Happy Friday night…
Love & Calories,
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My 31st and 1st and 2nd and 3rd and 4th all came and went with a swooshy sound, I didn’t get time to sit and ponder on how 2014 was and what my 2015 resolutions would be. Last year was relatively kind to me, but I did lose a friend in the crowd of expectations and lies. A friendship drowned somewhere causing an irreparable damage. Minus that I did fine with the standards tears, pain and heartache. I did drop to a whole new level of blues when I discovered new dark face of mine, but that’s no biggie. Apart from the usual, it wasn’t a nice year in terms of health. Yep! Definitely that’s where 2014 screwed up big. Overall, 2014 was decent, kinder and a snatcher for it snatched a friend.
When every day is a struggle some years prove too kind not because they tore you up little less, because you became little more immune and strong.
I did find a lot of new songs, new TV shows, a way back to my stories, few more novels on my shelf, new favourite pair of sneakers, some more scratches and dents on my car and introduction to Xanax. Walking into 2015 is more or like taking a blind turn on a dark rainy night, just not sure what to expect. Every year I hope I would bump into Dawn, I fear I would lose grip on the frays of hope and I wear faces that suffocate me. Maybe 2015 would be amazing, maybe it would be kind or maybe it would be my iceberg, I have no idea. Let’s destiny and universe do its thing, I have things to do too.
So, may be 2015 would be another 2014 or another 2013 or another 2012 or 11 or 10 or maybe it would be a whole new never seen totally mind boggling era…all I know, I’m a lone soldier battling a war and my resolutions are my weapon of defense against the unknown.
There is always another song to add to shuffle, another cup of coffee to put on Insta, another book to buy and another fictional character to fall in love with…
P.S leaving a fun remix by Bastille
You are the books you read, the songs you listen, the movies you watch, the people you hang out with and the food you eat…huh! I think I’m a donut…
Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone
Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone
Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone
Okay! I had no idea that some Hong Kong based businessman has put huge, crazy huge, amount of money on offer for any guy who would marry his gay daughter. He basically would make a man rich if he ends up turning his gay daughter straight. Hmm, just when i thought that nothing else can surprise me. Honestly, this news kind of makes me angry. Why cant Mr. money accept his daughter the way she is and love her for what she is and give all that money to people who actually need it. Man! that is twisted.
Anyhow, today was Republic day and i didn’t do much except being a host to guests at my place. Im no longer a fan of republic day or independence day but i wish i could have free time today. I don’t do i love my country and its the best. I don’t anymore. I dont know if that’s weird.
My head hurts, its so cold and every bone in my body is begging me to sleep. Im so tired and exhausted that i cant feel any emotion right now. Bed is all i can think of. Coffee, donut, book and bed. Just what i need. I wish i could take a day off tomorrow but i cant.
I got to go. Still, cant believe Mr. Hong Kong. I better sleep.
Past 2-3 days have been kind of hard on me and I wonder if it would make me sound crazy when I say “I’m blue because my Snowy is old, ill and going to his vet everyday”. Truth is on Tuesday when doc said that he cannot be operated upon because of his age and medication is all we have, something hit me hard. It’s like people are giving me that look where they don’t want to say it but are saying it. That night I cried and so I didn’t blog or even read (so much for the book challenge). I couldn’t stop the tears as I tried to sleep. So now every time my dog poops everyone in my family breathes a sigh of relief, especially me. I may pretend to be okay but I’m not. I know some people might think he is just a dog but its breaking my heart.
Anyhow, since he is little better today and since its Valentine I must talk happy right? Yep. So before I forget Happy Valentine to all of you. It was just a normal day for me, in fact I have been skipping my lunch time and going to Snowy’ Vet for past 4 days now and I did the same today. But I did celebrate with coffee and donut and loads of love songs in my phone.
Fact that I’m in no celebration mood makes me happy that all my friends were busy today and I had no plans. I needed me and I got that. Truth is I wake up 2-3 times in night when I realize he is trying to get up because I’m afraid he will fall. He can hardly walk straight now.
Okay sorry I went back to the sad topic.
So now the big thing, blog birthday. Three years ago I started a blog because everyone was blogging and I wanted to blog, share my views, talks about things the way I see but then life scored over me and I stopped blogging for a while. I did blog occasionally but not that much. I never followed anyone, had no blog friend back then and there weren’t many followers for me either.
One fine day I said good bye to my diaries and took over blogging religiously because I needed to write, talk and share but only about things hurting me, voices in my head, my obsession about being a super hero and everything else in and around me. I soon found people, nice people, who started talking to me, liking my posts and visiting me. Best part was I started following blogs and people who made me see world like I hadn’t seen before. Sometimes I wonder if I’m cheating on my diaries but then I guess I’m and there is nothing I can do about it now. My only regret is I ended up giving my blog address to so many friends back when I started it and now I wish I hadn’t.
Someday, someday, I wish to talk about the real thing but till then I rather vent out about my day, the voices, my awesomeness, my secret love story, the dawn, superheroes, Dominique, Jane Doe, music, fiction, my ability to not sleep on time and everything that I love.
Blogging made me meet NaNoWriMo, which made me write Jane Doe. A novel of my own. Ultra crazy.
My blog posts are mostly blue, rarely do I write something happy and romantic, yet I’m loved by you people. Little is so so thankful to you all for being there. ..
The most appropriate song right now is
But since its Valentine i will share some of my favorite happy love songs with you people:
Truth is im romantic somewhere inside but im so blue that all my emotions get clouded with agony and anger. I once had a dream and i think i posted about it too; in this dream i was getting married to someone i loved and i was happy. I have never been so happy in a dream because i cant remember any dream as clearly as that.
Someday i wish life would let me fall in love, no adjustments, no sacrifice, no more lying, just love true love with honesty. Till then i have hope and dreams, i mean i can live all my love stories in my dream and no one can take that from me.
There may not be a Dawn, but there is a dream of You…!!!!
Today I was dancing in my room…that’s how a haircut affects me. Okay to be honest im, for some unknown reason, in a happy mood today.
Two lessons that i learned today, its time to change my saloon because they are robbing me and everyone else who goes there. I paid a fortune today for a haircut, I could have got me a new shirt with that money. But I like the guy who cuts my hair, as in he is good with his work. Second, next time when I want something I need to check all the shops instead of buying the first thing that I like in the market. I found this really nice wallet by Da Milano and it was on sale and totally within my pocket range but I just bought me a wallet last week. Why why why didn’t I search around before buying, I just bought the first wallet I found. Way to go Little!
Anyhow, Monday is here and I will sleep early tonight. Have to get up in morning for the badminton too. Good news I took
A VERY SMALL step towards finishing the editing on Jane Doe, so I didn’t completely wasted my weekend. Yay!
Even though im peachy today I am also worried because my handsome doggie isn’t acting well. I think the cold is messing with his age. I hate to see him sad and ill.
So today I watched pilot episode of a new show “Don’t trust the B in apartment 23” and I liked it. I like the character of Chloe. And I ate 3-4 pieces of Lindor dark. Dammit! Why cant I stay away from chocolate and tv shows? Why?
Have to go now, because need all my energy for Monday. Im thinking of making few changes to wardrobe like buying more check shirts than tshirts this summer. Having haircut is always cheerful, despite the fact that I do not get to hear good things because everyone wants me to keep them long.
Valentine is coming and I know what I will be doing…Meg movie, donut, dance on my bed and I will buy me a book. Yes! Because I love myself.
P.S my blog’s birthday coming up…i didn’t realize that.
Today is Rose day I think, I mean I have been told so by two guys who wished me though messengers of course. I know normally a girl would gloat but I’m not sure I am on cloud 9 for being wished Rose day by two guys. No no, I did like it. It made me smile knowing that maybe someone has a crush on me, its human to feel good knowing someone likes you but for me it stops right there.
Thank you for wishing me. Made me smile but sorry I’m not into you or anyone.
Worst letter ever, I’m glad they won’t get to read this. See problem is I’m all romantic, all mushy mushy and I love so many things I won’t even acknowledge I do, in front of my friends, but bottom line is I’m not available.
I was watching Gossip Girl and what Blair and Chuck had made me wonder how even twisted people can find true love. I know its fiction but hey it’s not that unreal too, even crazy people have love in their life in real world.
I have had enough coffee and donut for today so I think I should shut down the voices begging for more. My entire workout is waste because I can’t let go of the junk food.
Good thing its Friday and that means just 9 more hours to survive before I can have two days of peace. Every morning when I’m sitting in front of my computer with tired, exhausted and sleepy eyes I wonder when the day would get over and when I would get to work on Jane Doe, but every evening I walk home with a dead brain and zero level of energy. The circle goes on.
I wish I could just throw away my headphones and laptop and just spend all my time reading but I can’t let go of music. It’s the new coffee for me. While they say denial isn’t good I say it’s the only thing keeping me alive.
i could quote a thousand words to tell you how i feel but it aint going to make any difference. Monday was fine except the headache that made me want to kill myself for not sleeping on time. But i cant just sleep on time, stop doing things i like doing or else there is no way to get through. You got to do what you got do.
Good news im typing from my laptop. Yay! and i now i can go back to all the posts that i missed on to.
Its late and i should sleep but i will read a little because i want to finish this book. I have been leaving things in between books, stories and what not which is making me kinda angry with myself.
Tomorrow i will try to upload a page from Jane Doe or Dominqiue. I’m dying to have a two day weekend or longer so i can just write. I dont want to go out, stay inside and write. Its 12:55 am and i feel like having a donut.