Grief isn’t hard its the guilt and anger…!!!!

I knew i was going to watch a Cory Monteith tribute special Glee episode and it was going to be sad but i had no idea it was actually going to make me cry. Not that i dont cry, on the contrary i cry alot just hate to show. But i mean there was this scene where Lea Michele’s character sang a song for him and next thing i know i had tears falling all over my laptop.

The grief episode just made me think of what i lost. Snowy. Maybe he was just a dog for many but for me he was family and you don’t stopĀ  missing family. Do you? I try less to think of him in a sad and serious ways cause then i start thinking of his last day, that picture in front of me breaks every piece of me. A part of me dies every time i realize he is not here and never coming back. When he died, for days and weeks i had dreams where he was back and i was hugging him. Of course i still dream of him sometimes, but less.

What makes me sad is that i never got to talk about him like you do when you loss someone. A part of me wants people to know how much it kills me but then i realize its my loss and i dont think anyone will ever understand.

Crazy thing about grief is that it makes you feel guilty that one day you will forget to grieve or worst you will stop grieving at all.

That’s what i’m scared about…I hope i never stop because i dont want him to think he wasn’t loved.

Got to go now. Have one more episode left before i cry myself to sleep. Did i tell you tomorrow we have office cricket match and im the captain of my team? Why cant i have one weekend where all i have to do is not leave my room? I mean a boring lay-low sleepy dull weekend is all i need…seriously, how hard is that?

Goodnight world…!!!!

P.S I recommend Gravity…Nice movie…Sandra Bullock rocks.

Glee wont be same…!!!!

 

This morning i woke up and heard the sad news of Cory Monteith. Cory’s death makes me sad…i don’t know him but knowing he died is sad. He was young, talented and gifted but its all has come to an end…its sad. I played some of his songs on Youtube because a part of me needed to see him. Glee is more than a show for me, because i relate to some of its characters. I see myself in Glee, somewhere in that class sitting among those kids. When Finn sang to Santana, i felt like he was singing to me.