true…there are different degrees of loneliness. My degree of loneliness differs from people i know. The kind of level I’m at, it’s difficult to survive without anything creative. Everyday I ask this question to myself : Where has the creativity gone? Not that I was some super poet, big author or classy artist with right words for every occasion, but when I walked into the world of independence I never expected myself to do what I do now. Suddenly my life, my work has become a mix tape on repeat. While it was fun at the beginning, so fun that being on repeat was the best part of it…now it just hurts.
Even if I put aside all my fears, issues and stories, I still can’t make myself get up and look at the day with a smile. I wasn’t this, even when I had my issues I wasn’t like this. Even when the secret burnt hole in me I wasn’t like this. I loved my job, I loved my office, and I loved Mondays.
Now, as I fight 1,2,3,4,5,6…….100 of battles in one ground, I feel like I’m playing multiple roles in one movie. I’m fighting the bad guys in star wars, while I’m taking care of Lex Luthor, along with the Doc Ock and Sabertooth.
Blogging is my rest pad, after a long day of battling so much…Wordpress is where I fall down. It’s like the break corner in the boxing match or the pit stop in a car race, when the player is tried to rejuvenate and refreshed.
I don’t write anything great that can be liked enough to be freshly pressed yet what I write is creativity to me…when compared to the monotonous routine of my job. Blog is like a lover with gothic look, tattoos and red hair, while the voices try to warn me to stay away with judging eyes. Asking me to make other friends too (reading, TV, movies, story writing). I know it won’t hurt me, it just makes me happy and I want it.
In my level of loneliness… i found a lover i cant let go of !!
So everyday I say…Dear Blog, let’s talk…