I would fight the unfightable for you, all I need is to find you…

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Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving

Perhaps, some people only survive because they believe in Santa Claus and another world!!!!

Maybe

Some other time

In another world

You’ll be mine

I’ll be yours

For

Now

Lets be

Pieces of memories

Pages of stories

We created together

Believing in love & forever…

 

Never met you, but i love you, i do…!!!

Searching for you

i look around

a part of me

begs you to be found,

for i miss you

never met you

but i do,

i imagine us

you and me

spending every day

together

every season

every weather,

fighting

and falling

in love

i call your name

i dont know you

but i want to

i have met you

dreamt of you

but never seen you

or held you,

i imagine us

you and me

we

having happy times

singing in rhymes

our own love song

building our own

rights and wrongs,

i try to picture

a small place of ours

filled with cards

signed ‘All yours’,

You and me

hung on the wall in frames

smiling

hugging

kissing

like we are meant to be,

deeply

in love

high above

down in sea

everywhere

anywhere

you and i

forever

for always,

so says

my heart

that

never met you

yet

it still beats for you…!!!!

 

I loved you then, love you now…!!!!

I loved you then,

I love you now

I want to stop

But don’t know how

You came and left

Like a season

Leaving me no reason

To wait for you

But I do

Like a landslide

Life brought me down

Took you from me

Left with a frown

And years of tears

I can’t wipe off my face

For you and me

Universe has no place

But I can’t let go

Of the dreams

I lived once

If only I could show

Scars and the pain

Of what I lost

And can never have again

I know

There is no happy ending

I know

I can’t go on pretending

What hurts will only grow

But I still dream of you

And me

I close my eyes to see

Us again like we were

Believing in forever

Because I did and still do

I loved you then

I love you now

I want to stop

But don’t know how…!!!!