Dilemma 

What’s right, what’s wrong…

Serene Depths

To speak up or not,

And what to say,

What’s right, what’s wrong,

And what’s grey?,

Who decides…. who prides, who subsides?

Those looking, or those in it?

If you really wanna know,

Then get in it…

Feel the pain,

Calculate the gain,

And then let’s see, who’s insane!

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Hi my name is Little and I’m an addict…only I dont do drugs

No I dont do drugs, not a drinker and never smoked a pot but I’m addicted to stories in Tv Shows, books and movies. My latest addiction is The Fosters and I’m in love with the show and every single person in that show. I cant go back to my book or my stories because I cant get myself away from the The Fosters Marathon. It brings a smile to my face. I love Lena and Steph and Jude and Mariana and Jesus and even the reckless & in love Brandon & Callie.

Sometimes when I read a book or watch a show with a story that has heavy human emotions, relationships, drama and all hardcore family or friendship element, I kind of wish I could just close my eyes and step inside the story, to live it & to be one of them.

Because fiction is the only place where its okay to be the messed up one.

And I love love love this song from the show…

I love characters who make me want to be their friends…!!!

For long I had this wish to put a tick mark against one of my bucket list wish – to watch a movie alone. At first it  started as a thought of doing something fun and crazy cause who really goes for movies alone? But I never had the courage because I thought watching a movie alone is the saddest thing in the world and no matter how sad my life goes I will never do this.

Life heard me, laughed and said CHALLENGE ACCEPTED…

So, when life hits you that Ace you just have to stand there and wonder what happened to your backhand. Anyhow, I did reached that point where one fine day I just booked a ticket and went alone. I was nervous, little excited and kind of scared because I had no idea how to just go there, sit and watch a movie with no one to look at, when there is something funny or sad or scary on the big screen. But, it wasn’t bad in fact it was liberating. I know a tiny part of  me from the old-me is kind of dying right now in some corner of my head reading these words, but honestly it was the best thing that I ever did for me.

This Saturday when I sat there in an almost empty theater watching Age of Adaline on the big screen, I realized what a magical world we have in the movies. They make you forget everything that pushes you to that dark corner of the road and make you want to live forever singing it’s-a-beautiful-world. The stories and characters and emotions on that big screen in a dark hall are so majestic and beautiful that for those 2 some hours world feels good, nice, kind and even a gift.

There is something about watching a movie on a big screen and for a long time I felt sad for missing on movies because I had no social life, the people I was dependent on had other people, my issues were often making friends unfriend me leaving me all by myself.

I don’t know how sad it sounds but doings things for yourself isn’t sad its fun and liberating. You don’t have too lie to yourself or ignore yourself and give reasons for not being in mood for an outing, because you know you wont leave you for crazy mood swings, socializing issues and crazy self created walls/rules around your life. People would do that to you, you wouldn’t do that to you.

Voices: Adaline?

Me: Fish! sorry…All I wanted to say was watch Age of Adaline. Great movie.

Voices: Was that so hard?

Me: I thought a little history would be good.

Voices: A little? You would have written a book on your sorry life.

Me: I couldn’t have, for a book I would have needed a fictional name, few character introductions and.. Oh! was that sarcasm?

Voices (Rolling eyes)

So, in short I started today’s post with an aim of giving a review of Age of Adaline and how magical I felt while I sat there watching this movie, wondering what a beautiful world a movie creates for us. But, I ended up blabbering. So here I go – I watched Age of Adaline and Blake Lively was flawless, I never much liked her as Serena in Gossip Girl because her character was not the kind I would want to be friends with but I would definitely want to be friends with Adaline.

ageofadaline

Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving

Derek Shepherd? Seriously? I mean seriously?

Spoiler Alert for Grey’s Anatomy-

Okay! Im speechless. So speechless, because I just saw Grey’s Anatomy killing a major character. Okay! Shonda Rhimes you did it again, after killing every good character and shipping off Christina away, now you murdered the epic love story of Twisted Grey and her McDreamy. Last I felt this much of shock was when George died.

Till the last scene I was hoping he wont die but being a Grey’s follower I knew it was pointless to hope for survival.

I dont get it, what’s with tv shows now. They expect us to watch Grey’s Anatomy without Derek Shepherd and Vampire Diaries without Elena Gilbert. What is wrong with TV?

I’m sad, little confused and cant wait for next episode because I don’t know what is going to happen in Shondaland now. Shonda Rhimes you and your shows are kind of make me forget its all just fiction, actors and stories. With so much of killing I think you are the Serial Killer of TV shows but woman I love your shows. The drama, the emotions and the characters. Love it all.

I am also not sure, where and how we managed to reach this episode. Weren’t we just worried about Meredith and Derek getting separated with all the fighting and the we were chewing off our nails because Derek might be a cheater. Next thing we know, they are back to being crazy in love and then he dies.Whatever was the plot, I just think its way too soon.

Its just its way too soon, we just lost Christina to some super awesome hospital. I wonder what happens next with Meredith, Amelia and the rest of the surgeons as in how they take this in. I kind of worry more about Amelia for some reason. Shonda if you are listening at least bring back Meredith’s person. Its time we have Christina back. I know i’m just playing with hope, what can i say we just lost Mc-Dreamy.

derek-sheperd

P.S the choice of song in the end. Takes us back to a whole different era of Grey’s Anatomy when everyone was alive and still a part of the original cast.