like a paper boat stuck behind a rock in the river…

Sometimes i dream about people i dont even know. Someone i never met. I mean sometimes these dreams are so real, yet i have no idea who the people are im with. This morning i woke up to such a dream, it was a tragic and sad dream but it felt so real and thus scary.

Anyhow, i have had a very lazy weekend. I didnt do much, except having coffee, going for long drive by myself, finding me junk food, reading a little, watching lots of episodes all night long, sleeping all afternoon and for a change i did spend time walking, rope-skipping and running a little.

I think im going to be very sorry for saying i hate winters because im already hating the early summer. It was so hot all day but thing is right now its all rainy, windy and good outside. Im already dreading the months of May, June and July.

I’m taking forever to finish “The Book Thief” and my writer’s block is like a disease i cant get rid of…

Have you seen my awesomeness? Can’t find it…

So i had a bad Sunday with some really weird kind of Nervous breakdown or whatever it was. Was bad, really bad and i cant even tell you what all went inside my head. But im all okay now. Okay but pissed because yesterday some moron banged his scooter right in my car. Some really crazy girls were trying to cross the road without looking at the traffic, so i had to press BRAKE for them but the scooter guy doesn’t get to do the same and BANG.

My poor car has had some really bad time in past 2 years, poor car i must say.

Today i really missed my diaries, so much that at one point i almost made my up mind about buying a brand new diary and pen to start writing. But then i realised i shouldn’t. A part of me is tempting me to go back to writing diaries but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to go back to old habits.

Good thing i have been sleeping early and playing every day for past 2-3 days. But whoever said that a good 8 hours sleep and exercise is good for depression didn’t knew me or was never depressed. You know i always believed that my blues were the reason i wrote stories but i guess i was wrong because i cant write anymore. Weird i cant even read.

and 124...phew...i still feel bad...

and 124…phew…i still feel bad…

Lately, everyone is discussing the politics around because of the whole election season but i kind of have no opinion. Its like i dont care about anything.

I think i have lost my mojo. I cant feel my awesomeness or anything even remotely close to it plus i dont even feel like dancing on my bed with loud music. Man! that’s the worst.

We are ready to send humans to Mars soon, but we dont have a Hug-Machine…sad!!!

I think these are just tears of exhaustion. Imagine if life was simple as going to fridge and opening it to get a hug or calling the home delivery store for a hug or just snapping a finger to get hugged. Nah! Life isnt that simple. Its hard, you dont get a hug just because you want one. Not if you live a life of someone who likes to or prefers to be aloof and alone.

I just finished my second James Patterson novel and he is good. Really good. Both the books were so hard to keep down. This second one 9th Judgement was kind of crazy with so much thrilling suspense. I plan to read all of his Bennet and Lindsay series. My bloody internet has died and I have decided to do something about it once we are back from the family wedding. So no internet, no tv shows which means all I have got are the books. Bring it on.

I need another cup of coffee but I think I should just sleep early. The week has been nothing but a crappy set of busy days which in a way am greatful about. I hate slow days, makes me think and go blue. But busy days are breaking me physically.
Everyday im so exhausted that I have no energy for workout. There goes my resolution to exercise daily.

Imagine im actually looking forward to a family wedding that could be hard on me. Why? Five days off from work. Its like there is no win win. Work or a vacation that consists of wedding, relatives and people looking at you with those “you are next” looks. Lovely.

With so much science we still dont have a hug machine? Shame. If only I was smart enough to make one. I had a bear once, where did he go?

Got to go for im afraid if I didnt go sleep, I will make me one of those instant coffee with sachet and hot water.

Goodnight world!

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Take a sad song & make it better…!!!!

I have spent a major part of my life missing people, friends I made and said goodbyes to and I wonder if I was missed too. I wonder if I have touched lives of these friends of mine as much as I have been touched by theirs.  I would like to think I have been missed too.

Today I almost made my mind about talking to my mom but then I was a mess in morning and by afternoon I realized what a crazy thought it was. Though I did tell my mom about the medical problems I’m experiencing recently, because I’m not sure if it’s because I’m blue or because it’s the cervical. Lately I go though small momentary episodes of suffocation shortness of breath, headache that stays all day and then of course the cervical neck ache. Good thing I have started doing stretching exercises and running; also my mother does the oil massage on my neck. It helps.

Truth is if you are the only person who knows what you are going through and how dark it’s inside; the only person who can help you is you. So I started with the exercise, I stayed away from my headphones all day today and I have said yes to my friend for weekend movie plan instead of locking myself in my room which I want to do.

Only problem is I don’t know why do I have to put so much effort to keep me standing, why can’t I be the person I pretend to be…happy and awesome. You ask people in my office and not a single one of them would agree to my having a blue side. I’m that good when it’s comes to keeping appearances.

So, my HR made a bet with me saying I can’t come to office on time even for a week and I did. She had to buy me coffee. Now my friend says I can’t keep this for long and the bet is that I will crack before completing a month. I love bets and challenges. I hate to lose so I guess for next one month I’m going to have to reach office before 945 everyday. Man! It’s going to be difficult considering the fact that I sleep super duper late.

Today I’m listening to Hindi songs for a change which feels good. I rarely listen to Hindi songs except the few numbers I have on my phone but today I found this song that I can’t stop listening to. The guy in the movie is an Indian doppelganger of McDreamy from Grey’s.

Have to go now, im sleepy but I have to stay awake because my brother is late today and I have to open door for him. Friday is here and i dont know why i hate this day now, every friday my mind counts the number of days it has been since i lost Snowy.

Goodnight World!

P.S i love this Beatles song so much and i didnt even knew i had it in my phone all this time.

Being sunshine is exhausting…!!!!

Being happy and all sunshine all day is exhausting specially when its me. Now im all tired and i wonder what got into me, i can still feel a sense of adrenaline inside. What happened to you Little, you were so sparkling today?

Weather wont let me play in morning but its okay because i did some exercise in evening.

Have to shut down my hyper mind right now. Goodnight world!