Got no title…let’s pretend this post is called Chocolate Banana Coffee Pie…

A dagger is stuck in the heart of mine
It moves like needle with time
They flick at it a little
It bleeds inside a litre
How it got there
No one knows
An organ within me it grows…

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And she blames gravity for her fall…!!!!

I had a bad day and funny thing is nothing even happened but it was a day I can’t get out of not until I sleep it off. Nobody knows what I went through today because people who love me saw me like they see me every day, but I wasn’t okay. Okay isn’t the word I can use I was broken and dying inside. Whole day I felt this noose around my neck and a dagger in my chest making it hard to breathe, literally.

I had a panic attack and my anxiety touched the roof but to people around me I was completely okay, I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad.

How I wish I could have just one more day off because I feel horrible inside and im not even close to an R of ready to face Monday.

And she blames gravity for her fall for no one knows what hit her…!!!!

“Dont hold your breath, you stop thinking when you stop breathing…Breathe”

I’m a totally crazy kid, if am allowed to call myself a kid, because right now I’m sitting on my bed under the quilt with my laptop and headphones. Its 2 am and I’m almost dancing trying to make sure I do not end up throwing the laptop and waking up my Snowy who is pretty much cursing me for not sleeping.

So, why I’m dancing while being buried under the quilt, with my laptop on me? Simple, I just had best back to back episode marathon. Grey’s Anatomy just made me cry with a smile and Glee o man o man I missed you. The musical audition had some amazing songs and Marlie is my favourite Glee kid now, though I still miss Santana but Marley is pretty awesome too. And if I can get me a cap like hers, I guess I would be happy to grow my hair.

The last scene of Grey’s Anatomy when Meredith hugs Christina was so emotional but it wasn’t sad. It was like a different kind of emotional. This time they had an episode solely focused on these two besties and their life in different parts of the world. I love them both and the kind of rapport their share, I can still imagine the first episode when all they wanted was to get that surgery with McDreamy. Today they are each other’s person. For a change an emotional episode made me not feel sad like “why-do-I-watch-Greys” sad.

Now Glee, there was no Santana, no Kurt or Rachael but it still had a pretty decent plot with new comers showing their talent. Unique and Marley’s audition was awesome…and I loved Kitty and Jake’s audition too. Wish they had given more scenes to Blaine.

This is what I was waiting for past few days finally I got my Friday night. Music makes me breathe and dance and cry and believe….!!!!

Both these episodes had some really awesome quotes. Winner would be “Dreams aren’t free”

I was happy sad, I was sad sad and I was happy happy. Fiction does this to me, makes me feel all the emotions I lock up. That’s why I write Dominique or Jane Doe.

So it’s Friday night which means from tomorrow I have my holidays. Today no one was in working mood, everyone was acting like me…looking at the time. And when the clock struck 630, all I could hear were happy voices wishing each other “Happy Diwali”. I’m not a festival person but I’m a holiday person. Diwali is one awesome festival but I prefer to celebrate it my own way, different from others. Will tell how on Tuesday, till then I have something else to offer. Tomorrow I plan to upload an excerpt from Jane Doe.

Today one of my best friends was discussing politics and she asked me some question about my view son something and I said something like I don’t care, I have no views. She was a little disappointed at the answer but I couldn’t really say anything else. Truth is I’m not that girl who has no idea what’s going on in her country or around the world and who has no opinions to give…but now I don’t care to give my opinion or say how I feel about a particular scenario. Truth is reason i don’t care to give my opinion is because no matter who wins the election, which party gets the maximum votes, im pretty much screwed for the rest of my life. The dagger inside me is not going anywhere, no matter who wins or lose. Guess it makes me a shallow person, but i think its the anger and helplessness.

So i got to go now. Good night world!

 

Thankyou Gotham….!!!!

Before I start with my episode and continue work on Jane Doe, I want to say something. Today I got salary raise and it makes me more than happy, it makes me super happy because no matter how screwed i’m with life at the end I’m not a complete loser. I work hard every day in Gotham but I never thought anybody cared.

I may not be the daughter my mom wished she had but i still made her little proud today which means a lot to me. I also missed my mentor and best friend a lot today because she is a major reason behind everything I do at work, she taught me all of it. My loved ones are disappointed with me at some corner of their heart and I know it very well but I also know today they are happy. I may act super self obsessed with “I’m Awesome” as my pet line but I have no confidence in me and  so, today, I told myself silently that despite the darkness I have done good, despite the pain I have managed well. I wanted to be hugged but I managed with self pep talk.

To reach this day is in itself an accomplishment for me because I know the journey. It was a good day today, while it began with a big headache it turned out to be just awesome. Also had one of those rare family outings which added to the whole awesomeness.

Club cant even handle me right now…!!!!

Every other day when I cry myself to sleep I wonder if there is any reason to have hope and faith. Even today as I smile and dance inside my head I feel the dagger but I am happy. I’m not loser.

So finally weekend is here and for next two days I have just Jane Doe on my plate. Write write write.

Goodnight world!

 

Sometims i take a walk back…!!!!

I have been doing it a lot

Taking a walk back

Like going through a book

From the memory rack

I think of days spent together

Walks in rainy weather

For some reason

I remember every season

Lived with you

Lived loving you

If only I could see

The wall with names

Of you and me

Thinking of us makes me smile

Even if it’s for a while

We were crazy and in love

When I think too much

Reality turns into a dagger

There is no pain bigger

Than your absence

Knowing we won’t be same

Even for once

But I still don’t mind

Talking a walk back

Raising the curtain to peek behind

Sometimes I feel you around

Sometimes I hear the sound

I know you don’t live there

Not anymore

But I see it like it was

Everything like it was

I dream of you and I

Under the same old sky

Walking hands in hands

Making same prints on sand

Its strange how I can feel

Just the same

By whispering your name

Sometimes I take a walk back

To the bench we sat on

The day changes turned on

We sat in silence

Life felt on a fence

You told me

The way it has to be

I told you I can’t I wont

You smiled

I could feel tears

You were trying to hide

You walked away

There was nothing to say

We were young

We had a song

Not anymore

Nothing like before

I walk back to what’s gone

To the happiness not known

Anymore…!!!!