Some of us grew to become Pied Piper…

Sometimes things don’t make any sense to me. Why should everyone agree with each other? Why should i call something red or black or blue if that’s how everyone else calls it? Why can’t i call it purple or pink? Right and wrong are words that can be different for everyone.

World is full of definitions that are carved on stone, you try to amend you are the black sheep. Whoever said being yourself and being proud of yourself matters was only trying to give you an aspirin for the headache; no one tells you how to fix it for the long term.

We live in a world of prejudice and sometimes it bothers me for my sake for those who can’t stand up. It bothers me how some people use religion and the so called Rights and Wrongs of stone age era to craft a world of injustice and unfairness.

I am no fighter but it doesn’t mean i can’t express my opinion about how pride and prejudice is not mere a title for a book. How some people are still not good enough for those who are incapable of seeing the world through others eyes.

I might call it a pen because you said so, but i wouldn’t believe i can’t it anything else when you aren’t around. For there is a world of my own with its own rights and wrongs.

Truth is, some people can’t see a rainbow as a rainbow they see it as part red, part blue, part green and so on. A rainbow is where all colors come together to become something extraordinary, its not part this part that its one beautiful and magical thing.

Don’t ask me why I’m writing all this. I just needed to vent out.

Goodnight world!

When a Superhero is looking for a White Flag…!!!!

I am not writing or reading…dont know why. Wednesday night I had a serious chat with my mother and I still cant believe what I told her. Its crazy but truth is honesty can never fight denial.
Its just no one will ever get it, no one will ever accept it. It hurts when people I love try to fix me, im not broken im not. I just have something to say, listen. Either hate me or accept me but dont tell me I need to grow up.

Tomorrow I plan to wake up early. Need to start workout.

I cant fight things and a part of me has accepted it which is why I find it hard to do things I love. My stories, my books.

Im in a phase where Dawn and Hope are both four letter words to me.

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Voices love me…YAY…Shh…yay…!!!!

Yesterday something inside me started sinking and it sank beyond my control. i was blue, dark and bad. I needed help, hug and fixing.

So as i kept on working today while trying to shoo off the blues from creeping in, as i had busy day, i heard voices. Like for real. A part of me was giving  me pep talk. Trying to talk me out of all the crazy thoughts and how to fix me. Creepy but true, i was working while mentally talking to myself, motivating me, showing me silver lining of things etc etc.

Well, either im truly crazy or bloody hell of a multi-tasker.

 

Wish we had a Super Hero…a real one!!!!

Sometimes I really wish I was a Super Hero, like with powers and all…I wish I was a person who could actually fly, face bullets, kick bad guys and like save the world. No, not because I think that would make me cool and people will actually never leave me. It’s because world is a crazy place and we need a super hero…someone who would fix it all.

Yesterday only I was trying to wonder what happened to the guy who open fired in Oregon Mall and this morning I saw the Connecticut school news. I understand the urge to kill self but to kill others…how could anyone do that?  Those 20 kids they didn’t just die, their families lost everything. I know I don’t even know them but I do know losing a loved one is the biggest pain in the world, everything else comes after. I have been trying to wonder what on earth has happened to people…people who can pick a gun and fire.

It’s not just the open fire shootings but everything…terrorist attacks, nations throwing bombs at each other…someone killing someone for revenge or whatever crap reason they feel is enough to do so. Taking life of a person is a big thing…how can anyone ever sleep after that?

I don’t know if world is ending on 21 dec but I do know world needs a savoir a real super hero. Only problem, a guy flying around kicking bad guy assess…it’s nothing but a comic book story and fiction is like some dreams…can never ever come true.

Every time I read or watch a war documentary or a World war story…I don’t just feel for the people who died for no reason…the innocent lot I also get sad to know about the bad guys who died. Call me crazy but I think the enemy soldiers who lost their life too had families. If I die tomorrow…it may not mean anything to you because we never met but my dying would affect people around me who love me. When a soldier dies in war even if he is from the other country, you must know that somewhere behind the uniform and gun strap was somebody’s loved one.

I think I’m just crazy but I wish we all never had to ever hear about any war, any horrible gunman firing, any sad stories or rape or murders and anything that was a result of a death of someone by another person knowingly or unknowingly.

I got to go now, my head hurts. While I condemn the world where a person tries to hurt another one I myself am trying to kill myself by not sleeping.

There are two things…actually three things that I need to work upon seriously. I need to fix my sleepless nights, I need to start workout and have to go back to reading. Funny thing I have good books with me yet I don’t read and I m so sleepy every night yet I wont sleep.

P.S – Glee is trying to screw up with my list of shows i love to love…its trying to make not like it.

Little needs fixing…!!!!

Voices: So let me get this straight, you have signed up for NaNoWriMo?

Me: what do you want?

Voices: And you plan to join Guitar classes?

Me: Dude! Not today.

Voices: No No, I’m just trying to understand.

Voices: Story writing and guitar classes while going to work every day?

Me: What do you want?

Voices: Me? Nothing, but you might want an insurance for the Body and probably some pills in your bag for you.

Voices: And of course if possible buy a gun, because you would want to shoot yourself in few days for all this.

Voices: See? I never ask for anything, I’m just your well wisher. Always helping you, guiding you.

Voices: And one more thing, do not forget all this should not affect your daily every morning workout. Health is wealth. Right?

Voices: You Body is right, you are so thoughtful. Sniff! Sniff! Tears. Sniff! Look they are real.

 

Me:

It wasn’t a nice day, something has snapped inside and it is taking time for me to fix it. I woke up with the worst mood and I worked with the worst headache all day. The whole mood plus late night added to my misery. Leave the mood, I’m always like this, but one day of late night and I was in hell how would I manage my NaNoWriMo? I don’t want to quit before it starts.

Today when I reached office, i was at in my car looking at the building wondering why I didn’t wanted to get out of my car. I just sat there for few minutes begging myself not to drive away because that’s what I wanted to do. Just drive away.  I’m not liking myself today, because im acting like the person i was, the person i do not wish to be and would never be.

I don’t have a story, i might have one but, i don’t have something that is good and would go beyond 50,000 words.

I need a break, like a big one from work from thinking from whole heaviness inside me.