I would like to believe one day, accidentally, Meg Ryan will find this post…So…Maggie, I Love You…

It’s been a rough few days and there is so much to say and yet no words. Often when I go down like an aircraft crash landing on heap of sand, I try to picture Meg Ryan’s character from courage under fire talking to me. Her words come loud and clear to me saying… No Surrender… So I don’t… I try to fight… 

Here is to the girl inside me who is trying to be brave and stand tall, even when she know there is no effin Eject Button in her plane…

Happy Birthday Meg Ryan…Thank you for you!!!!!

image

Posted from WordPress for Android

What do you call a superhero fighting bad guys with a white cape? Moron-Man!!!

A part of me has accepted that there is no light at the end of the tunnel which is why I act the way I do. Few days ago, we had one of our annual Chess tournaments at Gotham and I struggled at my first match finally losing badly in the second one. I kept telling myself its because I haven’t played for a long time.

Truth is I don’t believe in myself anymore. Honestly, I’m good I’m so good that I would make the opponent I lost to walk away within 5-10 minutes, top. But the thing is I kept telling myself, I won’t be able to make it, its okay I haven’t played for months now, I’m rusty, I didn’t get chance to practise etc etc etc. I gave myself all BS I could give to not feel bad about losing even before the game started.

So, instead of being ‘Bring it on’ I was like ‘Just don’t lose badly’.

Why it matters? It does. I kind of take Chess very seriously, specially this tournament. It breaks my heart even when I lose in semis or finals which are usually my spots, but losing in the staring of it against a guy who says ‘I have been looking forward to play against you’ because he thinks I’m a legend…Dude, I know how many times I died inside me that night.

I promised myself I would proofread my story, send it to a publisher, but I didn’t. I played the worst chess match of my life and I was totally prepared for it.

Why? Because I don’t believe in me anymore.

The story needs proof reading; I’m kind of all busy and exhausted lately.

I am rusty; don’t even remember when was the last time I played Chess.

EXCUSES excuses EXCUSES…

It’s like world is closing on me and I can’t even find energy to get up and get out of the mess. Truth is I’m not sad right now, don’t even know why the post. Guess, I just needed to talk about it to make myself accept it.

I don’t believe in me anymore.

Dear Voices,

Seriously, be mean, be rude, be insulting, be anything. Don’t go silent on me please.

If I was Katniss Everdeen, trust me with this attitude I would have been the first to drop dead. You don’t fight with a white flag tucked in your pocket and somebody needs to remind me that. Tris Prior didn’t  survive part 1 by saying ‘Oh! I’m a Divergent and I don’t I know what to do. It’s okay If the Erudite finds me and kills me.’

You do know what Captain Karen Emma Walden said in Courage Under Fire…NO SURRENDER.

Even Peter Parker stopped being Spiderman when he stopped believing in himself. Remember the big fall from the web rope thing with that ring? The thud was bad. I kind felt the that thud in that Chess match.

Little

I want to dedicate this song to the faithlessness crawling all over my mind and body…

 

Date with Meg Ryan on a Saturday night…!!!!

Last night was fun and just what I needed because I had a super tiring and exhausting day at Gotham. Saturday is supposed to be my day off but yesterday I had to work and it was very busy day. So I came home kind of tired, my neck was killing me and I was like “I need my Saturday”. But I can’t get my Saturday now, not till next weekend.

So, I sat with my headphones and did what I love the most, a movie marathon. I watched two back to back Meg movies. First one mad me cry like baby, I was crying and wiping tears off my face worried what if my brother walked in the room. Don’t want to be the girl who cries watching movies. Second one was my happy movie to counter the heavy emotions of first movie.

Movies I saw were Courage Under Fire and Kate & Leopold.

Courage_Under_Fire_33126_Medium

I truly believe Courage Under Fire is one of most underrated Meg movies, probably because it’s more of a Denzel Washington movie. Its one movie I can’t watch without crying just can’t.  I mean every time I watch it I end up being a cry baby wiping her tears with sleeves of her sweatshirt. Yeah! I cry when I watch a movie but that’s just between you and me. When her character says “No Surrender” I pretend she is saying that for me when I’m ready to give on my sanity.

I have decided to catch up with Meg movies that i haven’t seen for i don’t know what reason. That’s how my Saturday nights are going to go now.

I have been also listening to this one song again and again. I am not a Taylor Swift fan but there are few songs of her that I love including Mine. I think Mine is a beautiful song but I love its Glee version more.

It’s Sunday and tomorrow I have Gotham again which makes me sad because my weekend was a tiny little glimpse of sunshine. I wish life was like Kate & Leopold, where I could just find true love and leave everything to follow my heart. But that’s where reality and movie differ, the ease of finding happiness, love and happy endings.

I would now like to use my few hours of Sunday to work on one of my stories. I just realised I lost few pages of Dominique when my laptop crashed few months back. Made me so so sad.

Wishing you all a Happy Sunday…

Love quoting from Meg Ryan’s movies…

It was a decent sunshine Sunday. Makes me happy because I keep thinking of last Sunday when the thoughts inside my head went as dark as possible.

Feel like Meg’s character Capt. Karen Emma Walden from Courage Under Fire, as I hear myself say “No Surrender” even when I know its a lost battle.

Happy Monday to all and Goodnight!!

Versatile Blogger Award…!!!!

Sometimes i wonder about the singer behind a beautiful sad song…wondering if the heart and voice behind the song is sad too?

Anyhow, its Friday here and so i have something awesome to share. I have been nominated for Versatile Blogger Award by Make Somethings Monday.

She is talented, creative and totally knows how to make Mondays awesome. Thankyou Megan for the honor 🙂

Here are the rules for the award:

1. Add to award certificate on your blog.

2. Announce your win with a post and thank the blogger who nominated you.

3. Nominate 15 deserving bloggers with the award.

4. Link your nominees in the post and let them know of their nomination with a comment.

5. Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

 

versatile-blogger-awardNow i wouldn’t be awarding nominees in any order and would like to dedicate and send it to each one of you.

Seven Things about me:

1 – My favorite fictional character has to be Kathleen Kelly.

2 – I truly believe i would cease to exist if somebody took away music from me.

3 – I want to learn “moon walk”, just cant get it right.

4 – Im very emotional about dogs. Seeing a sad dog or one in pain kills me.

5 – I call my day of freedom from blues as “Dawn”, which i would like to believe is not a myth.

6 – I think my mom is Awesome but i never tell her.

7 – I cant watch Eight Below, Hachiko, Courage Under Fire, The boy in the stripped pyjamas again…specially the first two movies. I love them, i just cant get to the end without crying.

 

Sometimes a writer just needs one song, one right song…!!!!

It was just the kind of the day I needed, productive in terms of writing and super relaxing. It’s funny how my mind can make me do weird things. What is that? Well whole week I mentally worked on my new story, had even written one chapter and was dying to work more on it during weekend. And then on Friday I’m listening to a song by Agnes Obel, when I end up playing a whole new story inside my head.

I have a whole new story, new script and characters ready to come out on paper. So here I’m writing on the new untitled story instead of the one I was suppose to work on. But it’s okay because this one won’t let me think of anything else. It’s all crazy but good. I’m writing since morning and it is calming me down, making me all better and happy. The kind of week I had, I needed something good and writing this story is kind of fixing me.

Though I wish I would just go out for a while, I do but, I mean to the city. I need a haircut, I’m avoiding it. I have few errands in city, I’m avoiding them. I’m like a vampire who won’t leave the house because I don’t have my sunlight ring.

Anyhow, another good thing about the day is the fact that I have found my next publication house. Well fingers crossed, again. I will keep doing this again and again till I end up succeeding. And I will; I would like to believe for I have no options. Like Meg Ryan’s character Karen Emma Walden says “No Surrender”. I am not giving up, not yet. I don’t know if you have seen this movie people, but if not then make Courage Under Fire your next movie.

Its late, I should go now. O I can’t believe Saturday is over. You know what I want for my birthday next month? Of course, an acceptance letter. How cool would that be?

Goodnight World!

Hey wardrobe, you’re welcome…!!!!

Voices: Guys guys give it a break. I can’t hear it no more.

Wardrobe: But she is great.

Body: You said it Wardrobe, Little is awesome.

Voices: O please, my ears

Car: You know they are not wrong, she has changed. I am so clean lately.

Bed: I agree

Voices: People focus…Oh come on Bed look at you all filthy…really?

Body: Voices you are mean, because even you know Little is awesome

Voices:

Stop it…stop it please, i think im going to throw up

Little:

Dont sweat it guys…you are awesome too. Happy to help!

After wasting two days of my weekend sulking and crying over life and things I can’t have but wish I could, I finally got over the blues. Today was a national holiday because today we celebrate Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday. So I was home and happy.

Last night I watched 3 back to back episodes before I slept and woke up in afternoon. I watched Dexter’s season return and it was mind-blowing just so awesome, I saw Revenge’s return episode and it was good and then Castle. I like it when I know I don’t have to get up early for Gotham and be all “I’m awesome and yes it’s my real smile” in front of people.

So I woke up pretty damn late, made myself some noodle and did what I had planned. I cleaned (almost) my wardrobe and man it took all my day and there is still two sections left. Thing is I got distracted while cleaning, because I found old diaries and stuff.  Cleaning wardrobe after centuries only to find old birthday greeting cards…priceless. The feeling of finding old letters, old birthday greeting cards and stuff is so overwhelming and yet amazing. I then went through old diary pages randomly from random diaries and it was like I was time traveling. Everything was so real and in front of me. But some of the entries confused me because I didn’t write why I was angry or upset. I used to do that not mention the exact reason because I never liked writing bad about someone.

At first it was fun because I was laughing at how things had changed, how a day that felt so sad and hopeless was now a blur and gone. How what felt broken back then was fixed now and all that things, but then too much reading made me realise how I did go through a happy phase, a phase I had written about so much using words like “I don’t want anything to change”. Unfortunately even back then I knew it wasn’t going to be there forever.

Well, apart from a trip down diary pages, I did manage to clean a major part of my wardrobe and I then went for running and little rope skipping in evening. Yes, I cleaned and I did work out. I used my holiday this time, I wasn’t on bed listening to songs all day and telling myself I’m doomed why pretend. Truth is pretending has made me reach here, point where I have bundles of pages to tell me I have been fighting and surviving and maybe I will survive.  Pretending made me reach here; where these bundles of pages are a proof that life does get better even if for a while.

Now I don’t write diary and record everyday like I used to because now there is no more surprises left but I will still pretend and be awesome. Why? Because like Meg Ryan’s character Captain Karen Emma Walden (from Courage Under Fire) said “No surrender”…Maybe i will make it or maybe i will not, but I will not throw away my awesomeness because there is no dawn.

Song for the daywatch?v=j-fWDrZSiZs

The Versatile Blogger Award…!!!!

Few days back I was honored with an award nomination by Miss Sylvee, but because of the whole blue mood thing I couldn’t acknowledge the award. So here I’m with the awesome news of being awarded with The Versatile Blogger Award. Miss Sylvee is young, creative, talented and artistic. Also, she loves fashion and photography.  While she is not only good with her writing, she also draws amazingly well. Her blog is awesome and refreshing.

Miss Sylvee thank-you for the honor!

Now the rules – I have to say 7 things about me.

1 – I have a habit of kissing Snowy on his forehead and saying “I love you” to him. I do this a lot because I worry about him. He is one of the best things about my life.

2- After watching all the Harry Potter series, I’m now starting with the books.

3- I have never seen Snow and I can’t help but love hills, valleys, mountains.

4- I’m a very romantic person but I prefer to hide behind my mystery novels, thrillers and Avril Lavigne songs.

5- Weird but long time ago I wanted to grow up and be a house wife, because I used to envy life of my aunts who would watch TV all day and do nothing. I wanted to just get out of homework zone and be that women who had all day to her for TV. Weird considering that I’m not into marriage and I hardly watch TV now.

6-I can live without network in my phone but can’t live without music in it

7- I can’t watch Courage Under Fire and Eight Below again, despite the fact that they are amazing movies and one has Meg Ryan. I always end up in tears, which doesn’t happen much with other movies.

Now few amazing blogs that I’m going to nominate

sweetmotherlover.wordpress.com

squirrelcircus.wordpress.com

sincerelyslapdash.wordpress.com

piavalentinpoetry.wordpress.com / valleysveranda.wordpress.com

talesoftwistedfibers.wordpress.com

dreamingabouteveryday.wordpress.com

acflory.wordpress.com

nevercontrary.com

If you want introduction to some of the most awesome blog posts and bloggers, you got to check these awesome people.

I got an award