I have been suffering from some weird kind of pain in my right side and now it’s almost in every corner of my stomach. So now when i breathe i wince in pain. Problem is i kind of don’t want to fall sick, not now. Not the right time dude. Any other time would have been okay but not now.
My second problem is “Summer” and if you are an Indian or have been to this side of the world, you would know why that’s a problem. Bloody too damn hot and you what’s the crazy part of the story, my car’s A.C has just died. Awesome. The car company says they have ordered some part that isn’t working and so i have to wait.
So i might be dying. It won’t rain. My car’s AC is dead. The book i pre-ordered is yet to come. This year i have missed on every single Super Hero movie. A good friend of mine and i are now acting like strangers. My stories are still standing where they were, half and incomplete.
I think i can write an essay on things going wrong but i rather not. Cause good thing is my father is recovering and im so relieved. Im not really that close to him like most of the daughters are but seeing him unwell was not cool.
Im going through a weird phase, my mind is full of scattered thoughts and the emotions inside me are fix of everything from fear, happiness, sadness, anger to confusion.
I need sleep. That and a haircut, but sleep is like way too important.
You know i dont know about grown ups but kids they love me. All of them, at least the ones i know. Well, isn’t that awesome.
Just one more day at Gotham. You can do it. Just one more and you will have a weekend. Please hang on, don’t give up and remember even when looking like sh* you look awesome. One more day, keep that face up, nod, pretend, stare at the screen and keep the coffee intake up, you will make it. I promise.
Sometimes things don’t make any sense to me. Why should everyone agree with each other? Why should i call something red or black or blue if that’s how everyone else calls it? Why can’t i call it purple or pink? Right and wrong are words that can be different for everyone.
World is full of definitions that are carved on stone, you try to amend you are the black sheep. Whoever said being yourself and being proud of yourself matters was only trying to give you an aspirin for the headache; no one tells you how to fix it for the long term.
We live in a world of prejudice and sometimes it bothers me for my sake for those who can’t stand up. It bothers me how some people use religion and the so called Rights and Wrongs of stone age era to craft a world of injustice and unfairness.
I am no fighter but it doesn’t mean i can’t express my opinion about how pride and prejudice is not mere a title for a book. How some people are still not good enough for those who are incapable of seeing the world through others eyes.
I might call it a pen because you said so, but i wouldn’t believe i can’t it anything else when you aren’t around. For there is a world of my own with its own rights and wrongs.
Truth is, some people can’t see a rainbow as a rainbow they see it as part red, part blue, part green and so on. A rainbow is where all colors come together to become something extraordinary, its not part this part that its one beautiful and magical thing.
Don’t ask me why I’m writing all this. I just needed to vent out.
Would I be lying if I said that I wasnt missing Gotham and my room? I guess the answer is a simple word Yes.
Yesterday when I boarded that bus back to my city I was sad because I wanted to stay little more. I was having fun, I was away from my world of worries. But it would be wrong to say I was sunshine. I missed my world of aloofness but then I knew eventually I would be back to being a superhero soon. I wanted to stay, I wanted to come back.
Today was a weird day. Dont know why.
I guess from tomorrow I will feel at home and everything will feel normal.
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Last night i had a karaoke night in my room, as i danced and sang to loud music from the speakers in my room. I used my television remote as my fake microphone while jumping up and down on my bed late at night.
My mom was worried i was going to break something in my room, my father was worried about neighbours complaining about loud music at that time of the night. But it was so much fun and rejuvenating.
I don’t know what triggered it but i had the best karaoke night because i danced like no one was watching, because no one was watching. I do this dance on my bed session alot but usually on a weekday.
What can i say, between Denial and Acceptance there is a long journey of mixed emotions and crazy moments.
I have been having a very busy time at Gotham and even though its killing me, im happy about it. You cant afford to think and go wailing because your mind is busy working. Nice deal. Even though bottling up emotions is a recipe for disaster it always works well for few good drama free days.
I should do more of this my-kind karaoke nights, at least i will get some kind of exercise while im trying to break my bed. No tv episodes isn’t that bad but im afraid with no internet, i might not be able to complete this year’s NaNoWriMo or worst take part in it. Lets see, even if i don’t i will start writing as soon as im back.
Got to go, busy day tomorrow plus i feel exhausted.
Sometimes i wish i was more expressive and less walled up. Sharing and expressing is a good thing and i wish i could do that. If only i wasn’t the mean angry Hulk anymore, who enjoys long drive, buying coffee, shopping for books and dancing to music…all alone. If only i wasn’t the “my own favorite person” kind of person.
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World is a basket of good Apples and bad Apples, but problem is I’m a Grape…