Tonight (again no reading or writing) i explore my windows phone. I have a windows phone and i still don’t know much about it. So today i download few apps and have been going through the phone like it’s someone else’s phone. Good news, now windows 8 people can use Instagram. Yay.
Imagine i create a Twitter account; i follow all my favourite TV and movie and non movie-TV people. And one fine day i see a picture upload from Ian Somerhalder and i click on the link and it says i can’t access because i don’t have Instagram…O COME ON. I mean Windows had no Instagram. I was like WHHAAA?
I had a good day for first half but after lunch i was like sleeping with my eyes open. Why won’t i sleep on time?
Tomorrow i have been invited to a b’day party of a colleague and I’m totally bailing on it with the power and ability to lie. I don’t want to spend 3-4 hours of my life with bunch of girls who would get all wasted, laugh, dance and make me wonder why can’t i be like them? Why I’m so uptight and why I’m so me? Not that I do not like ME. I love ME. I do, but sometimes my blues are so heavy that a part of me that wants to give up envies everyone around even the ones i don’t want to be like, no matter what.
I have to go. Why cant i just sleep on time, get up early for workout and drive to work on time and come back on time? Because that would be so not ME…
I have a postcard from Germany, it was given to me by one of our interns Eduard, and sometimes i look at the places on the postcard and wish i could be there. I imagine myself walking on the street or the promenade pictured on the postcard.
I should better go and sleep but im hungry. One more day before i can rejoice the freedom of not getting up early in morning. I want to make myself coffee and watch a Meg Ryan movie but i have Gotham tomorrow. So i guess i have no option but to go sleep.
I’m kind of missing Snowy alot today; my room feels so empty and sad. Maybe that’s why i can feel tears threatening to fall out.
I am not writing or reading…dont know why. Wednesday night I had a serious chat with my mother and I still cant believe what I told her. Its crazy but truth is honesty can never fight denial.
Its just no one will ever get it, no one will ever accept it. It hurts when people I love try to fix me, im not broken im not. I just have something to say, listen. Either hate me or accept me but dont tell me I need to grow up.
Tomorrow I plan to wake up early. Need to start workout.
I cant fight things and a part of me has accepted it which is why I find it hard to do things I love. My stories, my books.
Im in a phase where Dawn and Hope are both four letter words to me.