The Two Worlds.

Taimur wali

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Your world, which is the real world, and other worlds, the fantasy..
Worlds like this are worlds of the human imagination: their reality, or lack of reality, this is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative, provide an escape, provide a threat, provide a dream, provide refuge, and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist, and thus they are all that matters.

― Neil Gaiman, The Books of Magic

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Maybe Petula Clark sang it for me, I would like to believe so…!!!!

Today was one of those days when you just want to escape everything and everyone. You don’t want to be at work but you don’t want to go home either. You don’t want to talk to people at work or people at home. But there is no other place to be because your life is work or home.

This is where someone from universe sings me…

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go downtown

I cant though, not now because its just Tuesday and there are still few days left before weekend walks back into my arms and kisses me.

From Superhero to Vampire…!!!!

Nothing productive again…i wonder if I was better without a weekend.

Am angry and bitter today. Feel so alone because today im angry with everyone I know, friends and family. Was so mad at my loved ones, because of a conversation I overheard, that I wanted to not talk to anyone. So I made me coffee, put my headphones and watched You’ve Got Mail for some 1000th time again. Meg Ryan was my escape. My love for Kathleen Kelly and her Shop Around The Corner will never stop surprising me.

Then I got up, changed into better clothes and drove to the market. I needed fresh air. Got me coffee and bought four new books before I came back home. Buying books was needed. I needed to do something for me.

“People are always telling you change is a good thing but all they are really saying is that something you didnt want to happen at all, has happened” This qoute from the movies sums up the truth about life in general.

Kathleen Kelly was brave to march towards unknown, im not. But I just love, love this movie and Meg.

Monday is here and I know how busy its going to be but am relieved for I had become a Vampire. Staying inside all day, hardly leaving my house.

Now am wondering if I should cancel my plan of taking off on my birthday. Happy birthday to me…yay…whats so yay about it. Have to go, bitter me needs to take a nap.

Goodnight world!

P.S im sorry for being absent from other blogs. Will be back. Just need my internet to get fixed. Blogging through phone is hard.

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Sometimes you have all the answers, yet you stay mum…!!!!

Just came back from 20mins of rope skipping. Dont know how much it will affect my health, but it does help me escape the world for a while.

Usually I say I have no regrets in life, despite all the wrongs (as per the world’s definition) that I have done. But there is one regret. I regret that I have to lie and stay silent when people who love me question me and ask me reason for my actions. I end up lying or staying silent thus becoming the bad guy. Am not sure if my world, which is made of my loved ones, is strong enough to take the truth. No one can.

Dinner time…got to go!

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People with a good memory are doomed to suffer from nostaligia…!!!!

It wasn’t a good day and I don’t know why. I think it had something to do with my stupid stomach and the fact that I’m kinda low on hope for past two days. But no complaints cause everything was fine after 730.

Sometimes there are things that just happen out of the blue and I realize I’m an idiot. Living in denial and hope, when at the end there is dawn, no escape. Since past two days I have been having this feeling that there is no happy ending and all the hope I have is nothing but a lie. I told myself to stop kidding and accept the fact. I was humming to a song trying to make myself happy when voices told me, what’s the use..why am I being happy when I know I’m doomed.

The part of me that lost hope was begging me to not do anything to feel good, cause its all going to go in vain. How crazy is that? Pretty much. I’m glad I’m self obsessed soul…so I went and got me a brand new Vero Mooda trouser. I know I should not smile because there is no happy ending but I can’t breathe if I accept reality. So I lie to myself.

I wish I could ask someone to hug me and not let go. I wish I could just ask someone to tell me “its okay”.
I know what I need, I need a two days with just me and my room and my stories and coffee. I need one night of fiction marathon. I need to visit Dominique or Jane Doe. I know how to refill my empty can of hopes, but for that I need a weekend. Sadly, my saturday is working.

For some reason I can’t get this Ed Sheeran song out of my head – give me love.

Got to go now, I have to get up at 7 to play. I have been trying to play everyday, workout everyday.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Dyed in blue, can i ever be anything else?

I saw this hindi movie today and there was this scene where the guy tells the girl that she has a Meena Kumari Complex, which means she likes to be sad and sad poems and songs make her happy. (Meena Kumari was an old actress known for her beauty, movies and sadness)

So I wonder if I have Meena Kumari complex and if I like to be sad. I spend so much time being blue that I often wonder if I can ever be happy. Once I had this thought that if one day life does change, a miracle happens and I get my dawn, would I stop being sad? I mean I don’t know how to be anything but unhappy which is crazy, because I have everything that so many people don’t have. But then having it all doesn’t make my pain small, it still hurts. No matter how fun a day goes, at the end I can’t escape the truth that I’m not what people think I’m, that I lie to people who love me, that I am scared.

so much time spent being the tragedy queen, can I ever be something else? I wonder.

Last night, I had one of my weird dreams. I wonder why my dreams are weird. Well it was one of those im-getting-married dreams but for some reason it wasn’t as scary as its normally. Usually when I have one of these dreams I end up super blue and freaked out, but not this time. Ask me why. Well, because some part of my brain decided to make the visuals and theme beautiful. I am married and living with some guy, but the place is gorgeous. We have a huge huge house on a sea facing location. The beach is surrounded with palm trees and those greek acropolis shaped gates and pillars. The place in my dream was breathtakingly beautiful. So awesome that I forgot it was a wedding dream. I think my brain has developed some kind of defense mechanism against my creepy dreams

I wish I could just close my eyes and go back to that place again. Only I know how badly I want to see that place again.

Bad news, my laptop died and needs to go to laptop doctor for repair. Thankgod I have blackberry and a tab. At first when I realised my laptop won’t start I panicked because my stories, Jane Doe and Dominique is there. Fortunately it started for few minutes, I took a quick backup of the documents and now it won’t start. 😦

I wonder how sad I would have been if I had lost my stories. Tomorrow I plan to stay home and write.

Goodnight World!!

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