Dear Agnes Obel…!!!!

There are these words in my heads, roaming around in random manners dying to come out but I don’t speak. I don’t speak or write or talk. So they keep jumping around making me feel heavy. I feel heavy because I want to talk.

Am angry at the world right now, so much that I want to continue talking and speaking till every single word inside my head is gone away and I can’t feel the heaviness. But I don’t. I don’t speak.

I think Agnes Obel is the only person whose songs are impossible to kill. I have been hooked to Aventine for days now and its like every time I listen to the song it feels like fresh daisies, even if I have it on replay mode. For someone with a reputation to kill a song, I truly believe she is a Super Hero of music world. You cant defeat her music. No you cant. If I could personally write to her it would go something like this:

Dear Agnes,

I would like to pretend we are good friends and we know each other, but I don’t think we can be friends for you are way too awesome to hang out with. You are a Super Hero. Your music is kind of saving me from some very hard things dancing inside my head. I wish I could tell you how awesome your music, the piano and the whole package with violin and the lyrics is. I would be lying if I said I was always a big fan, I wasn’t. I grew up breathing on Britney and Avril, I still bow to them. But then life happened, grown up life and I found you. Confession I found you from an episode of Revenge and since then I haven’t stopped stuffing my phone with every single song of yours. Among the Gaga, Savage Garden, Evanescence and Macklemore playlist, your songs stand like fresh daisies. Like I said, even on a replay mode they don’t die.

I know this might be the worst fan letter ever, but let me tell you I’m not a big crazy fan I’m just someone who cant imagine not listening to your songs when things go bad. They kind of tell me to close my eyes, go to my happy place and keep it together cause that’s what super heroes do. They fight. Sorry, I forgot to mention this before I kind of believe I’m a Super Hero too and that’s why I have so much respect for you. We are from same deal, we are heroes. Only you are a hero with a power to save people, I on other hand have no power but a lot of fight to go through.

Thanking you for your music from the bottom of  my super messed up heart that breathes on a lot of things and your songs are one of them.

P.S Aventine is awesome but dude Riverside is wow.

Love,

Little

I don’t think I should ever be allowed to write a fan letter to anyone, cause for someone whose job is to write I suck at writing a simple Thankyou-For-Your-Music-Im-A-Fan letter.

I better go now, for its way too late and I have a busy busy day tomorrow. I can hear voices in my head laughing at what I had promised myself about sleeping early. God! I’m going to be in trouble tomorrow. So much for the plan and check list.

Goodnight World!

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Voices in my head have gone AWOL…!!!!

World is a crazy place because we don’t want to love, we want to fight, wage war and drop bombs on each other, at the same time we don’t even want to accept the existence of those who just want to love and live.

Why I’m writing this? Simple, I want the world to know Love isn’t dead, it’s alive and living in each one of us only someone of us can embrace it and wear it on our sleeves.

Few days back I saw a movie “The Way” and today i saw “Into the Wild”, both are different stories but they both have one thing in common, travelling. While one guy travels because he wants to experience world beyond the money, politics, family secrets and lies and complicity of human relationships, the other travels because life has brought him to where he has nothing left to do but follow the legacy of his own son.

I want to travel because i can’t feel myself, i can’t feel the voices in my head, i can’t feel my own heartbeat.

P.S I ended up putting the wrong song yesterday i guess i was too busy listening Shania Twain on YouTube i didn’t notice what i uploaded. This is the song i wanted to put, the song i would like to believe is being sung for me…because i need it.

I dont know about beautiful, but world is 3D for sure…

World might be beautiful but it’s also 3D…we all see it from different angles!!!!

I think im losing my mind or maybe its the week. Past 2-3 days haven’t been fun, so today i woke up telling myself to just survive for few hours and then it would be okay, weekend is here. Plan was simple, i was going to drown myself into music and have as many cup of coffee as possible. Then it happened. Life said Fck you Little. My headphones died on me. They wont work. Of all the days, today they decide to die on me.

I mean im already tired and exhausted with all the crying, the headache is killing me and all i needed was a song to stop thinking. A cup of coffee and some music to kill the voices in my head. Did i ask for too much? Dont think so.

I think i almost ended up crying atleast i was about to, luckily i have friends who for no reason or some reason kind of like me despite my being a total pain to them. So my friend got me extra headphones. Its not about the fact that my headphones stopped working, its just that im exhausted and i just need everyone to stop for a second and hold me tight for im breaking into million pieces.

I’m doomed to suffer i know that but some days the fact just wont stop poking me. It would just not leave me and man i hate such days. I can pretend all i want about things truth is if you look at the world from where i stand, you will see how dark and selfish it is.

How hard is it to surrender? All i need to do is give up but i wont even do that. I want to be my hero, fight and get hurt everyday. Quit already. Nope. Just wont do.

#Respect #Respect #Respect

I think being a celebrity is fun but in long run we forget that a star on the big screen is just another human being with same emotions, fear, apprehensions, dreams, worries, anger, pain and confusion that we go through, in our lives.

I dont know about anyone else but im so so proud of #EllenPage and has this huge respect for her. She has come a long way from being a good actress to this huge inspiration. This speech by Ellen is in itself so inspiring and helpful to so many of those people who are still fighting and struggling with their inner fear and pain, all alone.

Hatred and fight for freedom is not going to end but when a celebrity, people look up to, stands up it inspires many other scared souls to do the same…stand up for themselves. Truth is no matter who you are, when you have to fight for equality it’s not easy.

Right now i have just one word for Ellen #Respect

Compassion isn’t just a word…use it people!!!! #377

Today was a sad day in terms of Indian history. Our court failed to support the freedom and people’s right to live. LGBT community would have to fight little more, little harder. Hope not all is lost and Parliament would come out to save the day. #377

Denial, Anger, Bargain, Depression, Acceptance…!!!!

Sometimes it hurts because you can see things all crystal clear and you cant be hide or deny or say its all okay. Sometimes its hurts because there is anger you dont want, anger that destroys you and others. Sometimes it hurts because you are ready to do anything and everything to fix it, but you know it cant be. Sometimes it hurts because there is sadness, so much of it, heavy and deep like a seed growing every second you breath. Sometimes it hurts because you know you are giving up, on everything you wanted to fight for, on everything that you were living on and wish you would fight a little more.

Goodnight World!!

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When a Superhero is looking for a White Flag…!!!!

I am not writing or reading…dont know why. Wednesday night I had a serious chat with my mother and I still cant believe what I told her. Its crazy but truth is honesty can never fight denial.
Its just no one will ever get it, no one will ever accept it. It hurts when people I love try to fix me, im not broken im not. I just have something to say, listen. Either hate me or accept me but dont tell me I need to grow up.

Tomorrow I plan to wake up early. Need to start workout.

I cant fight things and a part of me has accepted it which is why I find it hard to do things I love. My stories, my books.

Im in a phase where Dawn and Hope are both four letter words to me.

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