I want to be Alice in Wonderland, only I don’t want to find my way back…

I should marry myself, for all the things I do to keep me happy and going. But, it’s so exhausting. The constant efforts to keep mind busy, happy and pleased are effin exhausting and leaves me into pieces by the end of the day, which makes them useless for I’m back to being the broken bones of nothing.

 

Sing me a lullaby…!!!!

I wanted to write about something today but now i cant think about it. huh! what was it? Anyhow, i want to tell you all something. I love my phone, i do. There i said it. Every since mobile phones became the thing to buy, i have had bought so many of them. No, not because im rich but i just happen to have been an owner of a new phone almost every other year. Strange i know.

But this one, the one i have right now, has to be the one that i would not part with easily. Nokia’s music app is killing me with happiness and music.

I still don’t remember what i wanted to talk about. What was it?

I want to meet a stranger, fall in love, go travel, get drunk, write a love poem and actually hand it over, wake up to a face every day, dance to crazy teen songs while pasting pictures of someone on the walls of my room, practice smiles in mirror and look at the stars only say they are beautiful. I want to be happy, head over heels and in love like every other normal person is. I want to walk out of the cloud of darkness and glitter in the sunshine of happiness.

Even that’s not what i wanted to write, but that’s just something i say every day to myself hoping one day it would come true. Cause you have to fight, you just have to be Kathleen Kelly and throw some punches in the air and say “Fight, Fight, Fight” or Capt. Karen Emma Walden with “No Surrender” attitude. Yes, I love Meg Ryan 😀 guilty as charged.

I think the week has been too exhausting and that’s why i forgot what i wanted to say.  I have to go because i have a S.J Bolton book to finish.

Man! i need some sleep. Anyhow, today i was running and this thought came to about how glad im for music and what if there was no music in the world. I tried to imagine and i almost died imagining because ever since i have slipped in to my darkness music is one big thing keeping intact. yes, there are other things, there are friends too but i am so glad world has music. When im with my headphones im often a person you would like. Truth is if you’ve had met me in another place, another world chances are you would have loved me because im a fun person deep down somewhere i think.

Okay! now I’m really shutting up my babbling. Somebody make me sleep.

Goodnight world!

!!!

On journey from Denial to Acceptance, life serves you crazy cocktail called “Mixed emotions”…!!!!

Last night i had a karaoke night in my room, as i danced and sang to loud music from the speakers in my room. I used my television remote as my fake microphone while jumping up and down on my bed late at night.

My mom was worried i was going to break something in my room, my father was worried about neighbours complaining about loud music at that time of the night. But it was so much fun and rejuvenating.

I don’t know what triggered it but i had the best karaoke night because i danced like no one was watching, because no one was watching. I do this dance on my bed session alot but usually on a weekday.

What can i say, between Denial and Acceptance there is a long journey of mixed emotions and crazy moments.

I have been having a very busy time at Gotham and even though its killing me, im happy about it. You cant afford to think and go wailing because your mind is busy working. Nice deal. Even though bottling up emotions is a recipe for disaster it always works well for few good drama free days.

I should do more of this my-kind karaoke nights, at least i will get some kind of exercise while im trying to break my bed. No tv episodes isn’t that bad but im afraid with no internet, i might not be able to complete this year’s NaNoWriMo or worst take part in it. Lets see, even if i don’t i will start writing as soon as im back.

Got to go, busy day tomorrow plus i feel exhausted.
Goodnight world.

Sometimes i wish i was more expressive and less walled up. Sharing and expressing is a good thing and i wish i could do that. If only i wasn’t the mean angry Hulk anymore, who enjoys long drive, buying coffee, shopping for books and dancing to music…all alone. If only i wasn’t the “my own favorite person” kind of person.

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Little has a crush on young Robert De Niro, but she is still team Jodie Foster…!!!!

It was a very very busy and exhausting day at Gotham, infact this whole week has been tiring. And, unfortunately, there are still two more days to go before I get my weekend. I dont know if I can make it another two days.

I need a haircut, a weekend, a day in my room, an episode marathon, some writing, loud music, cup of nice coffee, book shopping…that’s it for now.

Truth is my list of things I need or want is pretty big, but I cant even make it as small as one word.

If I can get my dawn, I think I will be okay. But freedom comes with a cost and I dont think I can afford my independence.

On a brighter note, let me tell you something that you didnt know. I saw “Taxi Driver” and Its lot different from the kind of movies I see but Robert De Niro blew my mind. Im all team Jodie Foster. The woman is role model and a brilliant actress. Period. But when I saw Taxi Driver, my eyes were soley on Robert De Niro. Okay firstly his work was really nice and secondly he looks so bloody good looking. I have never seen any of his old movies, so I have never seen him young. Young De Niro can beat any guy today.

Yes the movie was little too dark but the work put in by Robert and Jodie is brilliant. Not my kind of cinema but good cinema. My kind of dark movies are Girl Interrupted and Suckerpunch.

Got to go now.

Goodnight world!

P.S tell me names of old movies that are worth watching. I have heard about Breakfast at Tiffanys is good.

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A whole day without a song, no doubt am feeling dizzy…!!!!!

I once went up to a family, having lunch in a restaurant, and asked them if the car parked outside with a dog in it is theirs, when they said yes i asked them to roll down the windows a little bit so poor dog can breath. Yes i did that. It was long time ago and though i was pretty sure they might go all crazy about minding my own business, i still went straight to them.

I once scolded a kid who throwing stones on a dog, even though his grandfather was nearby and i knew he would yell and run to him which he did.

I don’t know why am telling all this, but truth is i don’t like people who are mean to dogs.

Okay so it was a very very very tiring and exhausting day, i hardly got time for thinking and worst i didn’t listen to even a single song till 745 in evening. From 10 to 745 i was working and working. Almost died by the time i got out of Gotham. First thing that i did was get into my car and play Demi Lovato on loud volume, it hit me like a drug and i felt alive. I said no to temptation of junk food and coffee and came home to do a 15 minutes of rope skipping.

Every single bone in my body is begging to sleep and maybe i will. A Brazilian intern had come for a day and i worked with her all day long, only break i took was a 30 minutes of KFC lunch trip.

Man! i feel weird right now. Exhausted and drained out.

Will be back tomorrow.

Goodnight world!

P.S Dont tell anyone a busy day doesn’t scares me its the slow boring day, when i have all the time in the world to indulge in self pity.

 

 

Being sunshine is exhausting…!!!!

Being happy and all sunshine all day is exhausting specially when its me. Now im all tired and i wonder what got into me, i can still feel a sense of adrenaline inside. What happened to you Little, you were so sparkling today?

Weather wont let me play in morning but its okay because i did some exercise in evening.

Have to shut down my hyper mind right now. Goodnight world!