If there would ever be a job opening for a Zone Out Expert, I would nail the interview…like I’m the one!!!

Sometimes I close my eyes and sometimes I stare at whatever is there right in front of me and zone out, either ways I just go to a place where I’m a fun person doing things I don’t do.

In my zoned out world I’m often a happy soul jumping, dancing, falling in love, flirting, kissing a stranger, getting drunk, hitchhiking, backpacking, traveling and doing every thing that you would do in a rom-com. Most of my zoned out moments are like being in a music video.

Reminds me of that dialogue from Sleepless in Seattle “You don’t want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie”.

Often on bad days Im zoning out a lot, its kind of my defense mechanism. It’s one place, everything is better if not real.

P.S Gin Wigmore…how great is she?

 

You don’t need a degree to know what love is…!!!!!

Have you ever felt love in a way that it belongs to you that you were meant to find it, doesn’t matter if it wasn’t yours to keep? When i see people i realize something, there is no such thing as one love. Because everyone grows up loving different people at different phases of their lives only to end with one person who stays for long, really long. But each and every phase of that love felt right to them, whether it was a school crush, a high school love story, a college romance or marriage.

I personally believe love is meant to find everyone, even the most worthless of us who lost it or never kept it or never got to know it for good.

That’s the beauty of love it never forgets to say Hi to us; we might grow up to be a different person but we all get that turn once where we brush our shoulder with it. Some get to be friends with it, some become acquaintances and others walk by and never get to greet it again.

A peace of mine would always remember my turn. Some days when I’m all sunshine because i have no energy to crib anymore, i tell myself maybe there is another turn maybe i should just keep walking and we would meet again, love and me. And if we don’t, i would still be someone who once did get to say hello to it. Because honestly speaking things happen to you in ways you cant expect them to or want to.

I’m kind of peachy right now…so folks, enjoy the moment of Little being peachy…i think its the dancing. I went to a party tonight, where everyone was wearing dresses and i was in my denim and blue shirt and All Stars. I danced so much, i was dancing with people, i was dancing alone, i was dancing. And maybe that’s why i feel rosy and peachy.

Batman loves Christmas…!!!!

I hate winters but im loving December. Today I decorated one of my mum’s plant like a Christmas tree. I need more stuff to make it better and by tomorrow it will all ready.

I woke up super late to a very cold, cloudy and wintery day with no sign of sun. So I stayed home, made me coffee, played music, decorated my tiny tree, did nothing all day, stayed dirty and lazy, danced a little and danced some more…!!!

On journey from Denial to Acceptance, life serves you crazy cocktail called “Mixed emotions”…!!!!

Last night i had a karaoke night in my room, as i danced and sang to loud music from the speakers in my room. I used my television remote as my fake microphone while jumping up and down on my bed late at night.

My mom was worried i was going to break something in my room, my father was worried about neighbours complaining about loud music at that time of the night. But it was so much fun and rejuvenating.

I don’t know what triggered it but i had the best karaoke night because i danced like no one was watching, because no one was watching. I do this dance on my bed session alot but usually on a weekday.

What can i say, between Denial and Acceptance there is a long journey of mixed emotions and crazy moments.

I have been having a very busy time at Gotham and even though its killing me, im happy about it. You cant afford to think and go wailing because your mind is busy working. Nice deal. Even though bottling up emotions is a recipe for disaster it always works well for few good drama free days.

I should do more of this my-kind karaoke nights, at least i will get some kind of exercise while im trying to break my bed. No tv episodes isn’t that bad but im afraid with no internet, i might not be able to complete this year’s NaNoWriMo or worst take part in it. Lets see, even if i don’t i will start writing as soon as im back.

Got to go, busy day tomorrow plus i feel exhausted.
Goodnight world.

Sometimes i wish i was more expressive and less walled up. Sharing and expressing is a good thing and i wish i could do that. If only i wasn’t the mean angry Hulk anymore, who enjoys long drive, buying coffee, shopping for books and dancing to music…all alone. If only i wasn’t the “my own favorite person” kind of person.

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Darkness is a stalker…!!!!

Sometimes having a good time can make you feel guilty or maybe its just me. You are not made for darkness i tell myself but it all sounds phoney to my ears.

I have been told that i have changed as a person. I have and i cant explain why.

For past few days i have been thinking about things in general. About days that i cant relive, people i miss and changes that have scarred inside of my heart. Last night i cried a lot because i couldn’t stop thinking about Snowy and that last moment of his. The moment when he stopped breathing and when my brother and i carried him to the car. Kills me. It wont go away. This is why i cant talk about him.

I am not sure where my life is going. The only good thing that happened out of my Panic Disorder phase is that my mother knows something is wrong with me.

Truth is i am worried that another season of changes is going to come and hit me hard and break few more bones of hope. Im worried i will be left battling more changes. Dont know why but i am scared.

Anyhow, you know what i need right now? A cup of coffee and a new Book. Its funny how despite having a good evening im so low and upset. I was out dancing with office people and it was a fun evening, but now that im alone and have remove all the pretenses off my face, i cant stop feeling sad and empty.

At last i have my weekend and i can work on my story. Two days of sulking and writing is what i need. Or maybe i should just take my car to the city and buy as many books as possible.

Everybody loves Raymond and im not him…!!!!

 

Spotted…Little dancing in her room!!!!

Today I was dancing in my room…that’s how a haircut affects me. Okay to be honest im, for some unknown reason, in a happy mood today.

Two lessons that i learned today, its time to change my saloon because they are robbing me and everyone else who goes there. I paid a fortune today for a haircut, I could have got me a new shirt with that money. But I like the guy who cuts my hair, as in he is good with his work. Second, next time when I want something I need to check all the shops instead of buying the first thing that I like in the market. I found this really nice wallet by Da Milano and it was on sale and totally within my pocket range but I just bought me a wallet last week. Why why why didn’t I search around before buying, I just bought the first wallet I found. Way to go Little!

Anyhow, Monday is here and I will sleep early tonight. Have to get up in morning for the badminton too. Good news I took A VERY SMALL step towards finishing the editing on Jane Doe, so I didn’t completely wasted my weekend. Yay!

Even though im peachy today I am also worried because my handsome doggie isn’t acting well. I think the cold is messing with his age. I hate to see him sad and ill.

So today I watched pilot episode of a new show “Don’t trust the B in apartment 23” and I liked it. I like the character of Chloe. And I ate 3-4 pieces of Lindor dark. Dammit! Why cant I stay away from chocolate and tv shows? Why?

Have to go now, because need all my energy for Monday. Im thinking of making few changes to wardrobe like buying more check shirts than tshirts this summer. Having haircut is always cheerful, despite the fact that I do not get to hear good things because everyone wants me to keep them long.

Valentine is coming and I know what I will be doing…Meg movie, donut, dance on my bed and I will buy me a book. Yes! Because I love myself.

Goodnight World!

P.S my blog’s birthday coming up…i didn’t realize that.