a wanderer…!!!!

Paris tonight

Berlin tomorrow

Map on right

Backpack on left

Not enough time

To be the only sorrow

No internet

Yet making friend after friend

Second hand books

Nothing left unread

Shared numbers

On tissue papers

A love letter penned

On a foreign currency

Only one bag-5clothes

Yet living In ecstasy

Traveler in day

Dreamer at night

No place to stay

But a plan in sight

With a goal to get lost

In a road to nowhere

She wishes

To be a wanderer

Nothing but 

An owner

Of pictures

Stories

Adventures

With

Paris tonight

Berlin tomorrow…!!!!

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I love characters who make me want to be their friends…!!!

For long I had this wish to put a tick mark against one of my bucket list wish – to watch a movie alone. At first it  started as a thought of doing something fun and crazy cause who really goes for movies alone? But I never had the courage because I thought watching a movie alone is the saddest thing in the world and no matter how sad my life goes I will never do this.

Life heard me, laughed and said CHALLENGE ACCEPTED…

So, when life hits you that Ace you just have to stand there and wonder what happened to your backhand. Anyhow, I did reached that point where one fine day I just booked a ticket and went alone. I was nervous, little excited and kind of scared because I had no idea how to just go there, sit and watch a movie with no one to look at, when there is something funny or sad or scary on the big screen. But, it wasn’t bad in fact it was liberating. I know a tiny part of  me from the old-me is kind of dying right now in some corner of my head reading these words, but honestly it was the best thing that I ever did for me.

This Saturday when I sat there in an almost empty theater watching Age of Adaline on the big screen, I realized what a magical world we have in the movies. They make you forget everything that pushes you to that dark corner of the road and make you want to live forever singing it’s-a-beautiful-world. The stories and characters and emotions on that big screen in a dark hall are so majestic and beautiful that for those 2 some hours world feels good, nice, kind and even a gift.

There is something about watching a movie on a big screen and for a long time I felt sad for missing on movies because I had no social life, the people I was dependent on had other people, my issues were often making friends unfriend me leaving me all by myself.

I don’t know how sad it sounds but doings things for yourself isn’t sad its fun and liberating. You don’t have too lie to yourself or ignore yourself and give reasons for not being in mood for an outing, because you know you wont leave you for crazy mood swings, socializing issues and crazy self created walls/rules around your life. People would do that to you, you wouldn’t do that to you.

Voices: Adaline?

Me: Fish! sorry…All I wanted to say was watch Age of Adaline. Great movie.

Voices: Was that so hard?

Me: I thought a little history would be good.

Voices: A little? You would have written a book on your sorry life.

Me: I couldn’t have, for a book I would have needed a fictional name, few character introductions and.. Oh! was that sarcasm?

Voices (Rolling eyes)

So, in short I started today’s post with an aim of giving a review of Age of Adaline and how magical I felt while I sat there watching this movie, wondering what a beautiful world a movie creates for us. But, I ended up blabbering. So here I go – I watched Age of Adaline and Blake Lively was flawless, I never much liked her as Serena in Gossip Girl because her character was not the kind I would want to be friends with but I would definitely want to be friends with Adaline.

ageofadaline

Blame it on You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen Kelly and my ADD…!!!!

Batman just had a long weekend with her person. I know I’m screwed at so many levels and my future is a bright dark wallpaper but right now, right here I’m in my happy place. Sometimes I wonder what would I do without my person.

Little sad that I’m going back to my city today, but dude I needed this break. For now I’m grateful for the weekend.

P.S I have decided to blame my obsession for Starbucks on You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen Kelly and my ADD…!!!!

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When you don’t have a friend to talk to, you create one…!!!!

I started writing when I was young and didn’t had any friends. For a long time in my life I didn’t had real friends, the ones who stick with you. Or any kind. So I carved them in diaries and back pages of school notebooks with a name and a story. I created my own friends.

I started writing in search of friends and back then it was easy because I hadn’t crossed the point of life where you bump into truth, get married and stuck in a sour relationship. Finding truth is like getting stuck in a one way lane, there is no way back.

I still write but now I know things.

Stories melt, fictional friends evaporate and it leaves a hole little too deeper to be filled.

I think the only reason I write is because I was born with a story too.

Superheroes and writers have one thing in common…they both hide behind something…whether it’s a mask or a pen and a paper!

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what??? of course, I party too…pfft! party is my middle name…

Weekend came and went in a jiffy or maybe I didn’t notice it because I was too busy partying and having time of my life with a friend who came unannounced.

Saturday I had a surprise visit from a dear dear friend called darkness, I call my friend Darky with love. So Darky kind of is a very old and dear friend, at first I never liked being around this buddy of mine but then with time I got used to having Darky around. There is this thing about Darky, it comes and goes without informing and when we are together, we party and party hard.

So, this Saturday we both sat and spent whole day together. We kind of had a slumber party, just the two of us, as we danced on self pity, anger, misery, bitterness and what not. We have been friends for a long time now, but every time my dear friend visits me I get this weird feeling that i need some space. There I said it, i want to break up with my friend for I think Darky and I need to spend some time apart…by some I mean a lot. Don’t get me wrong, i am so used to Darky that I don’t remember life before we became friends but every visit from my fun friend takes me away from real life.

We party so hard that next day it’s a mess inside my head, the hangover in itself is so strong and I feel so bad about wasting precious little me time where i could have read or wrote or went out for a walk or just did anything else. Every time we meet, Darky and I become crazy duos who kind of cut ourselves away from the world. I kind of avoid my other friends, family and my own self when I’m with this crazy friend of mine.

Guess, some friends are bad influence for real and yet you can’t get rid of them.

Now, I wish I could get my Saturday back. Lying there on the couch hating the world, hating myself, I realized one thing that just when you need the voices in your head to intervene they sit back and enjoy the show of you getting all high and handsey with darkness.

And when the party is over and you are sober, this happens:

Me: God! I want my Saturday back.

Voices: Hmm…Shouldn’t you be wanting your dignity back?

Me: What?

Voices: Just kidding. Saturday is a good wish. What would you do with dignity anyway, throw it away with your next cocktail of self loathing. Go girl!

Voices: BTW…You and Darky…such a lovely couple…sniff sniff…tears…

Me: huh

Voices: Rofl.gif~c200

 

Dear Alfred, thank you for being Batman’s Batman…!!!!!

I might have done a hundred things wrong to get the pain of being a super hero with two lives, one for me and one for the world, but I must have also done one thing right for I found this one amazing person who loves all faces of mine Batman or Bruce Wayne, don’t matter.

Super heroes are pathological lairs…!!!!

Today a weird but factually correct thought crossed my mind, i’m a pathological liar and a narcissist. Yes, together these words are a very bad combination and under any circumstances a person with such abilities is usually doomed to sink. But, in my case i think these are few of many reasons i am surviving.

Now that i think about it, i lie all the time all day long. Sometimes i lie to people because i have no energy to explain them my reasons to ignore the social events or gatherings or things. Sometimes i lie to people because only i know there is no answer to questions like ‘You okay?’. Sometimes lying is so easy because i do not under any circumstances want to talk about words like ‘love’, marriage’ and ‘relationships’. Then there are lies i offer to people who matter for real, people who love me but often get burdened by my inability to be like them. I lie to family and friends because i believe some questions must remain unanswered for sake of effin peace.

I don’t know if there will ever be a day when i will no more have to lie…I guess, the mask you wear becomes who you are…the case of a lie and a liar…

I don’t know why the thought, because I’ve had an amazing day today. Kind of rosy and peachy Friday for me. I think it has to do with the week. I think it’s also coming from the sleep deprived mind of mine that i have been starving of a good 8 hours of nap time.

I’m eagerly waiting for my book from Amazon which would arrive around 16.

Better go now, it was a good day today. Because it was one of those days where you learn that even though all you see are threads there is a hand too, holding you, trying to make sure you don’t fall.

P.S Once again Agnes Obel is amazing…

Just an angry girl with freshly cut short hair and a book…!!!!

You know how i space out of conversations and even from situations where I’m just staring at something or someone. Yesterday i was in a meeting with my manager and this Russian intern and though he was mostly explaining something to her i was sitting there too. And then i went dreaming again; i spaced out to another world and next thing i know my manger was looking at me, his lips were moving and then i heard the words realizing he is asking me something. I was like feck what was the question.

Luckily, i managed to survive this manager meeting situation.

I wonder why i do that to me. Because i have once been into a very very bad situation because of my spacing out talent.

Anyhow, good news i got a haircut and a new book. I needed both the things so badly because i kind of had a day where i realized a friend of mine is no more my friend. I mean we are still friends but only because i am hanging on to the whole friendship thing. So i have decided to let it go. Its funny how when you are young, like teenage kind young, friendship feels like the greatest thing in life and then you grow up, your friends grow up and all that matters is to survive.

Crazy! how we change.

With a working Saturday last week i haven’t really had much time to write but my story is almost done. Still a lot left but i think i did manage to finally write something. After a long time, im hoping to complete a story. I know it might be a weird story but i wrote it so I’m really looking forward to the last page.

Goodnight World!